Print This
Email This
I’ve got my memories/
Always inside of me
Switchfoot, “This Is Home”
I’m moving back into my parents’ house on Sunday.
I’m moving back into my parents’ house on Sunday.
I’m moving back into my parents’ house on Sunday.
Nope. No matter which way I put it, it still makes me want to bang my head against a wall. Preferably padded. Still, I’ve never been more torn: is this a good idea or a bad idea? Am I helping or hindering myself?
I don’t know why I’m still trying to rationalize this — months ago I had it figured out that this was really the best choice for me, my only option as I struggle to navigate an uncertain future and forge a new path for myself. And it still is the best choice, the only choice, only as I sit in my apartment and stare at the empty bookshelves and bare walls, as I glance at the mountain of packed boxes that have taken over the dining room, I realize just how independent I really am, despite my recent fears of familial dependence. I wonder if that independence is something I’ll take with me, or if it’s something I’ll leave behind, as I shut my apartment door for the last time.
I know that it really won’t be that bad. Statistically speaking, something like more than half of all college graduates move back home at some point in their lives. Sometimes it’s what you have to do to get by (and this economy is certainly making my argument easier), and it doesn’t mean that you’re a failure or no longer independent or less of an adult. Right?
Actually, that’s probably the greatest reason why I fought so hard against moving home, wondering if I’ll lose whatever sense of independence I’ve gained. My parents are great, as they’ve always given us our space. In fact, my mom says the only thing she wants to know is if we’ll be around for dinner. But for the past two years (longer, if you count being away at school), I’ve had my own apartment, completely independent and on my own. By having this apartment, I felt at least somewhat like an adult:
I loved shopping for furniture when we first moved in and decorating for the holidays when the weather got colder; I loved using Roommate as a guinea pig as I learned how to cook (and found that I was rather good at it); I loved entertaining friends and hosting small parties or even curling up on the couch for a movie night. And the fact that I didn’t mind cleaning the apartment or doing the dishes or taking out the trash — or taking Riley up and down two flights of stairs four times a day — made me feel like an adult, too, because adults did those things, and now that I was a Real Adult, I could, too.
It’s different doing chores as a kid. When you’re a kid, you try trading with your siblings or bribing them with a promise. You use every excuse in the book to get out of taking the recycling out or emptying the dishwasher because you have your parents to cover for you, you could really care less, and you have more important things to do, like setting up a neighborhood game of flashlight tag .
But when you’re an adult, suddenly you don’t mind it as much. Sure I complained and left dirty dishes in the sink (probably longer than I should have), but I didn’t mind it because it was mine. This was my home and I was responsible for it. And that just felt good.
I’ll of course help out around my parents’ house, as I often do when I go over to visit, but I think the difference is that it’s not really my house anymore. My home, yes, it will always be my home, in my heart, but it’s not my house. I grew up there, but still something has changed in the way I view it, as if that’s part of another life, another me.
I’ve grown up. And sitting here in my apartment, my dog at my feet and my cat glaring at him from across the room, with the TV on low and the furniture ready to be moved out, I’ve finally realized this truth, finally reconciled with that fact.
So while my present self and my childhood memories will merge this weekend as I move back to the place where I spent my childhood, I know that I can have confidence that this is only another stepping stone as I continue to grow, as I become the independent individual, the adult woman, that I’m ready to be.
For more timely, relevant, and engaging articles, subscribe to Brazen Careerist.
Recent Comments
11 RESPONSES TO "I’M MOVING BACK HOME THIS WEEKEND"
One of the worst things we can do to ourselves is compare what we're doing with other people. It doesn't matter if kids your age are or aren't moving back in, you do what's best for you. I struggled with a lot of these things after college, too. I never thought I'd be approaching thirty and still renting somewhere because I have these ideas that people my age have a house and are doing well for themselves. But its just my imagination. The truth of it is that I'm probably doing way better than most people I grew up with and not floundering because I bought a house I couldn't afford because "that's what everyone else was doing".
There's nothing wrong with moving home for a little while. Sure, maybe its not what people did in the past, but things are different now, and you have to do whatever is necessary to get to the place you really want to be.
Good luck!
@Smith + Fritzy: I can't tell you how much I appreciate your comment. In fact, I prepared a long reply before realizing that you just provoked thoughts for another blog post -- so thanks. The short version is this: I completely agree that comparing yourself to others is the worst possible thing to do in terms of personal development: it only serves to hold you back and keep you from growing as a person. And you're right: most of the time, the person you're measuring yourself against is merely a figment of your imagination, built up in such a way that you feel torn down. It's easy to measure our successes against others, so often forgetting that we're all human and thus we all go through rough patches. What I need to keep as a reminder is that it may be taking longer than we'd like, or even expect, but we're following our own paths and doing just fine in the long run. Thanks for your insights!
@Ryan: I think part of the reason why I resisted so much is because it's "not what people do." Truthfully, I felt like I was somehow failing because I couldn't make everything that I wanted work. But you're right -- things are absolutely different, and because of that, people do what is necessary to get by. For me, that just means moving home for awhile. I don't think I'm looking at it as a detour anymore, but rather as a stepping stone as I move towards my goals. Thanks for the vote of confidence!
I don't know if I could handle moving back in with my parents; but if you can, it's probably one of the smartest decisions you can make in this economy. Don't let what others are doing both you -- do what's best for you!
Never had the chance to move back home. When I left at 18, it was understood that I was welcome for short (less than 4 days) visits, but anything longer was implicitly forbidden. It forced me to grow up fast and somewhat painfully, but I did. Can't say it would have been different for me if I had the option to go back home, but I didn't. I think I have become a better person for having to take responsibility for getting myself out of my messes, but there were weeks and months when it really sucked. Such is life.
Meanwhile, I have always had the opportunity to move home indefinitely, but have not since getting my first full-time job. I've always gotten along really well with my parents (and now my dad and stepmom), but I vastly prefer having my own home. My brother lived at home during and after law school and as a result was able to keep his loan low and pay it off in about three years. He's had his own place ever since.
There are lots of ways to approach this issue and wind up as a successful, independent adult. I think the only time there's a real question is when someone never makes a move for that independence. Moving home short-term in the interest of a defined goal seems like it's probably a well-thought-out move.
Well I guess I'll be the first naysayer.
Are you sure that this is the best thing for your parents? Try not to focus on what they say and think about where they are in their life (any other kids left at home, finances).
The independence you would gain from roughing it on your own is priceless.
I completely know what you mean. I have moved in with my parents for the next year, so that I can save money before starting graduate school next fall. Although it is the most logical choice, it's hard to square my independence with my current living situation even though my parents have generally not over-involved themselves in my life. I think that having a defined date and goal is great and making it more of a strategic move at least helps with some of the "I can't believe I'm doing this" feeling. Good luck with the move!
@Nisha: That's what I thought in the beginning too, and some part of me is still dreading it. Not because of my parents, they've been great and I love spending time with them, but because of what I thought it would mean. Would I feel suffocated? Would I feel like I've regressed? I've come to realize that I will feel those things if I let myself, but maybe if I handle it correctly, it will turn out to be better than I had imagined. Thanks!
@jrandom42 Because I didn't go home right after college and because I've been independent for so long (even if it doesn't always feel that way), I feel like I have grown and become a stronger individual, which might be the reminder that I need as I make this change. I'm always grateful for my parents, and even more so now that they're willing to let me move back. Is it what I really want to do? Absolutely not. Do I feel guilty as hell? Of course. But do I think it's the responsible decision for me? With current circumstances and my future goals, yes. I think that with your circumstances, you've taken what was given to you and made the most of it, as hard as it was, bettering yourself as an individual, and you should be proud for that. While my circumstances are a bit different in its options, I hope that I can say the same. Thanks.
@Kate: I think that my situation is very much like yours in regards to your relationship with your parents/options. If I still had a steady job, I would in a heartbeat still be living on my own, but as it is, I'm working as a temp as I continue my search for a steady job. The job search is more difficult than I ever expected it to be, and I'm grateful for both the source of income and having a place to stay as it continues. I love the independence that having your own place brings, but I think that my situation is more like your brother's -- doing what is necessary for the interim. As always, I appreciate your comments.
@Anonymous: You're not being a naysayer, you're being realistic, and I appreciate that point of view. But believe me, I have weighed every angle of this decision, including the viewpoints of my parents (and I tend to be more concerned with my family than myself). However, my parents have been incredibly supportive when it comes to their kids and despite the guilt I feel (of my own making, I know), I've talked with them many times only to have them continue to reassure me that this is the best decision all-around. Truthfully, there are some other situations that have arisen which have cemented this decision, so I hope to be able to provide support to them just as they have always done for me. Thanks.
@Vanessa: Exactly! You just nailed everything that I'm feeling, and I can't say more than that. Best of luck to you as well!
I'M CHANGING MY SOCKS THIS SUNDAY.
Why would anyone care what you're doing? Why is this worth of a post. You have no insight, no unusual experience to share. Don't see a lot of intelligence. --Oh, wait, you're one of those Gen-Yers who think everything they do, every shit they take, is important to the world. You probably have to text-message your most mundane activities to your BFFs while you're driving.
These are the type of decisions more of us are having to make. I linked this blog post to http://qvisory.org/blog
GOT SOMETHING TO SAY?