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My boss has an awful temper and whenever something goes wrong she uses things I've told her about my personal life against me. How do you deal with a boss where you're so terrified of her? How do you explain why you're leaving in a job interview?
10.22.08
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Email ThisDon't think for a second you have to put up with bad behavior from your boss. You don't. Sure, your boss will have her own priorities, workload and personal stuff going on, but she still needs to treat you with respect and as a valued member of staff.
Without that it falls apart.
It's scary as hell to try and talk with her, I know that, but the stress and frustration you're experiencing can have an impact on you that's even scarier. Try to talk calmly with her about what's happening for you. Get 10 minutes first thing in the morning, and be sure that it doesn't end up with finger pointing, blaming or making it personal. Even put yourself in the frame of mind that you're her boss, if it helps you to step outside of the emotion of where you are. State the facts as simply as you can; state what you believe to be unreasonable or unacceptable and state what you'd like to see happen. If she flies off the handle don't rise to it and don't' take it personally – her reaction is her business.
If you're unable to talk with her (because you've tried before or can't get the opportunity), then talk with someone else. Whether it's a colleague you trust or someone in HR, get someone else's perspective and input. It could be that other people have had a similar experience or maybe HR have heard the same thing from others.
You hint that you might be leaving, and I can certainly see why you'd want to. If you've tried to improve things to no avail, you have to make a choice. If, on a personal level, you can't afford to put into the job what you've been putting in, you owe it to yourself to get out. If you're already interviewing you don't need to mention your relationship with your boss at all – simply say that the right opportunities weren't available for you or that you're ready for a bigger challenge.
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Comments
I was in this situation once at a company. The yeller/screamer was two levels above me, which was why I always had a new boss every six months. All these nice, competent, bright bosses I had would be systematically broken down through bullying until they left. The third one simply walked out of the job with no notice. And *I* ended up leaving, because my job was boring and all the interesting jobs reported to Godzilla.
I wouldn't expect much from H.R. DROVES upon DROVES of people leaving my previous company talked to H.R. about Godzilla. H.R. didn't care about anything other than keeping themselves from being sued, so they protected this person. Godzilla's boss was a scatterbrain with so many problems going on in her personal life, I don't think she had a clue. And she saw Godzilla as someone who got results, rather than as someone who contributed to turnover. I hate to break it to you, but sometimes big companies are the dumbest places on earth.
The LW should leave. I don't even know if it's such a big deal to be honest about the reasons when interviewing elsewhere. Smart interviewers aren't going to buy a generic line about "the right opportunities weren't available to me" unless you can get really specific about which opportunities you wanted that weren't available. If you try to blow them off and avoid the question, they might start think you're just a disgruntled job-hopper who wouldn't be happy anywhere.
I'd approach it this way when answering the question. Say 'I love the work I do - love, love, love it. But my boss screams, yells, and is verbally abusive. People who are accustomed to that kind of thing may be able to work with an emotionally unstable boss, but I can't. And since I love the work I do so much, I know I would be perfectly happy doing it somewhere else.' MOST interviewers are going to be really understanding - none of them would want to work for a bully either. You just have to make sure you keep the focus on how much you enjoy the work you do, so you don't come across as dwelling on negativity.
I'm skeptical about HR, too. This bad behavior is tolerated in the letter-writer's company, which means that HR will tolerate it as well.
I worked for a yeller with a mercurial temper. When I left, I didn't say very much beyond the positive reasons I was leaving (I had a job with a better title and more money than they would pay me). Why? Because I knew that other people in my department had already spoken not just to HR, but to the company president--and nothing happened.
When I was interviewing for the new (far, far better) job, I said that there weren't opportunities for advancement where I was. And that was true. It sounds like there aren't really opportunities for advancement in this case, either, because the high turnover means that a promotion wouldn't really "stick"--no one is there long enough to learn, or to make a difference.
After I was hired, it turned out that my new boss knew my old boss slightly, and thought well of her--so I'm glad I didn't say anything critical in the interview. Later, after my new boss had heard other, less positive things about the old boss, she came and asked me about it. I confirmed them as diplomatically as I could, and she made it clear that she appreciated both the fact that I answered her, and that I tried to do so without trashing my old boss.
My suggestion is to cut your losses, and tell your next boss less about your personal life, until you've learned whether he or she can be trusted with it.
It saddens me to learn how frequent this kind of stuff happens in the workplace.
I too worked at a company with a very inept and abrasive middle manager. I knew of several co-workers who spoke to not only this manager, but went to HR and even had the courage to go straight to the President of the company and flat out say, "this person needs to be fired right now."
No one was fired.
Turnover at the company is hovering somewhere at 50% per year.
The abrasive manager continually receives poor performance reviews and upper management's solution is to send him to expensive management/leadership seminars to "improve" his skills.
I wish him luck.
Do not put up with a bad manager. There are good ones out there who actually care about their employees and their wellbeing.