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Current Mood: I’m feeling blues-y. The music, not the emotion.
Current Song: Haven’t decided. Maybe some Coldplay? Maybe some Elbow?
One of my most favourite quotes that I’ve come across lately is by Jean-Paul Sartre, who says, “If you’re lonely when you’re alone, you’re in bad company.”
This has been on my mind particularly over the last few days. I recently spoke to a friend, who feels the need absolutely to always have someone present, particularly a love interest. I have known her for a very long time, and most of the time we have been acquainted, there is a desperate need to fill some kind of void, perhaps. It has seemed to me over some time that there is a deflection from oneself, having to concentrate on another.
It makes me ask the question, what is so wrong with being alone?
I’m an introvert (as I have mentioned many, many times before). It might be in my nature to keep myself company, but I think that once in a while, everyone needs to keep themselves company. In fact, I highly recommend it. Know that you are full and fulfilled on your own, and rather that trying to deflect or fill your inadequacies with the endeavours of others, work on them, or accept them. There is nothing wrong with it.
At the risk of alienating populations, I think that generally there is a sense in the media that we constantly need to fill our lives with someone or something. Fans of the show Sex and the City (I watched the first movie again this weekend) will note this in the behaviours of the women. When not with a man, they fill the gaping voids with food and shopping. Now I love both food and shopping, but as supplements to my already full life, not as substitutes.
My best advice to everyone out there, whether you have oodles of friends( yes, I said the word oodles) and are out every single evening, or whether you’re a homebody, is to learn to keep yourself company. Spend time with yourself: Read, write a blog, go shopping by yourself, go to a coffee shop or a movie. Do something where you can be alone and be okay with it. It’s an highly useful skill to have when facing a room full of strangers or a quiet saturday night. After all, at the end of the day, you’re all you have.
Are you okay being by yourself? What’s the most difficult/easy part about it?
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Comments
06.02.10
I really relate to this post Mehnaz. I'm not ok being by myself. I'm a very vocal person and I like to have someone to talk to, as a sounding board. I remember spending a lot of time with myself right before I got married. Can't say I enjoyed that time but yes, it did give me perspective. What's amazing is that the need to enjoy your own company doubles when you're married. Sounds odd, but it's true. You can't really share everything with your spouse, and so reliance on yourself becomes an important character trait.
06.02.10
I can relate to this post as well. I just met and started spending time with someone I like a lot but we both also really like and are good at being independent and comfortable on our own. It creates a really interesting dynamic that I'm still trying to figure out, but it has forced me to reevaluate the things I really enjoy and appreciate about being me. I am reminded that I am strong and confident and competent even when I am not with someone else. This is applicable to my work, my personal life and the other things I enjoy doing.
06.04.10
thanks both. Not odd at all actually. I think spending time away from someone you care about in fact strengthens the quality of the time you have when you are together. It's always important to be comfortable with yourself as you go through life. That sort of inner strength can really help you weather through adversity :)
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