In precisely four weeks from now, I will officially be done with classes.

No more note taking, pretending to stay awake in lecture, and most importantly: NO MORE MATH. (Why oh why did I think it would be a genius idea to save my math requirement for my last semester? WHYYY?!)

As I anticipate the transition into my big girl panties, I am acutely aware of all of my collegiate behavior. Surely I cannot be the only one who has ever had to transition from college and into the Real World and adopt new habits, right?

So tell me, when do my grown-up habits kick in? How long do I have before I’m required to do all of the following before I am deemed unfit for society?

• Remember to brush my teeth and wash my face every night. COME ON. If I’m cozy in bed watching Criminal Minds and dozing off, the very last thing I want to do is splash water on my face and wake myself up. Besides, what would I do if I was running late for class the next day and didn’t have yesterday’s make-up to rely on?
• Change the trash bag before it overflows. My housemates and I play a little game. It’s called “let’s see how high we can pile the trash up until it starts to fall on the floor. And then once it falls on the floor let’s see who is the first one to care enough to clean it up. SUCKER.” It’s actually really fun especially when our banana peels start to rot and smell. Good times.
• Develop enough self-control to leave my pimples alone. I was blessed with great skin. Like, pretty amazing skin with slightly rosy cheeks and adorable freckles (and I clearly abuse this fact by not washing my face every night: SEE ABOVE.) But having wonderful skin just means I’m that much more irritated when I get a zit. It’s like, “pretty face pretty face pretty face OMG HUGE RED MOUNTAIN ZIT pretty face” and there’s some little zit monster in my head telling me that this is unacceptable and that all of the pimple-popping tips I learned from Tyra (Q-tips FTW) must be enacted to destroy the evil Zit Queen who has taken up residency on my chin. And then I attempt destruction and fail miserably and undoubtedly regret my decision to attack every time and I never seem to learn my lesson. Sigh. Thank goodness for good make up.
• Grocery shop responsibly. The thought of making a grocery list never crosses my mind. How am I supposed to know what I’m going to want to eat for dinner 9 days from now? My solution to this dilemma is to buy everything that looks delicious. And since my housemates and I have the tendency to shop at 11 pm, EVERYTHING looks delicious. This inevitably leads to me purchasing exorbitant amounts of fresh fruit and veggies that will clearly go rotten before I can eat them all, along with a bag of frozen meatballs, multiple boxes of Wheat Thins and Cheez-its, and excessive amounts of mac and cheese. Notice the lack of any food that could be considered a proper meal.
• Electronics that look normal. It has recently come to my attention that all of my electronics are hot pink. My MacBook, my Kindle, and my iPhone are all encased in hot pink protective cases. Even my digital camera has a pink sleeve to hide out in. At what age does hot pink go from being adorable to obnoxious? Because I’m pretty sure I’ve already passed it.
• Wake up to an alarm. It’s embarrassing how difficult it is for me to get out of bed in the morning. This morning I needed to be up really early (read: 9:30 am) so I set 3 alarms on my phone: one for 8:30, one for 9:00, and one for 9:20. And then I hit snooze until 9:47 when I actually got out of bed and proceeded to rush to get to class and was unable to get a delicious iced coffee before my day started.

I’m currently in search of that magic pill I can take that will suddenly enable me to act like a normal person and not some lazy co-ed.

If you’ve got one, get in touch. I support your local business.