I’m a graduating senior. June 2010. Those words hang ominously in the air, haunting me, frightening me, and at the same time, exhilarating me. Thankfully, I’ve managed to secure some exciting opportunities for post-graduation despite the lackluster economy, and I’m grateful to the universe for that. Yet, I’m finding - for the first time - the need to balance idealism and realism.

It’s difficult. I’m young, so I want to head off to Africa and pursue my lofty idealism, putting it into action somehow. But the realities are that I want to gain practical experience in litigation - which is where I’d like to end up after some time. The realities are that I have to study for the LSAT, because I want to be a lawyer. The realities are that going abroad for a long time now might not be the most practical option.

But just because something is a “reality” doesn’t mean it’s not exciting and full of passion. It is!

The field of “development” is extremely broad. You can work on education, health, microfinance, or human rights. But I can’t do all that. After taking a class this quarter on aid and development, I realize that most development projects don’t actually succeed. It’s muted my idealism quite a bit. Even if I do go abroad, most likely my work there wouldn’t leave behind much of an impact. I’d learn and gain a cross-cultural understanding, sure, but is that enough?

That’s why I’m choosing something more specific - human rights law. Law is still viewed as a monstrous creation, particularly in western countries where we are constantly drowning in the threat of lawsuits. Indeed, this dark cloud has prevented so many from living their lives. But I want my career to show that law can be transformative, positive, and empowering. That lawyers aren’t all greedy, but that the law can be used to advance social justice and truly help communities solve their problems. That the law can empower women to seek redress for gender based violence - and that it allows them to speak out where they would have been silent before. I want to use the law to bring justice to communities affected by torture, rights violations, environmental abuses, and discrimination. In particular, I want to focus on legal systems of developing countries - which are often in dire need of reform and capacity-building.

The good thing about being a senior is that it really forces you to distill. I have had to look at my diverse range of interests and really draw out what I ultimately want to do. The days are running out - and I have to make a decision. Through this process, I’ve found the idea of a career in impact litigation of some sort followed by broader reform of legal systems to be highly compelling. And far more so than “development” work, in which you can never be sure of success. It seems more fulfilling to look a client in the eye and say “We’ve done it!” than almost anything else. And after years of working on abstract things like communications or research, I want that badly. I want to work with individuals, hear their stories, and work on their cases. Change - but incremental, concrete, tangible change.

But there are more realities. The reality is that this field of human rights law - particularly justice reform and access to justice issues - does not have any clear career path, per se. The reality is that I’ll have to make it up as I go along. And maybe I’ll fail or falter. But perhaps, also, this reality will be the most fulfilling one.

(A quick note: Starting now, I’m challenging myself to write something every day that isn’t related to my thesis or my internship. This could be a blog post here, a blog post for another online outlet, a poem, or a personal journal entry. Regardless of what it is, I want to get back into writing! That also means that you’ll be seeing more posts here!

Another note: I’m sorry if this post is extremely cryptic. I’ll let you know what I’m up to as soon as I make a decision!)