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Sometimes, we hold onto people in our lives because we convinced ourselves we could not live without them. I thought I believed the same thing about my group of friends, and in a lot of ways, I still believe it. A couple of people in our group will probably hang onto us like they are attached by way of some evil, super-adhesive. And I am realizing, I am growing and they are not going in the same direction. In fact, if anything, I believe the two of them are actually at a complete standstill as far as growth and maturity are concerned. They definitely wasted a lot of time and energy proving to me they were capable of narcissistic, one-sided, short-sided, conversation and imagined, impetuous behavior, otherwise--meaning, they speak as though they have lived, but really have done nothing for the duration of their lives. It is a pathetic situation to watch the two of them desperately prove their lives are exciting to the one group of best friends who should not care about their need to feel included--they are already there.
However, we all stick by one another. When we really need each other, we are there. As tragic and frustrating as our friendship can be sometimes, we are held by a genuine love for one another. Not a love that you feel for your first lover. Not a love that you feel for your family even. It is a love for which you have to work and achieve after nights full of ridiculous conversations, ending in laughter and tears. It is a love that initiates you into a family of sorts, not just one you are brought into by accident of birth. I have given the other night a lot of thought. I wanted to write an entry about how disappointed I was in my friends, but I have exhausted such feelings for the night. I may be growing, but I have to let them do anything impulsive they think is necessary and learn from their mistakes. After all, I am just as human, and I will let them down, too.
Sometimes, I want to throw in the towel, and Saturday night, I seriously considered walking out on those two friends. But I stuck through the night, as painful as it may have been for me. Because part of me is always with them, no matter if I am the one with the problem or they are. Otherwise, it would not hurt so much when we do make mistakes. I love them too much to give up on them, even if I convince myself through a whole night of over-thinking that I am willing to walk away. We made a promise to one another we would see this to the end, and I am willing to stick to my end of the bargain. It is clear they were ignorant of their actions and are still in this for the long haul. I have to face the truth: I cannot deny true love, and my best friends symbolize just that.
Hi Jennifer,
Stumbled upon this post after reading a reply you made to someone else and checking out your profile.
You've got a lot going for you in the way of writing and I will also check out the photography sometime, too. Keep your creative, introspective and sensitive spirit, and keep at the journalism.
You remind me of a former student I advised at Penn State. Her name is Robin Hoecker. You can learn more about her at http://robinhoecker.com or at http://higheredlifecoach.com/testimonials/ (In the interest of full disclosure, the 2nd link is a testimonial she wrote for me.)
Keep following your dreams. Participating fully in who you are now will get you where you are meant to go in life.
Best of Luck!
Sean

Thank you so much for your kind words. I am definitely going to continue with my dreams.