Already a member?
Welcome to Brazen Careerist!
Emily Ma is using Brazen Careerist to share ideas. Join now to become a member and start networking with Emily Ma and other professionals just like you. Learn more.
Brazen careerist
Where ambitious young professionals connect and grow
Email
Print
Current Mood: Sleepy...but jazzed about running
Current Song: Imaginary Friends by Ron Sexsmith
Sorry it's been a few days, everyone. Been a bit busy catching up (or rather keeping up) with life. But it's all good. Just hoping that March ends quickly.
Last week, I had my first IRL (In Real Life) experience of meeting a fellow writer-turned-friend from Montreal. I had never met her before. But we had a lovely cup of coffee and a chat downtown last week. It was great to connect with someone who has similar interests, varying viewpoints, that you can learn from.
As most of you know probably know by now, I'm an introvert of probably the highest degree. Being in crowds for long periods of time makes me a bit edgy and I need lots and lots of time to recouperate after having been out. In general I find networking to be extremely draining and sometimes I just don't have the patience for small talk.
But that has changed to quite a significant degree thanks to social media.
You would think that social media users are probably nerds that are hidden away from the world and do nothing but click away at their keyboards for extended periods of time. This must be some archaic version of a computer nerd, but I find it no longer applies. Many social media users are savvy, networking and outright extraverted folks who like to connect with others on ideas and share their own.
For introverts such as myself, it makes the prospect of meeting someone much less scary because you've already been primed in advance to what that person might be like. And I find twitter users to be more authentic than those on other social media sites. Unless this person is completely lying, introverts have a great opportunity to meet someone in person. It's almost like having a chance to read their resume or google them in advance, but much less creepy.
I was surprised that I took the opportunity for an IRL meeting. A few years ago, this would have been a complete introvert no-no. But as I expand my social circle to include many social media connections (some of whom are quickly becoming good friends and colleagues), I find that networking with folks I haven't connected with before gets easier.
So introverts, take a chance and go for an IRL if you haven't already. Here's what works:
1. Keep it simple: probably a coffee or something inocuous like drinks would be great.
2. If you feel the need to keep it short, do so. You don't have to be there for four hours out of politeness .
3. If you're dead nervous about it, think back to conversations you've already had with this person and prepare ahead of time on what you could ask/talk about. You don't have to bust out a cue card, but when I'm nervous it helps to look through my social rolodex.
4. Have fun. This isn't a job interview (unless it is a job interview). Relax. You already know this person, so no need to get all strung out about it.
I had a great time with my first IRL and I hope to have many more (one coming up this next month!).
Have you had an IRL already? What was it like? What tips can you share?
PS: My friend Emily Jasper has written a great article on her blog about getting to know her social media friends on a level other than business. She shares her experience here
For more timely, relevant, and engaging articles,
subscribe to Brazen Careerist.
- A New Kind of Business Mover and Shaker
- Continuing Education: Extending Learning Beyond Your Campus Years
- The Anti-Stalker’s Guide for Converting Online Contact into Real World Collaboration
- How To Find a Writing Partner Who Can Help You Achieve Your Goals and Make More Money
- Why You Might Be Better Off Without a Job After College
Comments
.thumbnail.jpg)
03.08.10
Similar to online dating, social media allows this 'getting to know you period' break that awkward ice that generally happens on first meetings.
Just another reason to love social media, right? Nice post, thanks for sharing!
03.08.10
Extrovert or exhibitionist? On social media, with everyone broadcasting their impulses, snd fleeting thoughts, it doesn't seem like there's any distinction between the two.
To paraphrase an old internet truism, "On the Ingternet, no one knows if you're a serial killer trolling for their next victim."
03.08.10
Sounds good, except that everyone I know through "social media" lives in another city, if not another state.
03.08.10
Mehnaz, thanks for sharing! Good points, and good luck in all future IRL encounters. ;-)
I agree with you and Andrea: ideally, best practice social media interaction breaks the ice and allows those of us to connect who might not otherwise, for a variety of reasons. It also broadens the worlds of those who are extroverts - I think. Can any extroverts attest to that? I fall closer to Mehnaz on that continuum I think!
I myself haven't done much in the way of IRL encounters except via specific networking events. That's fun. The sense of community is wonderful. And it helps you find a couch to sleep on should you need to travel cheaply (@ Scott).
03.08.10
I like this article. As a fellow introvert I experience many of the same traits you mentioned. I would only add that social media can only go so far in changing us, though. I don't think we can ever actually become extroverts because of social media. I would however agree that we can act more like them when within the confines of social media. And in so doing we MAY open up a door or two that would not otherwise have been open for us.
When I consider the amount of comments I make and conversations I (try) to start online, it is brutally clear that I would do NONE of it in real life. (My real life networks due tend to be non-existent. Which is probably why I have never had a terrific job, right?)
Yet I myself have not yet anyone from Twitter and the like in person. I think the introvert in me probably requires a lot more time an openness with an internet presence than most people would. I am not saying I would never do it. I am saying that I wouldn't do it very quickly in most cases.
As to extroversion vs. exhibitionism...I think Random's point, while based somewhat in fact, is totally fair, or really directly linked to the subject of the post. I doubt Mehnaz would find herself wanted to connect further with someone who was being so flagrantly exhibitionist online.
And finally, the distance thing is also true for me. Most people I talk to with any depth are too far away to practically meet up with. In fact, I think physical distance often encourages people to be open with you, who would otherwise feel awkward in sharing themselves. "You are far away, how much harm can you do," is a common refrain.
03.08.10
Hi Everyone!
Thanks for your comments!
Andrea -thanks! Yes, I agree, anything that'll warm up the crowd a bit!
JRandom - You make a good point. But I think, just as you wouldn't meet the first guy from a chatroom in person, or invite a complete stranger into your home, networks online take time to build. And it would be helpful to have the good sense to recognize when something is off. On the matter of broadcasting your every impulse, I veer more towards blogs and people that don't do that on a regular basis. Just as I don't want to know the colour of my real-life friend's underwear, I'm not sure I want to know the Brazen friend or twitter friend's either. It takes some small measure of common sense to navigate this.
Scott - true. I however, had the rare opportunity to use this to my advantage because my friend was in town for the Olympics. And like Lindsay said, it's always nice to have someone to show you around a city should you travel.
Lindsay - I'm sure socmed offers Extroverts the same chance. But perhaps rather than creating bridges like it does for introverts, it lengthens them. I'd love to hear from extroverts as well!
Ty - agree with your point that it doesn't effectively change you into an extrovert. But it does go some ways towards alleviating the social anxieties that introverts face in new situation. It perhaps arms you with a bit more in that social rollodex of yours so that you don't cling to the walls.
03.08.10
Girl, don't forget you said you were coming for a visit!! Or if I ever have money (cause the passport is always up-to-date), I should come see you! I'm all about the IRL meetups, but I will admit, with all the SXSW talks, I'm totally bummed I'll be missing out. Maybe next year! I'll start saving now :) Thanks a lot for the hat tip, and keep it going.
03.08.10
I can't agree with you more. I'm a fairly socially awkward person myself and often have trouble gathering myself to meet someone new - career related or otherwise. But Social Media has helped me tremendously. Emily Jasper's post on Googling people resonated so much with me, just like your post here does. Knowing a little about people before meeting them, all thanks to Social Media, has made my life much simpler.
I recently met with a professor from the Univ. of Minnesota, who is a friend of a friend. And all I knew about her was from her Facebook profile. Just a year ago, if I was in India, I would have NEVER dared to do what I did. I had a wonderful time and ended up having more in common with her than I ever thought I could.
Can't wait for our IRL meeting :-)
03.09.10
Em - No problem. And yes, I'm on the saving here too, so I can come visit you and Sabera :)
Sab - It's wonderful how social media can actually push you to connect with others in a way you might never actually attempt on your own! And the thing is, for introverts, it's right in their comfort zone (sitting quietly in front of the computer for extended periods of time). Glad you've had a great IRL experience, and I can't wait for our either :)
03.09.10
I'm so happy Social Media has helped you get social- that's something I really believe in with Social Media- the power it has to bring people together IRL.
03.09.10
Mehnaz, I think you are confusing the terms "introvert" and "shy." I think you happen to be both, but that is not the case for everyone (I happen to discuss this issue on my blog today too!). Social media is helping you to be less shy, but I expect you will continue to find social interactions IRL draining. I know I do, even when I am meeting up with good friends. But happy to see that social media is helping you overcome your inhibitions!
Jen
03.12.10
Great post, Mehnaz! Very good point, JenG. The true definition of an introvert is if social interactions drain you. I've definitely become less shy over the years, and I really enjoy being with people, but Im still drained when its all done!
03.12.10
Hi Mehnaz! Thanks for the post. It's encouraged me to get more involved in and be more attentive with my social media outlets.
I am very introverted and have quite a bit of social anxiety on top of it. I rarely leave the house these days because of this, but maybe by blogging and interacting like I am here I'll have something to talk about when I run into neighbors, old coworkers, fellow BC'ers, etc.
03.12.10
Thanks for the definition, Ryan. I think it's good for Introverts to keep in mind that it's normal to feel drained after socializing. For the longest time I thought something was seriously wrong with me, but really I just needed to make sure I had time to prepare for a social gathering and then time AFTER to recoup and recenter myself. That's just the way it is.
03.12.10
Jen- totally agreed with your addition to the definition of an introvert. It's in fact, the absolute cardinal feature. But I think that social situations where introverts don't know the people they're meeting are even more harrowing and can really push us out of engaging with these folks. It's this whole draining aspect that can keep us in our shells. So while i don't mean that all introverts are shy, I just think social media is a great way to bridge that gap.
Ryan - Absolutely. I get drained too (weddings can be an absolute nighmare, as can conferences).
Alicia - thanks for sharing. You're absolutely normal. There are a lot of us capital I introverts out there (check out the groups section for the various MBTI groups containing introverts). I think you're doing a very brave thing by putting yourself on the social media field and I hope you have much success. Just remember, it's totally alright to take time off for yourself after socializing.
Patrick - glad we share a love for social media!
04.29.10
I think it always helps to feel more comfortable with social networking if you know more people in person and it definitely is easier to attend face-to-face networking events if you have a good amount connections in your social network.
One of the most important parts of F2F networking is to stay in touch long term through social networking, which go hand in hand at helping you meet new people and feel more comfortable. http://www.learn.colostate.edu/blog/entry.dot?id=206380
Got Something To Say?
Got Something To Say?
Not a Member? Brazen Careerist is a career management tool for next-generation professionals. Set up a free account today to comment on this post and start sharing your ideas. Learn more.
Login to view your networks!
 |
 |
|
|
 |
