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I’ve been worried lately that I might be a bit of a snob. I tend to only enjoy being around people that, well, are a lot like me. That’s not just snobby, it’s narcissistic. Apparently, I really like myself.
I like being goofy, like, all the time. Cracking jokes pretty much constantly. Being ironic, sarcastic, and just a general pain the in A. I can sometimes feel this wearing on people who aren’t like me. They smile in a “that’s not really funny” kinda way and I preserve my ego by assuming they just don’t get it cuz they don’t read enough or they watch Two and a Half Men (though I really thought Ducky from Pretty in Pink could do no wrong – he can and he did) or they’ve been deprived of knowing people like me for too long.
The thing is, I’m the same way. I really can’t make myself laugh at something that’s not funny, even when it’s the polite thing to do. I feel like I might make some weird sound that isn’t at all like a laugh cuz my body doesn’t know what it’s doing. Then people will look at me like I’m some kind of freak who makes weird noises at inappropriate moments.
I also really can’t stand small talk. I’m just not good at it. It’s pretty bad, my sentences come out short and jumbled. How do people have full conversations about nothing? I don’t understand. I’m perfectly satisfied with silence if you don’t actually want to get to know me and it’s probably pretty obvious that I don’t really care to know you so…let’s not discuss the weather, the latest Brangelina drama, or where I got my jacket and how much you love Forever 21.
The other thing is, I write this and think, “Ugh. What a horrible person!” Does it make me a bad person that I only enjoy being around people that are like myself or that I don’t make much of an effort to talk small or laugh falsely? (I didn’t phrase that fairly)
I mentioned this to my friends, who I love, and who are very similar to myself in many ways (though they have their own unique attributes that I admire – and faults that irk me) and they said, “Birds of a feather, Age, birds of a feather.”
You know how I feel about bird analogies. I like birds. I just don’t want to flock like one, have one in my hand, two in the bush, or kill two with one stone. I’m also aware I may have missed the point.
I guess I’m just hoping that since I’ve detected this not so subtle flaw in my character that my future experiences in the Peace Corps in a completely different country, continent, culture, will help me to be open to a variety of different people and personalities. I feel like I’m a pretty nice person, or try to be, but I want to be more than that. I want to feel genuine attraction towards others. I don’t want to miss out on knowing anyone, you know?
Imagine if I only knew people like me for the rest of my life. I’d become one of those closed-minded, unaffected people, believing everyone should agree with me and if they don’t, they’re stupid. Ew.
Though, the important thing to note in all of this is that I will never, ever, like Two and a Half Men. Double ew.
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Comments
02.18.10
Hi Adrienne,
Your post reminds me of Ben Schneider's attraction-selection-attrition theory of organizations. It is based on the finding that nearly all people, whether they know it or not, are attracted most to people who are like themselves, and prefer to work with people like themselves. It's just the way we are wired!
In the theory, organizations subconsciously attract and select individuals that are most like the folks that already work there, and over time, people who do not share those personality traits will leave the organization. So in sum, I don't think you're a snob-- I think you're an aware human being.
Though I think, to an extent, that the way that you feel is normal-- the fact that you think it's gross that you're the kind of person who thinks less of those who disagree with you is an awesome step toward ending it. After all, "the first step is admitting you have a problem," right? :-)
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02.18.10
Hi Adrienne. I don't think you're a snob you're just a gal who knows what she likes and isn't scared to put it out there. Most of us don't learn the value of this until we realized just how precious and fleeting life really is.
Life is short. Do things that make you happy, inspired and fulfilled.
02.18.10
I agree with the ladies above. And I'm much the same way. However, I do make an effort to do things that are outside my comfort zone and interact with people who are quite different from myself, and I find that that is really enjoyable as well, especially when you've been seeing the same people and places over and over again ;)
02.18.10
I used to have friends who I thought were just like me, but then later I found that they're that step just beyond "not nice person." But you don't realize this right away. At the end of almost two years of drama, when I got out of this group, it felt like I had been brain washed. Since then, even if people are very similar to me, I do try to surround myself with a variety of people, too.
Now, I fully admit, it's much easier to be my true self around those who get to know me and are similar to me. I am very silly and goofy, and I LOVE to laugh. But even now, I don't care as much anymore if I get an odd look now and again for being myself.
02.18.10
Hi Adrienne,
It's great that you know who you are and what you like and don't like. I agree with Emily in that you should try to surround yourself with a variety of people. Maybe even some people who enjoy small talk or who are super wild and crazy. The key is going to be that they accept you the same way you accept yourself!
02.18.10
Seriously, I relate to this so well. My current place of employment is a place where I don't really fit in that well - like you, I can't do small talk and though I try to be nice to everyone, I have a hard time connecting with most people there. I knew it wasn't the right place for me when I started, but I needed a job. A year and a half later, I'm still there.
I feel so lucky to have friends that get me and my humor - in this particular workplace it doesn't work so well, but I've had positive work experiences in the past because I was around people with similar sensibilities and such.
02.18.10
I don’t think I would call you a snob, I think you’re independent and genuine. I share some of the characteristics you mentioned as well, but I don’t consider them flaws it’s just me being me. If you have characteristics that you feel are a fault than by all means change them, but I believe you should do so because you want to and not because you feel “pressured” into changing due to someone else’s opinion as to what is “normal” (i.e. your point about not laughing at jokes you think aren’t funny).
I am always willing to get outside my comfort zone (within reason). However, I relish the fact that I am independent enough to know that even though others may think or want to do something that I don’t want to do that I can stand alone. That’s definitely a trait I’m not willing to give up. I thoroughly enjoyed this post!
02.18.10
Wow. Thanks guys for the encouragement to be myself! I now know I'm not the only one and hope to continue striking a balance between being genuine and continuing my personal growth.
02.19.10
I don't think you are a snob. At my work environment, I am cordial and respectful to everyone, but I do not have time for nonsense. I go to work and do the tasks that I assigned to. I don't have time to talk about foolishness and gossip in the workplace. I tend to have lunch alone and take walks by myself and I am happy with that. Time is money and time is needed for useful things in life. I don't have time to talk to superficial people. The only ones that I will invest my time is to people who are positive, givers, and genuine.
02.19.10
"I like being goofy, like, all the time. Cracking jokes pretty much constantly. Being ironic, sarcastic, and just a general pain the in A."
Just fired someone who was like this a couple of weeks ago. She irritated and aggravated everyone around her. Her act wore very thin, especially since she often went over the top with her "pain in the A" persona while interacting with senior management. The final straw was a snide, nasty, rude, crude, sarcastic, and racist comment she made to me about my mother.
She thought it was hilarious. I simply said, "Security will escort you out now. Your final paycheck will be mailed to you and you can pick up the contents of your desk in the lobby tomorrow."
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