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Beginning....
I am scared of beginnings. Every time I have to start something, I get a little bit of performance anxiety. I think it comes from being an only child and going to the same school for 13 years straight. I was only new in kindergarten, I only had to start once, and that was so long ago that no one remembers.
Starting things require a certain level of blind faith and dedication. They require a person to stand up and recognize that whatever it is they are beginning will be a bit difficult, to say the least.
When I started college, I had no idea what I was getting into. I didn’t really know what to do about majors, or how I would make friends after 13 years of the same people – the same faces surrounding me and (sometimes) tormenting me. They were at least familiar. But I made my way. I helped start a sorority, and figured out my passion for nonprofit service and dedication. In many ways, coming in not knowing was what helped me learn the most.
I took on internship opportunities and volunteer experiences that I never thought I would have the guts to do otherwise. I studied abroad, and I made the most of every day – taking copious notes about British architecture, and documenting my entire life in Europe. I wanted to be like a sponge for new things. And it helped me continue to take on new challenges.
The working world outside of college is much different – at least for those of us that still are working a 9-5 job. You have things to worry about, money and relationships and making moves for the long-term instead of the RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW. The fear of beginnings can grow again. You may not know why it keeps growing, but the more you settle into routine, the more that feeling can deepen.
My dream is to start my own nonprofit. 9-5 or not, I have always had this dream. It is not exactly the route of the “get rich quick” people, nor is it a guaranteed success story. I think there is this illusion that everyone that wants to do good in the world deserves a shot. It’s not easy. Many nonprofits that begin as small grassroots entities remain that way for the long haul. Funding is hard to come by, and talented people sometimes prefer to work for more pay (which is understandable). There are few stabilities like guaranteed health and dental insurance, and the ability to come home at the same time every day. It is an entrepreneurial venture.
My passion led me into this field, and has kept me here because of how much I value what NGO’s bring to the table. They contribute things that I believe the private sector never could, and I want to make my mark on the world. The beginnings are the tough part. They are the time when we look behind us, and see potential failure at our heels. It’s there – and it will probably remain there for a long while.
When it comes to changing the world, all we have are beginnings, because we can accept no ends. Without the beginnings, there is no innovation or new ways of thinking. We keep evolving, and can only hope that we draw strength from all the successful beginnings that came before.
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Comments
02.10.10
A beginning has to made at all levels. Skeptical people and lousy stories pull us back and try to hold us, rather fill negative energies in our bodies. The problem arises when one starts dreaming of success or fearing failure without actually beginning.
02.10.10
Thanks for the comment. I think its true that people definitely let skepticism affect them. Thanks for the comment!
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