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This weekend was my birthday, and I went to Madison to celebrate with my friend Brennan and the Brazen crowd. We had a blast! And not for the reasons I originally thought…
When you are spending time developing online relationships, through twitter, blogs, or communities, you get an image of the people on the other side of the profile pic. You assume, now that we don’t have to totally fake who we are, that the people in person are going to be pretty similar to the persona on the web. And for the most part, it’s true.
And then you start talking to people, and the exciting stuff happens!
See, you don’t really know all the ins and outs of your internet friends. You are really only getting a glimpse of the whole person, and even if everything online is totally genuine, it’s still only one layer of many. When you meet in person, you have to find those other layers.
You talk about art movies like Frida and Pollock.
About driving on I-95 from D.C. to Richmond and avoiding the Emporia, VA speed traps.
That every song at the piano bar is “Your birthday song!”
Discovering that apparently you are totally gullible and continue to think a non-intern is actually an intern.
And you NEVER expected one of them to break out the Mick Jagger impersonation.
I think to myself, “Why is this so different from the other times I’ve met other online people?” It’s because we’re there to hang out, not network! We’re there to have fun, not get ahead. It’s one of the first times in a while that I’ve gone out in a group and didn’t feel compelled to bring my business cards.
Now, this may have been a special situation: if I met people who weren’t already connected to me directly, there’s only one degree of separation. We’d find each other online very easily.
After this weekend, however, I’ve decided that if I continue to travel, meeting my online friends, that I want to have fun. We can talk shop, but we can also -GASP- get to know each other! Isn’t that what real friendship is about anyways? I don’t want my relationships to only be about getting ahead fast professionally, but about connecting beyond that superficial “Nice to meet you” handshake.
Do you find that when you visit those you’ve met online that you can put away the business cards and really get to know the person? How often to you seek out those internet connections? Are any of them surprising you?
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Comments
02.10.10
WONDERFULLY conceptualized and presented. I too wish to move beyond ... since I spend quality time on social networks, including Brazen.
02.10.10
Love reading your posts - and you are exactly right. I have met some amazing people through Twitter and then meeting them in person has been fantastic!
02.10.10
This is very true. In a lot of ways, it's the same as meeting a penpal (see how old I am? I grew up in the days of penpals!). I met one after years of writing--in fact, even before we met, he and his wife asked me to be their son's godmother, which is what led me to fly to England to meet them.
They were more apprehensive about it than I was, as it turns out--they'd had a really bad experience in the past, and weren't sure how it would be to have me in their home for 10 days.
As it turned out, we all got along really well; I was even able to watch their children for a day and give them some very rare free time. Twenty years later we're still friends, only now we communicate primarily through Facebook.
02.10.10
Haven't met any of my Brazen friends in person yet, Em, but I think the substance of any relationship is quickly developed online. There's constant reading and writing, and as the saying goes, "water seeks its own level."
In Brooklyn accent: "I love dis place!"
I like to do voices.
02.10.10
@Neeraj Thank you! I find that the more engaged I am with Brazen and groups that are collaborative partners, the more meaningful my connections.
@Dr John I'm glad you're having great experiences with twitter. I know some are hesitant, but if you're really having meaningful conversations online, it's not so scary in person.
@KateNonymous: You know, your thought actually brought up for me that it's not just about meeting new people, but reconnecting with early relationships. I have moved so much that all of a sudden, I'm connected to friends from years and years ago. Sure, I might have nothing in common with them anymore, but hey, you never know. You both may have changed, but you can find that you fit into the old rhythms of friendship quite easily. Thanks!
@Jay Ha, love the voice! I do voices too...I pulled out the hardcore Minnesota "Don'cha know" for the Brazen boys, and I would like to think it was pretty entertaining. I hope you get to meet people from Brazen online, I know I'm probably going to try and do more connecting as well!
02.10.10
Absolutely. Can't speak for Brazen as I've only been here a few days, but tapping Twitter to find and get to know people in my area has been profoundly beneficial to my social life.
Something I've always felt is that there ought to be more social networking, not in the sense of taking your day-to-day social interactions online (a la Facebook), but in the sense of going to a networking event with no business intention, just a desire to meet new people and make new friends. It's why I, along with a few others, started a networking group in my city to do just that.
02.10.10
Emily,
I like the direction you are headed but slightly disagree with the idea of leaving your business cards at home.
I want to share one story with you. This story is the ONLY reason I will NEVER leave my business cards.
It was July 4th, 2009 and my fiancee and I were headed out to a BBQ at a friends new beach house. Running late we rushed out of the house and I forgot almost all my personal belongings. When I went back to grab my wallet, iPhone and bottle of Johnny Walker Black, I noticed my brand new business cards still in the box by the front door. Quickly I opened them and stuffed 20 in my pocket.
This party was a small gathering of close friends so I wasn't really expecting to need my cards other than to show off how creative I was in designing something so simple but yet extremely effective.
The house I was at was connected to another house that was also having a party. Being the social fish that I am, I managed to spark conversations with our fellow BBQ-ers. To make a long story shorter, I made many new friends and because I had my business cards I was able to create an easy and, unthreatening opportunity for my new friends to find out more about me. The new friends I made turned out to be a few very important people in Hollywood, an A-list agent, an emmy-winning writer, and an oscar winning director. They have all become close friends and business collaborators.
Having my business cards with me created an opportunity to open new lines of communication that may not have taken place. I am not always business, but this story proves that you never know who you are going to run into when leaving the house.
That last statement made me think of Superman. He leaves the house in street clothes but when the moment turns bad he always has his superhero uniform with and becomes all business.
02.10.10
@Emily, I'm actually Facebook friends with a couple of people who I did not get along with in school. But when a friend request or suggestion came up, I thought, "Eh, we mostly just rubbed each other the wrong way, and I'm friends with most of your friends. Let's assume by now that we've all grown up a bit."
Of course, there are some people I don't want to have contact with for specific reasons.
02.10.10
@Brian, you've hit it right on the head: social! We don't have to continue to live our lives online. We have the opportunity to actually enjoy a drink, have good conversation, and build relationships.
@Bear, I'm glad you had an opportunity where having your cards handy worked out. I'm not going to say I never have my business cards, I do. For people less technically inclined, it's a good way to exchange information. I will say, though, in my experience over the last year, anywhere where people are bearing a stack of cards means that they don't care what I have to say. They're looking for a professional handout because circumstances haven't been kind to them. Or they want me to Buy, Buy, Buy! Whereas if I go into a situation where the cards aren't part of my wardrobe for the evening, I have found that the tone of the evening is in favor of friendship, not networking. Business cards can be a trigger for you to go into networking-mode, and if that's not what you want, you probably shouldn't throw a stack in your purse. If you can balance it, then good for you!
@Kate, yeah, there are some that I don't friend...What I do love is you don't always have to be friends with everyone, you have a choice.
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