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Back in early December, there was a week where I felt trapped. Trapped by my location, by my wants and needs and loves and hates. All around me on the internet, people were doing amazing things. Starting life adventures, moving to new states, getting engaged or married or falling in love or starting a new job. And there I was — trapped.
My first response was jealousy. I want to be doing fun things too! I want to have the freedom and the resources and the time to carry out my heart’s every little whim! I want to pick up on a moment’s notice and take an impromptu road trip. I want to take a risk, jump without looking, and do something exhilarating.
But I can’t. I am stuck on this stupid hill on this stupid campus taking stupid classes. I have to sit back and go through the motions for one more semester before I graduate, a semester I doubt will make me drastically more qualified to say that I have my Bachelor’s degree than I already am at this very moment.
And that feeling? That feeling is utterly frustrating.
I felt stuck, and I felt like I everyone I looked up to and respected and adored was embarking on a new chapter and I was left behind, and while I was ecstatically happy for everyone, I was incredibly sad for myself.
It took a little while, a couple days of isolation and reflection (and a beach vacation didn’t hurt) but I finally moved past that feeling. Because one day? One day it will be my turn.
I forget sometimes that I’m 22. TWENTY-TWO. I may feel like an old woman sometimes, but I’m a child. I have all the time in the world to 25, 28, 30… But I only have 9 months left to be 22. More importantly, I only have 4 months left in my college career. My life will never be like this again, and instead of yearning for what the future has in store, I need to appreciate what the present is right now, and live in each moment.
I have a lot to be thankful for, and in this moment I am most thankful for the fact that I have friends that do amazing things with their lives and take chances and jump without looking and believe in themselves and INSPIRE ME to do the same.
So 2010 — you and I have 354 more days together. Let’s make them good ones.
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Comments
01.13.10
Don't you ever feel it's like some of our friends are speeding through life? I had a co-worker that was only a year younger and she got married at 22. I gave her a speeding ticket for life.
01.13.10
Been there, done that, have the t-shirt.
I think the thing to remember is perspective. Perhaps some of these people will have finished all their adventuring by the time they hit 30. Who knows. I think after some momentum, you do take off. It just depends on how long it takes to build set moment. Patience and hard work go a long way.
And inspiration to move forward from the people around you is a great way to keep that perspective :) Great post!
01.13.10
One of my friends graduated at 20 and started working. Whenever he and I talk about college, I have many more fun stories to share. He rushed through college and had the same perspective as you, but now he regrets his decision. Have fun while you still can.
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