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Last night, I watched The Blind Side, that new Sandra Bullock movie where she adopts a boy from “the other side of town” and gives him the tools he needs to succeed, going on to become a pro-NFL football player. It is one of those American dream comes true movies. Usually I really don’t enjoy movies like this, but I guess the depth of the subject here made it more palatable than most.
Afterwards, I was struck less by the acting, the storyline, and the outcome – and more by the overarching theme of expectations, and how they sometimes become larger than life. We are told from a young age in American culture that if we dream big, we can achieve large results.
So I looked at the example of the movie – and yes, that is the lesson we learn here. A rich white family takes control of the life of a teenager whose drug-addicted mother can no longer care for him – or her other 12 or so children.
The thing that made The Blind Side different was that it acknowledged the irony in that. Michael, the young man in the film, is confronted by the NAACP and questioned. He is basically made to confront the audiences fear – that this family used him to guide him in the direction of their choosing, not his. They really love Ole’ Miss, so maybe this was all a ploy for him to go to THEIR favorite school. Though this seemed like quite a lot of hoop jumping for the likable Sandra Bullock character, I really was glad that they at least brought this fear up. This is the fear of someone helping for the wrong reasons.
So all in all, it got me thinking about the expectations we have as Americans, as young people, as human beings in general. If we try really hard at something, does it mean we will succeed to a professional NFL level? Surely not. Does it give us a leg up against the others that DO have natural ability. Maybe. Not necessarily.
After the film, it was hard not to let my pessimistic side come out. (Yes, it is there – buried beneath a few years of positive thinking) That side of me was thinking that it is unrealistic to think that this can happen often, and perhaps that is precisely the reason they made a movie about it. Because it is in the top one percent of times in which this happens.
I thought about the expectations we have as individuals in our own lives, and where they come from. Do we all expect to be superstars deep down? Maybe. In the blog world, a lot of self-esteem comes from the amount of views, comments, and networking opportunities that our thoughts generate. But maybe our expectations are in the wrong place.
In our career, the promotion, the money, the job satisfaction overall, is what matters to many. But maybe the expectation at work cannot be carried out by other people – even if they are above you in the hierarchy. Maybe it really has to come from us. As much as possible, we have to expect what we can give ourselves. We can try to please others, but it is never a guarantee. What IS that guarantee is the fact that we will have disappointments at one point or another.
Our only real expectation that we can have is to try to be better. Work harder, live more fully, love more completely, and live up to the expectations that we can have for ourselves.
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Comments
12.14.09
I love this blog, beth. So well put.
Like you, I'm a bit of a cynic, having developed a rather upstanding armour in the process.
I do agree, that we have expectations thrust upon us from the moment we're born. Part of that is because of the social construct that our society is, and its social consciousness. We're expected not to put our elbows on the table, we're expected to say thank you, we're expected to get a good education, we're expected to give back.
while some of these are rather a matter of living a society, I do agree that oftentimes, there are unwarranted expectations. The thing that i've learned and carry with me, is that I expect myself to reach my own optimum capacity, no matter what anyone else thinks about it. I am my own standard, and my own competition.
It's tough when you're in a culture that is so comparative about EVERYTHING. But it's a valuable lesson to carry with.
Thanks for the thought-provoking post!
12.14.09
You're right, we have to acknowledge that it's not always an easy road. Even if you end up in that one-percent, there's something that may not work out. There are people who will distrust hard work, not believe your motivations, and so on. I know for me, I say that I want to make a difference. That difference, depending on what day you ask me, can be helping one person be a little bit better or it can be changing the whole world. I think I'm fortunate enough to believe that my goal takes into account accurate expectations. That it is within my grasp to make a difference to one individual. That if you add up a bunch of individuals, you'll get a group. And a few groups could equal a whole population. But it takes work to get there. Others hope things happen over night, that the road is easy, and that the rewards are high. Sure, I'd like to be rewarded for my efforts, but I don't include that in my expectations. And maybe by doing that, I'll be considered successful on the other side...
Thanks Beth!
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