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I do not feel like an adult. I support myself, have a job and live 818 miles away from my Mom and Dad, but I still feel like a child most every day. And I know I’m not the only one. Millennials everywhere are having a hard time growing up. I know a handful of Millennials who have no clue what they want to do with their lives, and I know even more Millennials who are doing something amazing with their lives and still don’t really know what they want to do.
But Millennials have great educations and are smart, so why is growing up so hard for Millennials?
1. We still want to be astronauts- We don’t really all want to be astronauts, but we still do want to believe that we can do whatever it is we want to do with our lives. Millennials do not want to settle, and if you aren’t a grown up then you don’t have to settle. Which is why it’s hard for Millennials to grow up and try to discover what they really want to do with their lives.
2. Our parents don’t want to force us- I hate to blame our parents entirely for why we aren’t growing up, but they definitely aren’t helping us either. A lot of Millennial parents (not all!) are used to hovering over their children, and they only want them to be happy. And if that means not settling for a job that they don’t want, then many Millennials parents are happy to support their children for as long as they can. But this is a terrible thing, because we need the push from our parents to force us to grow up.
3. Growing up actually is hard- Maybe this sounds like an excuse, but growing up really is hard for Millennials. It’s a huge transition where everything changes and your life becomes totally different. Can you really blame Millennials for not really wanted to grow up?
Tell me what you think! Who’s fault is it that Millennials are having a hard time growing up? Are the Millennials you know having a hard time too?
(For more information check out some of my other posts on Millennials at work.)
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Comments
12.14.09
I feel you on this one. I'm pushing 30, been married for 5 years, and still I find myself asking: Am I really grown up? because I don't feel like it.
Maybe we can turn this into a strength in the long run -- find a way to harness that undying youthfulness as we go through life.
12.14.09
Blake, I completely agree. Furthermore, don't you think the longer we put it off the harder it will be? However, at the same time, I really respect the folks that are holding out and working toward their "dreams", whatever they may be. It is a weird line to walk.
12.14.09
I've discussed this with my dad on a number of occasions, and he says, at 53, he still feels like he's 18. So I'm not sure any of us really ever "grow up" -- we just keep living and it's natural for our memory and identity as young adults to continue through our 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond.
12.14.09
I agree, I think it's the uncertainty that is getting us. And that makes sense that no matter your age, you sometimes feel like a kid. You want someone to tell you everything is going to be ok.
Thanks Blake!
12.14.09
I also think that the angst that comes with growing up in this generation has a lot to do with the fact that we take the idea of living on our own terms very very seriously. As a result, more of us are trying to find creative ways of earning a sustainable living off of our varied interests...all in an effort to live happily, passionately, and authentically. More of us are turning away from secure path, (graduate from college, graduate from law school, get suburban house, car, and dog) to forge unique ones that feel right to us.
12.14.09
I don't think this is just Millennials. There's a fair amount of time when I feel like I'm still a kid, and I'm on my second career (with actual progression in both) with a marriage and mortgage.
It's not entirely bad to feel like a kid sometimes. I think it helps you take another look at where you are, and ask if it's where you want to be.
But you're right that it can also keep you from committing (another way to look at settling). And I do think that too much support, however benevolently meant, can be a crutch.
After all, when a foal is weaned, the mare literally kicks it away until the foal stops coming back. It seems cruel, but that's how the foal knows that it's time to grow up.
I don't think it's necessary to go quite that far, but at some points parents need to stop being hands-on supervisors and become consultants, providing guidance and suggestions when asked to.
After all, it's your life, not theirs.
12.14.09
Thank you for this post! I cannot tell you how much anguish I felt over the summer once I graduated from my Master's program and finished interning.... everyone around me seemed to know what they wanted to do and how to make it happen but I felt so lost. My family wasn't a big help because they all are in the medical field and I'm the black sheep of the family in Communications! They never forced me to "figure it all out", as you mentioned, which is probably a blessing in disguise.
But for now, I think I've found my place and we'll see where it leads me! I don't know if this is what I want to do forever, but maybe that's not something we must absolutely know? It builds character, if anything!
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12.14.09
Thank you everyone for your comments!
@Meghan- It is going to get even harder for Millennials the longer they put it off. Especially the ones who are "waiting" for the perfect job, life, etc.
@Kate- It's interesting to see that not only Millennials feel this way. Maybe it's just more evident to me in Millennials because I am one.
12.14.09
@Blake, I think it's also just something that at some point, we stop talking about, largely because there's only so much to be said on the matter. Eventually you just think, "Eh, this is how it is" and move on.
12.14.09
Nice post, and something many people are talking about these days.
I guess what confuses me most about this whole conversation is the implication that there is some inherent value in (or even some requirement to) "feeling grown up." If we are supporting ourselves and making a valuable contribution to society, why does it matter if we "feel grown up"?
Likewise, I think knowing what we want to do with our lives is overrated. We need to stop worrying about what we want to do with our lives. While we are worrying, life is moving forward. Life doesn't wait for us to come to grips with these existential questions. Life is an every day exercise in reality (the journey), not a theoretical discussion of possibilities (the destination).
12.14.09
I like to think of settling as a different way. We all want to be astronauts because we believe it's the only way we can be happy. However I hope that as we learn more about who we are and what we really want it life- we also find out that we are perfectly fine being a science teacher.
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