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I've read countless manuscripts that begin by describing a character writhing in pain. Mental pain, physical pain, emotional pain, you name it.
For instance:
John clenched his throat and tried to stop the flow of blood, but he couldn't. His skin became whiter and whiter, and he broke out into a cold sweat. He felt prickles all up and down his back, and his breathing became intensely labored. He squinted into the sun and wondered if this was finally going to be it.
[Two paragraphs later, after more pain description]
He felt certain he was going to die after getting trampled by a bull moose. He thought about his life as a whole, and was actually pleased at the thought he'd never have to suffer married life again.
Writers probably think it is better to dramatize this opening moment of crisis—to SHOW the character in pain or agony.
In fact, it's usually better to come right out and tell, and get to the point quickly. You can grab my attention much more effectively by starting out this way:
On his 500th hunting trip, it finally happened. John was trampled by a bull moose. His wife tried calling him while it happened but he couldn't reach his cell phone. In that moment it became crystal clear to him: He wanted a divorce.
This is a VERY extreme example, but hopefully the point is made. Dramatizing (or showing) can slow down your first scene to an absolute crawl. It's hard to care about any character's pain until we know that character's conflict, motivation, and overall environment.
Later on in the book, when we're on the edge of our seat, wondering what will happen to John, because we care so much about John—that's the time to show and dramatize, and keep us in suspense.
Need more help on your story beginning? Writer's Digest publishes the only book available specifically on how to handle story openings:
Also check out my favorite recent title on novel writing:
- The Fire in Fiction by Donald Maass (literary agent)
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Comments
12.11.09
"It was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly a shot rang out! A woman screamed. A pirate ship appeared on the horizon"
12.11.09
This is a good idea for Emails too. I work in IT support, and many times I've started emails with a long description of a series of events.
Then I realize that no one is going to read it, so I simply state the issue up front in a few sentences: "This happened. We did/didn't fix it. Explanation below".
12.11.09
@JRandom - LOL. Exactly.
@Scott - Fascinating perspective. I have a feeling I'll be using that as an example with some writers I know!
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