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The derision and drama on blogs, news and broadcast nowadays is entertaining, like a domino of tabloids back-to-back. And while we instinctively know that insistent self-actualization is an incredibly banal form of entertainment, it remains so vast in its infectiousness, and so strong in its self-referential feeding, that navel-gazing is now suffocating in its empire.
Let’s poke some holes for air.
You are not genuine because you told me of your heartbreak, or your success or your disease or your strengths or your weaknesses or miscarriage or move or relationship or promotion or demotion or disability or conflict or how your cat peed outside of its litter box.
Gross over-sharing is not encouraging or revolutionary or innovative. You are not absolved because you made what was once private now public.
Enough of the cultish drippy-rainbowed sentences: “What’s holding you back? Yourself;” “Motivation is first about taking that first step;” “Do whatever you want, your intuition will guide you;” “Force yourself to look inward;” “Start telling yourself positive things instead of negative things.”
Enough crowdsourcing your life’s misdeeds, your life’s lessons, your life’s minutiae. Enough with bogus empowerment, dramatics, and inflated realities in the name of support, transparency, attention, acceptance. That is not authenticity. That is allegiance to a culture of nineties motivational speeches.
“For me, the demand that everything be paraded in the public space and that there be no internal forum is a glaring sign of the totalitarianization of democracy,” philosopher Jacques Derrida maintains. “If a right to a secret is not maintained then we are in a totalitarian space.”
“Which is to say,” author Zadie Smith argues in Changing My Mind, “enough of human dissection, of entering the brains of characters, cracking them open, rooting every secret out!”
Authenticity is not about revealing it all, nor complete transparency, nor opening the door and shining a very bright light on every raised goosebump. Authenticity is not about blurring public with private. Authenticity is not about the flailing and flapping of our entire hearts and minds to an audience of mirrored hosts.
We have a right to our private lives. Dear God, we have a right to keep the corners of our lives to ourselves. And it is delicious to do so.
Gulp of Air.
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Comments
12.08.09
This should be required reading for everyone signing up for Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, or any blog. A little mystery goes a long, long way.
12.08.09
@ Danielle - I'm enthralled with the concept of mystery lately. If you think of brands, for instance, those who "tell all" (Zappos) do just as well as those who clam up (Apple). Thanks for the comment!
12.08.09
Nice entry! Derrida's comment is interesting but it ignores the fact that the average person chooses to share all their secrets with strangers and can choose not to at any time they'd like. With the exception of high profile politicians and celebrities we still have a good deal of control over how much of our private lives we want to put out there. I wouldn't call myself an oversharer but I have shared personal information online because I like getting different opinions on a particular challenges I'm experiencing. i think it would be really interesting to explore the various reasons why people choose to share what they do online.
12.08.09
@ Kim - I think you're right, it would be extremely interesting to study a person's privacy behaviors (and their secrets!). The whys of those actions would be particularly interesting; I think part of the reason I'm frustrated with what I see is because I'm assuming certain reasons (support, transparency, attention, acceptance, etc.), but maybe there are others.
12.09.09
Good post! I agree that pouring out your heart is not "authenticity" (if you are writing something about your feelings to elicit a reaction from readers, are you really being the real you?) and likewise someone can be completely authentic without ever talking about their feelings or their personal life.
Some people like sharing and some people don't. A friend of mine said to me recently that he could never be as open as I am on Facebook (I'm constantly spamming status updates ;o)) but at the same time he admitted that he is glad other people are so open, because it lets him know what's going on in their lives :o) I don't think one way is more valid or more "Web 2.0" or Gen Y than the other - I think, like everything else in how people express themselves and interact, it comes down to personality.
12.09.09
Rebecca,
I enjoyed the post - you don't see Derrida quoted to often on the internet. I'm tempted to deconstruct your post, but rather I'll say this: I think that the oversharing of the Millennial generation has more to do with the technology that we have than anything else. We are so awash in media b/c of all the different sources we have, that being a star becomes more and more important (in previous decades, a child would spend as much time watching real people do actual work, so that would be seen as what is real and important). Now what seems real and important is celebrity and fame.
So, while I agree with you, I don't think it is going to change any time soon.
12.09.09
Something to be said about mysytery, I agree. Sensationalizing, tabloid-style reporting of your own private life may indeed be a corruption of authenticity.
But step back for a moment from those stories, because it's undeniable that there is something empowering about sharing your story.
On Monday, I had the privelege of attending a luncheon to support our local YWCA domestic violence shelter, where a victim of abuse shared her story - it was a difficult, painful story to hear and for her to share. But there was something - transformative to watch as she shared, in a room full of hundreds of women, this bitter, ugly thing that happened to her. As she shared she'd never done "anything like that" - sharing her story. To a room full of strangers.
There are just as many stories like these. The ones that, in the process of telling, change you. In a different way, a delicious breath of air.
12.09.09
You have described a growing trend and its problems very well.
When I've worked with people on their MBA admissions essay, they've asked about sharing tragedies about their life in the essays. I've discouraged that unless it's absolutely essential to directly answering the essay question. The reason is the very high risk that their entire application will be remembered and referenced by that tragedy. They will be the cancer applicant, girl friend dumped on prom candidate, or the vomited during a public speech candidate and all their other accomplishments will be forgotten.
It will change when people realize that it doesn't work.
12.09.09
@ Conor "(if you are writing something about your feelings to elicit a reaction from readers, are you really being the real you?) "
That is such a great question that I had a convo with a friend about the other day. I think it's an interesting paradox about our generation. We are wildly committed to living authentically but technology has cultivated this practice of making our lives sources of interest or entertainment for everyone else. Makes you wonder if we are living for ourselves or dramatizing and clinging to stories about who we are for more twitter followers...
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