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There are two ways to start a mentorship.
You can let it grow naturally, or you can ask for it.
Personally, I let my mentorships grow naturally. I view a mentorship as a mixture of a professional relationship and a “friendship”. Therefore, while you can specifically seek out a professional to be your mentor and build a relationship with them, you can’t really ask for a friendship.
I know others have found success in asking a professional to be their mentor formally. They find someone who they look up to, who they think would serve as a good mentor, and they just ask them.
What do you think? Should you ask a professional to be your mentor or should you let your mentorships grow naturally?
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Comments
11.30.09
David, I love that you posted this, because it's a pet peeve of mine.
People need to ask themselves: What, really, is a mentor? The mentor does two thing, answers questions and cares about your career. So you can't ask someone, "will you please care about my career?" Caring is something that blossoms organically, over time. Which means all you can do is ask good questions and engage the mentor -- the more questions he or she answers, the more she will care about your career. The trick is to ask questions that are good enough that the person will keep answering.
So here's how to get a mentor: Ask real questions instead of the question "will you be my mentor?" The hardest part of having mentors is not finding people who will do it. It's finding the right questions to forge the relationship. The questions need to be interesting to the mentor - not too basic, but easy to answer in a short amount of time. And the questions need to be actionable to you -- you need to take action based on the advice, and then let the mentor know you took the advice.
Actually, David, your question is a great example. (Well, if wanted a mentor like me.) Because it was a question I liked :)
Penelope
11.30.09
Are you saying you want to be my mentor? hehe ^_^
I like what you said...it's not something you hear often about mentorships. The way you've described a mentorship probably won't sit well with many people, because it means the mentee has to do some work. They have to put thought into their interactions and questions. You have to follow through with the advice and make a point to show your mentor what you've done with their time and help.
Growing a mentorship formally doesn't have to mean asking right up front "will you be my mentor". You can grow a mentorship strategically by asking the right questions, and engaging regularly.
Thanks for your thoughts.
11.30.09
David, I think you hit the nail on the head with the statement that mentorship is "a mixture of a professional relationship and a “friendship”. Many people (myself included) are uncomfortablew with this idea. Which is probably why it is so hard to define and cultivate.
So I think it is best to let it grow organically. You just allow relationships to happen, and only later do you realize that someone was your "mentor".
11.30.09
Good work on this, Mr, Spinks, and I apologize for my lengthy response coming your way!
When I started my Masters program, Villanova insisted on each new student taking part in their "mentorship program". Maybe I was a tad excited and thought Villanova would be smart enough to use former students that graduated from the HR Masters program, but was disappointed when I found out that wasn't the case.
They paired me up with a woman that worked at Vanguard. We had a mandatory first phone call and she seemed incredibly bored. We talked for an hour while I stayed late at work discussing her career path and what I'd like to do with mine. She and I never made it to a second phone call. I found out later that she was supposed to call and keep up with me. Thanks lady. What an awful experience.
So, given my story I guess you can tell I'm against forced mentoring. I believe it's a natural progression and definitely a mix of friendship and career advice. The first job I held was an IT recruiter for a staffing agency. My supervisor was the VP of IT recruiting there and after a year at that company I knew he was my mentor. We talked about my career, my education, my family, current events, girls, and his many marriages. When I knew it was time to move on from that company, I felt comfortable letting him know that I was going to need to leave the company soon. He helped and offered advice whenever he could. He's been a great mentor, and an excellent friend. At times I'm not sure which role I see him in more, but when I have a career/job type problem I'll always run it by him first.
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