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I grow tired of everyone assuming that living in the middle is a life unfulfilled.
Let’s face it…I’d say that 95% of us will never achieve the fame and fortune that we once dreamed of, exactly as we dreamed it. Which is devastating to our gentle young professional generation. As a group we were raised to get medals for participation (not winning) at every sports banquet. Sliding scales and bell curves graded our work “more fairly.” We’re taught that you should try to find Mr. Tall, Dark & Handsome to find true love (even though there is only a sliver of the population that fits this image we have in our minds.) We grew up believing anything is possible, if we just try hard enough.
Some of us learned in college, some learned just out of it, some of us are only now learning or still haven’t learned that this isn’t usually the way life shakes down. Yet we set ourselves up time and again to write the great American novel, discover the next “get rich quick” scheme, meet Mr. TDH in a “made only for romantic comedies” scene and fall desperately in love to make lots of babies, or walk onto the Pats. There’s a reason I still choke up a little 3,927 views later when Wild Thing steps onto the field to face his nemesis Parkman in Major League II. We long to know that it is “real.” That people overcome their adversities and challenges to achieve their own rockstardom.
So if we are most likely not going to achieve our dreams exactly as we envision them, why should we even bother, right?
We should still try and learn and grow because even if we aren’t the absolute best at what we originally set out to do, it is safe to assume the other extreme is not true either. In other words, we probably won’t be the worst at it either. We need to learn to find happiness in the space that lies here in the middle.
I don’t believe in settling while we are in the middle either. As I wrote in final response to Carlos Miceli’s post that inspired this one: “Settling is what happens when stuff ceases to move. I will listen to your ideas most definitely, but unless someone compels me with a great argument, I refuse to believe that a happy life is one that is not in motion.”
We measure far too much of our success and failure by what others think. We push for what we think are our dreams, completely oblivious to the realities and circumstances surrounding us. We adhere to a life of all or nothing, which is an exhausting existence to live.
Instead I urge to embrace the middle. To constantly adapt and adjust your dreams and beliefs when compelled for good cause. To never settle and never progress blindly. That we not live a life without motion nor constantly spinning.
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Comments
11.28.09
Thanks for sharing that thought Elisa, I have just joined, you were one of the first people I chose to be linked to, and I am happy I did. Have a great Sat.
11.28.09
Hey Rachel! Wow, thanks for the linkage. I really appreciate it! Welcome to the Brazen community, it's pretty awesome around here. Hope you enjoy, and if you ever have questions or anything feel free to reach out. :)
Happy Saturday to you too!
11.29.09
Hey,
I've been thinking through a lot of the same things, and it is nice to have someone validate my train of thought. I've been trying to redefine "success" to something which I would be happy achieving.
Perhaps a good life with a kind man, a tall stack of books to read, a clear image of someone I've recently helped in my mind, a community to friends to connect with, and a garden to get dirty in.
I would argue the people who achieve more traditional success metrics (make 100k+ a year, get letters before or after their names, or immediately come to mind as tops in their fields, are not necessarily more happy or content than the other 95%.
Dorothy Parker has the last word: “If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.”
12.14.09
Jessica - So sorry, I don't know how I let this comment slip thru!
Your second paragraph reminds me of one of MY favorite quotes: "To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."
I agree that traditional success metrics don't apply to the majority of people. At the same time I think there are some people who are happy achieving those things, but only when they are important to them and they get to maintain their own true self in the process.
Take Bill Gates for example. I could be wrong, but he seems like a pretty happy dude. And he's achieved the success that most people dream of. But for him, it hasn't been ALL about the success and fame and whatnot. At one point in time he was just a geek who dropped out of college and hung out in a garage with his other geek friends. I feel like that same geek is now one of the most powerful men in the world.
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