The job process becomes infinitely more complicated when you have a disability. However slight it may be, it still is perceived as something you can’t do – which leads to the question, what else can’t you do?

When I get an email asking for a phone interview, it sends up a flare. “Shit. They want a phone interview. What do I do?” I can’t ask anyone, because I don’t know any one else in the same situation as me: hearing impaired and looking for full-time employment. Nor do I know what the best protocol is in this situation, cause I’ve had negative experiences and I’ve heard different things from different people.

I could email them and ask for accommodations: an in-person interview would be best because I could guarantee that I can read actual lips and answer those questions. But then I might run into the same complications I had with my last interview: when I asked for accommodation, they said they would be in touch about an in-person interview, gave me specific dates they would be in touch, and never called me back. Two weeks after the date they said they would call me back (and didn’t), I finally called their human resources department.

I said, “I was contacted about an interview for [redacted] a few weeks ago. I explained that I was hearing impaired, and an in-person interview would be best. However, I also called back and suggested an alternative: email me the questions right before the interview. I never heard from the woman who contacted me after I initially explained my hearing impairment.”

The woman I spoke to immediately replied that she would look into the matter and I should expect to hear from her later that same day.

The supervisor of the position to which I applied contacted me later that same day. He invited me in for an interview, which had me a little nervous. Was it a courtesy interview? Or would he take me seriously?

When I arrived, I was surprised to see that my interview would include a few other staff members. Maybe they really would take me seriously!

About thirty minutes later, after what seemed like a thorough and engaging discussion, we exchanged pleasantries, I thanked them, and I left. I thought I might legitimately have a shot at this, especially when one of the interviewers responded to my thank you letter to tell me how impressive he thought I was.

It’s been a month since I went for that interview. Needless to say, I haven’t heard from them since.

So if that’s what happened when I requested accommodations for my disability, is it an experience worth repeating?

On the flip side, I could say yes to a phone interview and run into the risk of not understanding the interviewer on the other end. The woman had a slight accent, and though I explained I was hearing impaired, I ended up asking her to repeat herself so often, it’s a likely consideration she thought I was incapable of communication, and possibly, of comprehension. Not only did I not get a follow-up interview, but I haven’t had any other interviews from that university since. And I’ve applied to seventeen more positions with said university.

So…which way do I go? It seems no matter which way I choose, I get screwed.

For that matter, how many people have chosen not to hire me because I am hearing impaired? How many people write me off, despite my Master’s degree, despite my past professional experiences, despite my repeated perseverance about generally being awesome?

I have always held a positive can-do attitude about my disability and my life. I am unwilling to let it stop me. But when I get called for interviews several times a month and get nowhere after meeting with them or speaking to them on the phone, how much of it is because people are afraid to hire someone that might challenge their perceptions of disabled?

I struggle with trying not to become more and more jaded as I continue my job search. But with the months that pass, the lack of response to my applications and even my interviews, I can’t help begin to question whether there is something I could be doing or if my ever-present blue hearing aid is doing it all for me.