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It’s endearing when you say yes. It’s thoughtful and I believe that giving is an integral part of living. For me, it’s easier to say yes versus no.
Maybe that’s why I’m constantly on overdrive. Last week I not only worked my full-time job but I attended and volunteered at the Ladies Who Launch Leading Lady Awards in Denver on Thursday (afterward I headed back into the office to finish the workday). I continued on my sixth day of work, Saturday morning starting at 7:45 AM as a photographer’s assistant for a friend that needed help with a photo shoot. This was my second Saturday in a row working with her.
I’m not the exception, we’re all busy but reflecting on my life, my friends look at me like I’m crazy. I frequently have to say, “Sorry, I can’t make dinner,” as they all comfortably sit down together to a home cooked meal and relax mid-week. I’m volunteering, catching up on e-mails, putting contacts in touch with my contacts, being a photographer’s assistant, helping Ladies Who Launch, teaching someone how to start a blog, staying on top of my blog and oh right, working at my full-time job.
Prioritizing to Decrease Your Stress Level
Research shows that saying “yes,” causes stress and learning to say “no,” helps keep your commitments and priorities in check. Easier said than done.
Caitlin McCabe talks about learning When To Do Things for Free and When Not To. She includes a fantastic list of when to do things for free and when to charge. I commiserate with her. I usually say yes to every guest blog post, every event, volunteer opportunity and whenever someone asks for help (professionally and personally). It’s not as though I forget my worth or value but I think I can be superwoman and help everyone.
But I can’t.
I know I’m strong. I know I do more than most of the people around me, but there comes a breaking point. If I begin to sacrifice my personal well-being and spread myself thin over twenty projects versus managing myself properly and working on four meaningful projects, I think I should step back and find the risk vs. reward.
Slowly but surely I have begun to say, “No.” It feels really good. It feels really honest.
Just last week a friend at a startup asked me to help rewrite a press release for their team. They budgeted compensation and at first, I said, “Of course, I would be happy to help.” Then (I should have done this prior) I took a look at my schedule and priorities and realized I didn’t have the resources or time to complete the project. I got back to them and apologized that I had to turn down their offer. I wanted to be fair with not only my time, but their own.
Deep breath. Baby steps. I was being honest and in doing so, I set myself free.
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Comments
11.16.09
I often say no to certain requests for this reason. It's exhausting staying on top of stuff, and the people who seemingly do it all have been proven time and again to have a lot of help. Good reminders!
11.16.09
I know and here I am now, sick. I have to keep reminding myself because it's not only important for my well-being but also for my productivity.
11.16.09
I used to volunteer at a fairly high level for an arts group. Essentially, I worked 14 hour days on weekdays and then another dozen and a bit hours on weekends.
I was knackered for most of 2006 as a result
I think it'sil important to keep in mind that your mental and physical health is much more valuable. And you can do much more when you're healthy all the way around. "No" is just about giving yourself permission to look after yourself. As women, it's important to remember that
Thanks for the blog post so many of us can relate to :)
11.16.09
@Mehnaz Wow, I bet you were so tired. There comes a time when our mental and physical health directly play into our everyday work/volunteer lives. It feels good whenever I say no, mostly because I feel relief afterward because I was honest and did something for me.
I'm glad to hear you could relate. It seems like most of us can. Thanks for sharing :)
11.16.09
First, awesome you have so many opportunities to say no. This says a lot about you and your drive and ability. People are noticing and want your help! What a compliment.
Second, definitely a great reminder that we can't say yes to every thing. If it's not aligning with your life's purpose and goals, even if it does but you just don't have time...than yes an "N" should be followed by an "O".
Thanks for the reminder.
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