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There were two posts over the last few weeks that had me thinking: Women in the workplace have all kinds of pressures, with wardrobe being somewhere high on the list.
Most mornings I get ready for work at the gym. Now that I’m swimming, it’s easier to go ahead and shower there than drag my chlorinated self back home to change. Not to divulge any ladies’ locker room secrets, but I wanted to share an observation with you.
One morning, another swimmer (female, probably 40) and I finished our workouts at the same time. We then hopped in our respective showers, and finished about the same time there. We apparently had lockers in the same bank, so it looked like we were going to get dressed in the same area as well.
What I noticed was that she looked like the kind of business woman I didn’t want to be. I’m going to be honest: I was judging the book by its cover. But that’s what we call a first impression, isn’t it?
In the same 15 minutes it took us to dry off and dress, here were the results:
-Her: Plain blue t-shirt, cotton black pantsuit, black socks, orthopedic black shoes, and combed wet hair
-Me: Grey slacks, blue satin top, black sweater, black socks, walking shoes, blown dry hair, make-up, and jewelry
She left as I was getting my last earring in.
Now, there may be a few reasons she dresses pretty conservatively. She could be in finance. My college roommate told me her finance professors not only told her to dress as conservative as possible, but how long her hair could be. The woman from the gym could be an old school banker. She could be a mom with kids and conservative suits are the most functional. She could have had an injury that forced her to wear orthopedic shoes. She may be green and think blow drying her hair is a bad use of energy.
I may never find out those reasons, but if I needed to hire her for some services, wet hair isn’t going to get her the job.
On the other hand, I think my appearance is very important for my work. I may not wear a suit every day, but I do follow the “three piece” rule of top, bottoms, jacket/sweater. But I try to let my personality show. All the way down to my shoes (kind of like that red shoe in the DSW commercial). And I have my hair and make-up done every day. Something that really only takes a few minutes, but it can make a huge difference.
Just as there are those out there who find jeans a type of uniform, I feel the same way about my Nine West pumps. After all the conversations about women role models and attempting to do it all, the locker room observation makes it all the more clear: I can be Super Woman. I can have a successful career, become a wife and mother, balance friends and family, all while looking great. I don’t have to sacrifice pride in my appearance to accomplish everything else.
Especially if it only takes 15 minutes.
The views expressed in my blog are my own and do not necessarily reflect those of my employer.
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Comments
11.04.09
Question: if you like the way you dress, why do you care how others dress?
11.04.09
@katenonymous, great question. When I was in Sales, it was something I was extremely aware of. That clothes represent you to a certain extent. The same idea carries over into how I perceive people: service providers I may hire, mentors and coaches, groups with which I want to associate. Since there's research that suggests appearance and habits of those around you then rub off on you, I do care about how others present themselves. I can't change anyone else, but I can observe and modify myself.
Thanks for the comment!
11.04.09
As long as someone presents themselves in a way that is neat and appropriate for their profession, why not take them seriously? Judging people on their accessories or lack thereof just seems ridiculous.
Yes, your clothes represent you. But you haven't mentioned anything in this post that tells me that the other woman in the gym was presenting herself in an unprofessional way. And for all you know, she ditched her orthopedic shoes for something snappier at work, just like you change out of your running shoes.
11.04.09
We all judge. That's the way it is. I know there are a number of reasons that could explain the plain suit, the shoes, the lack of blown dry hair. But to call it what it is, the whole look was frumpy. As far as my future, I don't want to ever appear as if I let myself go. That's the lesson I learned from this experience.
How do you dress for your profession? What counts as "neat and appropriate" for you?
11.04.09
I don't wear makeup or do my hair for work. I've worn heels to work probably a total of 10 times in the last year. Sure, people in other offices may perceive me as "frumpy." However, I work in research with a group of older coworkers who don't exactly care about my appearance as long as I am presentable. I think it's kind of bogus that we should be judged on such things. Just my two cents...
11.04.09
In my office there's a pretty wide range that's acceptable, and we evaluate each other on merit and ability.
I'd say someone had let themselves go if they were wearing clothes that didn't fit or were dingy-looking, not just if they had a style that differed from mine.
Yes, we all judge. But if we stop there without questioning what our judgments say about us...well, we've all got room for improvement.
11.04.09
@Kelsey, thanks for sharing your side. I know it's awful that we judge (and I fully admit I perpetuate the situation), but it's true. There are multi-billion dollar industries built on our predisposition to judge. I think it's fabulous that you are in a situation where it may not matter, and I hope you will always have that opportunity in your career.
11.04.09
@Emily, you're the one judging. You're the one who can pull yourself up short when you catch yourself doing it. You say "I know it's awful" but you actually seem quite content with it.
Your conclusion has been "I'm glad I'm not that woman, and I'm always going to be different." A more mature conclusion would be, "We all judge, but I realize that I need to work on that--I actually don't know anything about that woman, and who knows what the future holds for me?"
Because you don't know that you will be the ever-fashionable Super Woman. You may not have the wherewithal, you may not have those 15 minutes, you may not have those priorities any more.
If that time comes, is it okay with you if everyone else judges you for it?
11.04.09
@katenonymous, Yes it is ok if I'm judged. I'd expect it.
11.04.09
Good to know. That's not the basis on which I'm judging you, though. Just so you know.
11.04.09
Right back at ya!
11.04.09
I really like what you are saying here because you are illustrating that for each work situation dressing the part is important, but you missed some great comparisons between the generations (and as a gen-yer blogger, I was kinda sad you didn't go into that more! because I find it interesting).
In being a woman in her 40's she's been through a battlefield that I doubt we could image today, even with the work force still being a bit hostile towards women. She may not wear makeup due to being a 2nd waver and it's a personal/political statement. Or maybe the lack of makeup, slicked back hair, and conservative dress could be because it was what she had to do to get where she is today. Cute tops are fun, but a more conservative look could have made her seem less frivolous to the men in her workplace and therefore she was taken seriously and seen for her mind and not her body. (Think Mad Men...) Also, there is a good probability that her shoes are being worn due to vein/leg issues from wearing heels in her 20's/30's or having a standing job. Sure, her business culture could also be different than yours, but I think the generational gap is more interesting, for you, to explore.
Because dressing the part is important when it comes to the work force and any job you have, we just have to remember others aren't dressing OUR part. :-) As younger folks who have grown up with all the privileges that the 2nd wave women's movement brought to us, we have a lot of privileges this woman from a different generation did not, such as being able to wear cute tops, heels, and what not and still be taken seriously for our ideas and ingenuity.
11.04.09
The funny thing is I would never judge either woman if I were the third one in the locker room. But that's just me.
11.04.09
@Virginia...First, can I do a little dance that you commented? I got SO excited when I saw your name pop up!!
There are so many generational directions I could go with this, but back to my newspaper days, I get itchy around word count. What I love though, is that you went there! You pointed out so many great things (reminding me of a number of conversations I've had with my mom), that one does need to take into consideration.
Thanks for providing your insight, some great background info, and another perspective to everything!
11.04.09
@Kelsey, so true!
11.04.09
Fantastic post Emily! It's round and round we go when looking around a room and taking in how others "put themselves together." Since I wrote that post, I've been giving more and more thought to the whole process of getting dressed and dressing for success. That if our clothes define us on a superficial level, how much harder do we have to work to get the sale/attention/respect/whatever it is that we are trying to achieve. Maybe as the young ones in the workplace we put more thought into then the older ones who aren't trying as hard to move forward?
I for one am excited for the never-to-come day when personal style is not a basis for judgement. As KateNonymous pointed out, I too am a judge and jury and have some things to change.
11.04.09
"Maybe as the young ones in the workplace we put more thought into then the older ones who aren't trying as hard to move forward?"
That's a huge assumption, Jake. It's also possible that people at different life stages have different financial responsibilities, and clothes purchases become less of a priority. That doesn't tell me much about career goals.
11.05.09
@Jake, thanks for the comment, I am glad we're all tying these posts together. On my regular blog I got a comment that forced me to have a light bulb moment about this topic. As I said there:
"I grew up in a Navy household. The uniform is an exact representation of who you are professionally. From colors to stripes, stars to bars, flags to wings, a sailor can instantly tell a lot by a uniform. Not to say it's an excuse, but growing up in an environment like that could lead to a judging perspective. So not only do I care about how other women dress, but I care about supposed "uniforms" for certain jobs and roles."
I'm so glad that you point out how that if appearance makes a sacrifice in a certain world, then you do have to overcompensate for sales/attention/respect. In a uniform culture, the decision is made for you. Your accomplishments and skills are there for people to see. Outside a uniform world, you do have to prove your worth if you're not going to rely on your appearance to do it for you. It's a strong acknowledgement, and thank you for making it!
11.06.09
I guess you could say, you don't know why the lady dressed the way she did. She might just have bad taste. She might have been headed home to finish getting ready. Doesn't really matter.
The thing here is that you have an opportunity with your wardrobe to present yourself in a certain way. Can you dress like a slob and still be taken seriously? Probably. But you'll have to "overcome" your "look."
There is definitely wiggle room to dress well AND express yourself AND be comfortable.
11.06.09
@Suzanne, thank you for sharing your comment!
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