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It's really your call then - if you want to be intimately known, you'll have to pay for it. It's not free. The price for being fully known in a deep and intimate way is reckless abandon. You've got to throw caution to the wind, become vulnerable, and give up any notion you have of being guarded or protected.
In response to yesterday's post, which created lots of conversation on Twitter, a commenter agreed that collaboration is better than competition, but many organizations and individuals can be reluctant to join forces since it can expose our flaws.
That's true. Let someone into your world and you'll risk them knowing you more deeply. Build walls and keep people out and you won't have to worry about anyone seeing all of your shortcomings.
But, intimacy and community are never created at an arm's length.
It's really your call then - if you want to be intimately known, you'll have to pay for it. It's not free. The price for being fully known in a deep and intimate way is reckless abandon. You've got to throw caution to the wind, become vulnerable, and give up any notion you have of being guarded or protected.
I've lived with my wife for nearly six years now. She's seen me at my most desperate and at my happiest. I've seen her at hers. If I'm lucky, she'll see me at even weaker moments one day. She'll see me be a bad parent, a forgetful husband, and maybe even a total jackass.
But, that's a price I'll pay in order to be fully loved and fully known by someone.
All of us want intimacy. But, we've been burned before. One time, we trusted too easily, so this time, we're not heading down that road just yet. So, we trade sex for love. We substitute scads of digital connections for a handful of personal relationships. We work on our personal brand and network instead of our group of five people we can call on (and who can call on us).
In a few months, I'll hold my daughter for the first time. I will say goodbye to any pretense I have of being my daughter's hero because I'll be perfect or ideal. Instead, I will hope to simply be her dad by being recklessly abandoned to that very idea - that by being completely me, she'll love me in a way that a daughter loves her father and as a result we'll have a close bond that I'll treasure forever.
And one day, I hope she'll ask me about love. I hope that I can tell her that at times, it will be terrible. She will get her heart broken and she, I, her mother, and those who love her will grieve with her. But, one day, she will love someone and he or she will love her back and the two of them will be totally and recklessly abandoned to one another.
In other words, I'll tell her that loving people is totally worth it.
Our hearts may break, but they cannot be destroyed. Go - love and live with reckless abandon. You won't believe how awesome intimacy is.
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Comments
10.14.09
Great post and I really do agree... it's hard to feel the small, beautiful things in life until you put yourself out on a limb, away from the safety and calm of emotional or intellectual introversion.
10.14.09
Well written, Sam. And I do agree with you on this one.
One of my closests always said, "if you don't go out on a limb nothing bad can ever happen to you. Nothing good can happen either."
It's a risk and it comes at a price, but everything we do is a learning.
Best of luck on the new addition :)
10.14.09
You have identified one of the great truths about love. It is a risk but it is worth it. Wise words.
10.14.09
This is wonderful. Thank you.
10.15.09
Thanks for all of the kind words! Here's to hoping that all of you can go out on limbs, take risks, and seek deep intimacy!
10.15.09
I really like the vulnerability that exists in this post. It is really rare to see someone write about tough issues like this in this way. I also like the point that was made about having dozens of different digital relationships, and neglecting the real ones. This is extremely easy to do.
Also, I think this is interesting at work too. Sometimes we prefer to email someone who is feet away rather than actually walking into their office and confronting them...
10.16.09
Beth:
You're right on when it comes to face-to-face communication. Sitting across the table from someone can bring us a bit closer - and make sure that we're better understood.
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