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After years of being online and chatting, from ICQ and AIM to Facebook Chat and Skype, I’ve found that there is one thing that terrifies people more than anything else:
“Hi.”
Because of the relative anonymity passed through the typed word (or perhaps in spite of it), chatters seem to fall into one of two groups: those who instigate the conversation most of the time, and those who rarely (if ever) instigate a conversation. These groups are active and reactive communicators, respectively.
These two groups fall into an 80-20 distribution; 80% of chats are instigated by the 20% of chatters who are active communicators. It’s not often that a person will switch sides; active communicators will receive messages but will still send them out, while reactive communicators will at most send a few messages out if doing so grants them some utility. But these messaging traits also are strong indicators of how someone will do in the job search and their career.
Active communicators are used to instigating conversations, following up, and developing relationships. As a side effect of instigating conversations, they usually are the ones who steer discussions and develop stronger communication skills.
Reactive communicators, meanwhile, are too passive in sending messages out to others. By waiting for messages to come in, they develop a complacency and unjustified expectation that any communication they do send out will be rewarded with a response.
But the transition, if one makes the conscious decision to make it, is easy. A reactive communicator need only start sending messages to others a bit more frequently and start more conversations. Unsure who to talk to? How about the active communicators who send you messages?
Developing active communication techniques will make you more efficient when communicating with others, and more effective on the job search. So what are you waiting for? All it takes is a “Hi.”
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Comments
10.13.09
Firstly, the word "instigate" seems kind of harsh in this context. Like an active communicator was the kid at the grocery store poking his mom until she paid attention...annoying.
(Also, where is the 80-20 distribution statistic coming from?)
But then you go on to basically say active=good, reactive=bad. I think that it takes a little bit of both to be an effective communicator. Part of being a good communicator is being a good listener. A combination of both makes for the most communication success, I think.
10.13.09
Thanks for your comments Bridget! I admit that "instigate" might not have been the best word choice, but it was on my word of the day calendar.
The 80-20 distribution is something that I've tested over the past 6 months, using the normal messaging habits of myself and several others to get the information. It was a very informal study, done mostly because we're statistics dorks.
I agree with you that listening skills are important, but that isn't a characteristic missing from either group. It's more about who starts the conversation - members of either category can be good listeners.
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