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You know the slightly annoying, yet amusing, song people sometimes sing after “Happy Birthday” that asks “how old are you now?” It’s an easy question to answer, although some of us don’t like to admit the answer. Birthdays mark our years on Earth, and keeping track of them reminds us how old we are. But, this one number should not define us. I am 24 years old, but life experience has given me the wisdom of someone much older. I’ve always been mature for my age, while still keeping the child alive within me. I’m not saying screw birthdays, or rebel against the concept of age, just don’t judge someone or make assumptions or generalizations based on the number of birthdays they’ve had.
One of my co-workers came into our office yesterday to tell us about a recent break up with his girlfriend. Apparently he told one lie, “to protect her,” and she broke up with him. He stressed that the lie wasn’t a big deal, and that she shouldn’t have reacted so strongly. Then he went on with an age-based rant that went something like this, “The thing is, she’s only 24, and if she’d been through a bunch of bad relationships like I have, she would realize how trivial this is in the scheme of things.” This co-worker and my office mate are both in their 30s. As they continued discussing their shared wisdom, I sat here thinking that I’m 24 and, although I haven’t been through “a bunch of bad relationships,” I’ve dealt with some pretty tough stuff. True, his (now ex-) girlfriend is the same age as me, but the reasons she reacted strongly to his lie probably have very little to do with her age. Maybe she has had bad relationships in the past, I don’t know her so I can’t say. But, listening to my co-worker provide this line of reasoning reminded me how dangerous generalizations can be.
Maybe what bothers me is not my co-worker making these statements, he does know the girl in question very well, but that my office mate hopped on the ageism bandwagon so quickly. Every age group and generation has certain stigmas associated with it, that’s just a fact of life. But, that doesn’t mean it always has to be that way. Remember this: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
Have you overheard or experienced ageism or been judged unfairly because of your age? How did you react? Do you think this is something that will always happen or is there something we can do about it? Maybe it’s not a battle worth fighting?
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Comments
10.08.09
I wholeheartedly agree. As a nineteen year old in the midst of a full on marketing career dealing with age discrimination has quickly become second nature. Though it seems that as long as you have the necessary capabilities, lack the typical pitfalls of minute experience, and don't get offended when thought of as a "youngster" then not only will you succeed but you will exceed expectations.
10.08.09
Your co-worker sounds like an ex-boyfriend of mine, who would tell me that what I wanted from a relationship was unreasonable, and that I would understand that if only I'd had his life experience.
I was pretty sure he was wrong, and I wound up breaking up with him. Then I found a man who wanted the same things that I wanted, and we got married.
The ex-boyfriend wasn't wrong about wanting what he wanted, but he was wrong about my wants being unreasonable. They just didn't match his, which is a different issue. But I didn't need that kind of manipulation in my life. Who does?
10.08.09
This reminds me of the scene in the Original Star Trek episode "Conscience of the King', where Kirk confronts Anton Karidian about his identity:
"What were you twenty years ago?" Kirk demands.
Karidian's expression turns nostalgic, bitter, angry and sad.
"Younger, Captain. Much younger."
10.09.09
Adam: I'm glad you've been able to find such success, and your attitude on age discrimination is definitely evidence of your maturity.
Kate: I think you're right. Your ex wasn't wrong for wanting what he wanted, but he was wrong about your wants being unreasonable. In any kind of relationship, romantic or not, we need to respect each other's wants and needs, even if they're different than ours.
JRandom: Can't say that I know that scene, but it's definitely a great example of the message of this post.
Thanks everyone for your commments!
10.09.09
@Samantha I think that's very true. In the larger issue, some things you are much more likely to learn over time. Some things are based partly on age and partly on life-stage (which often, but not always, overlap). Some people learn things younger and better than others.
The trick is to know the difference, and to understand where the other person is coming from. That's true on both sides. And as you point out, it applies to all relationships and settings, not just romantic ones.
10.09.09
Samantha,
My point is that knowledge and wisdom comes at a price, sometimes a very heavy one. In gaining that wisdom, people will sometimes lose their innocence, their idealism, their hopes and dreams, their optimism, and many will lose time, friends, famlies, homes, and sometimes lives. There's no way really, to avoid the cost of wisdom. It's going to take its toll one way or another.
10.10.09
It get's sticky, I think. it is very, very tough to judge someone's life experiences. Chances are, the most life-defining moments that they've had aren't ones they're going to share, and that's true of any age.
I've been judged by my age, but I know I've also done some judging. Any kind of discrimination of this sort hurts everyone in the end.
Thanks for posting this.
01.12.11
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