Amen! I'm in Minnesota and have some of the same fears of marrying, having kids, and opt-ing out. Fortunately, I have some great family role-models who have managed to keep a career and have a family throughout their lives, so I know it is possible. The issue is the difference between having a carer and a family and moving up in one's career and having a family. I echo your call: Show me the successful and family-oriented women leaders!

@ Ryan C - Interesting to hear a guy's perspective, especially such a complex one. Good to hear that you want your daughter to be able to do anything she wants. Thanks so much for sharing.

@ Amanda - Thanks for letting me know your in the same boat. It's always good to hear and hopefully by talking about it more, the successful women will want to speak up more.

@ Kate - Yes, life is full of choices, but the point more is that society, particularly in the Midwest, wants - no, expects - certain behaviors and actions out of each gender. And while you're young and impressionable, this is tough.

Kate, I never said the Midwest didn't suit me - I love it, in fact. The weaknesses are often the strengths on the other side of the coin. Nor did I say I wasn't trying to be the role model I wanted to find. It's important to talk about issues, even if you're already taking action. In fact, that's a great first step.

@Scott, that's a valid point. I see a lot of problems cropping up from people out on a mission to rope someone down and marry them just for the sake of their idea of fulfillment. Some of these things just happen... anyone agree or disagree?

Rebecca,
I think you're trying to hard to find what YOU want in other people, and are trying to oblige someone into being your role model. It also sounds like you are blaming prior generations for not making your choices easier to make. I don't understand this attitude and I think that our prior generations have made huge strides that seem to have gone unrecognized by you.

As a very happy and fulfilled, child-free, married business owner, I have to constantly deal with quiet judgments from other women who have opted-out. So what? I don't give it a second thought.

Here's the thing: I always knew what I wanted in my marriage and career, but I never had a female role model either. It never crossed my mind to seek out a role model; perhaps that's a generational thing. I bristled when read, "I need women to be stronger role models". Seriously? Maybe they’re busy doing other things, such as LIVING THEIR OWN LIVES. You don’t need a mentor or a role model as long as YOUR choices make you happy.

@Rebecca, I don't see where Lauren says she hasn't encountered any roadblocks. But I think, based on her comment, that she might agree with me that the key to having the life you want is to go out and live it. Your post just sounds like a complaint about Midwestern societal expectations. There's nothing in there that tells me you like the region you're in (great if you do, but why don't you mention that as well?).

You're probably not going to change the Midwest, because you just don't have that kind of control over other people. But you can change what you're doing. That is under your control.

Don't get me wrong, I've hit PLENTY of roadblocks; most of them caused my own actions. I fix them and move on...I don't dwell.

The Cliff Notes version of my story: I wanted out of corporate America so I learned how to manage from my best and worst managers. I married a man who was 100% supportive of all my goals and dreams, as I am for him. A few weeks after (and because of) Sept. 11, 2001, I quit my comfy corporate job and started my own business, making a lot of mistakes along the way - but also doing a lot of great things, too. Now I have a great team of experts that work with me and I make a good living from doing what I love. It's been 8 years and my parent are still waiting for me to get a 'real' job, because that's all they know. When it comes to women in business (and resume writing), I have a 'No Wimps Allowed' attitude and that pushes me on every day. That's it. If you want me to fill in the details, you'll have to take me out for coffee. I like getting out of the office once in a while.

@ Erin - I agree that opting out isn't about missing opportunities or that it's either right or wrong; it's a purely personal decision just like the decision other moms make to go back to work.

I'm not searching for role models in the literal sense. I do know a large portion of the C-level women in Madison as a result of my last position.

But I do think there need to be more stories spread about these women that you're talking about. Part of the point of the post is that you're exactly right - these women do exist - and the research I used to illustrate my point shows it!

But their stories aren't being told. Go look at my original post on my blog and read through the comments of the many women who relate. I'm so glad that you know of some great women; let's talk about not how they exist (which we totally agree on), but spread the stories of their lives so their contributions can make a greater impact.

Kate - Exaggerate much? 1 link is not 16. If you can't find the link under the word "Wisconsin" or "Madison" in my post here it is. And the title of that post is "The Power of Place" - not sure how much clearer I could have made that.

As far as the rest of your questions, we're just going around in a circle. I've never had you agree with one of my posts and am frankly tired of your constant accusatory tone. There's a difference between disagreeing and being a bully. If you have so many other things to do, then stop commenting.

Oh, I see. There are 16 links to the same post. Why is that better?

I'd like to see you own up to what you post, and what it means--and based on other comments, I may not be alone in that. But if you're not going to, then you're not.

That's fine, but when I look at this post (and I tried more than one browser, to see if it was a browser problem) I see links for the following words and phrases:

Ryan
career-oriented
female role models
in Madison
negative stereotypes
apparently old guys rule
love my job
reports
shows
the world needs more female bosses
it's actually a myth
broken down by geographic location
women to be stronger
more outspoken
a woman in the workplace
in Wisconsin

So I'm seeing 16 links that I would have to read through to figure out that somewhere in there, you like Madison. If that's ridiculous, and I'm misunderstanding, then fine. But maybe we're talking past each other.

@Erin, looking back through the exchange there was room for that until the issue of the number of links came up. Yes, I'm the one who brought it up--but the links were already there, and then we got sidelined onto "how many links are there," which clearly wasn't anyone's point starting out.

That meant that we never got answers to some of my other questions about the successful women she does know, and how their stories might be told.

I do recognize my part in how this spiraled downward--but I don't think it's true that my comments were only negative. Challenging, sure.

@Katenon-I don't think your comments were purely negative either. I hope you don't think my comment was a veiled attempt to single you out. Also, I think there has got to be a place where women are telling their stories...is there a group right here on Brazen where women are doing that?

@Emily-thanks for the kudos...I hope more women in this community will read this post and will contribute to the post.

I don't have a blog. I think it's really brave that people put ideas, thoughts and emotions out there for the masses and openly invite criticism via a comments section. Especially when the criticism can be so immediate.

Great post, Rebecca! Agreed, we do need to be telling more stories about women in the workplace...women who are both doing well, and that are struggling. I think that's why I like Penelope's blog so much - she shares both triumphs and life struggles that impact our work lives (and as an Xer, I relate to her perspectives on many issues).

I guess I've been lucky, in that my career is in non-profit, where women are in the majority, and men are few. I've worked with amazing women leaders, and some that have been less than great - but the same goes for the men I've worked with. I focus less on the gender of the person and what I can learn from them. But also in the non-profit world, I think we're more accepting of LIFE outside of work, and perhaps share and talk more freely about our personal lives, especially when it may affect work.

@Rebecca - I'm glad you've had the opportunity to meet women who have success stories to share. While sometimes their stories aren't as publicized, I think it's most important that you have personally met women who have set incredible examples. Knowing the women you've met personally is much more powerful than reading a story or hearing a speech about someone you'll never actually meet, and it sounds like you're doing a great job!