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I was shy in my third grade class at the beginning of the year. I spoke very softly when called on. My teacher made a huge deal about how she could hardly hear me and wow, I must be super shy and could I please just speak up. I knew it was stupid to speak so softly, but I didn't change my behavior the whole year because my teacher really pissed me off with her obsessing. This piece on psychology and parenting discusses how this kind of entrenched opposition to something rational works:
Reactance refers to a reaction that is directly opposite to some rule or request. It occurs when someone feels he is being pressured and there is some added limit being placed on his freedom or choice. This kind of opposition is not unique to children; in fact, most of the research on it has been done with adults. Reactance explains why people are eager to reject what they think is forced on them and seek out something they cannot or should not have.
The writer notes that opposition to health care reform has been extra virulent because Obama framed the issue with urgency. It is easy to see how reactance plays out in adult relationships, too. Common sitcom fodder: not putting the seat down, which is a fairly simple concession for a man to make or a slight inconvenience for a woman to accept, becomes a battle for control in the relationship. My present concerns are with children, however.
Now that I am teaching I have to figure out how to channel the behavior of 50+ humans over the course of day when I have never been a fan of being controlled or controlling people. The previously mentioned article has some insight on encouraging the kind of behavior you want from a child single-minded in defiance.
The first step, when you've hit the kind of wall we're describing here, is to try to eliminate the cloud of desperation hovering around the behavior... Parents also practice nonchalance in talking about the behavior—a shoulder-shrugging, laissez-faire attitude of staged indifference. In addition, the therapists ask the parents to find opportunities to explicitly tell their child something like, "Don't worry about this now; you will be able to do this when you get older," a pressure-reducing antecedent that can actually speed up compliance.
Also, when the child does come around it is important to remain nonchalant in your approval because they will associate eagerness with the prior pressure and feel loss of face.
Positive reinforcement can backfire. I have a lot of students that will break their necks for my approval, but there are some that don't want to impress me. If I act pleased when a child like this falls in line or starts speaking English, they are less likely to continue the good behavior. They just want to be free to engage the situation when and how they feel like it... kinda like me and my third grade teacher.
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Comments
09.24.09
For me, it was never about reactance. I knew what I liked, and how I felt most comfortable doing things, and was never influenced by rewards or punishements. Just kept on doing my things my way. Drove all my teacher crazy. Didn't realize until my 40's that this was a major sign of my Asperger Syndrome.
11.23.10
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