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I have been seeing a lot of people that want to tell us how to run things in our lives lately. They are Twittering like crazy, blogging like crazy, and releasing e-books every month and I'm confused. We all need coaches for every life decision?
It used to be all about shrinks. On Sex and The City, they said "everyone has a shrink, even the shrinks have shrinks" and having a qualified psychologist meant that you could tell things to someone in a healthy setting instead of on the phone to your friends at 3AM. I don't have a shrink so I'm still calling people occasionally at 3AM. Sorry guys.
Now, it's a life coach, a career coach, self esteem coaches, and financial coaches. Some are qualified, some maybe not. Some seem legitimate, and some want me to sign up for their $99 Webinar and learn how to get rich by staying home. Turns out, a lot of people are getting into the coaching business. Is life becoming so difficult that we need a team of handlers a la Britney Spears to get through our every turn? I'm not saying it's a bad idea just that it seems like we should be able to make some of these things happen ourselves.
Also, a lot of these coaches are using the internet to friend and follow us and give us our bite sized Twitter anecdote every day which still doesn't make them qualified to tell me how to run my career. It's funny because I have a huge online network but still call my best friend from high school when I have a problem I can't figure out.
Here's the interesting thing: I call her when I have a boy problem, a career problem, a medical problem, a family problem, or any other kind of problem because she knows me. I would have a hard time with any of these coaches because their solutions seem like a one sized fits all "life solution".
That's not to say I would never try a life coach of some kind. I think there are probably some very good career coaches out there just that the sheer numbers of them right now is a little ridiculous.
Have any of you tried a life / career / self esteem coach with any success?
My dream coaches:
writing: Bob Dylan or Diablo Cody (Juno)
working out: Jackie from SkyLab (remember that Bravo show?)
life: a lot of my favorite bloggers are unknowingly my life coaches. See blog roll.
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Comments
09.21.09
As someone semi-interested in the life-coaching business, I can relate my personal interest in it to your question.
To me in a nutshell, it's about helping people solve their problems.
Both my best friend and girlfriend turn to me when they need advice or need a valued opinion, and I just enjoy talking over their issues with them so much. They might not always take my advice, but it's still fun to talk it over with them and look for possible solutions.
There's also the entrepreneurial side to it, since I hope to one day be so good at helping people that I could support my lifestyle with it.
But maybe that's just me. :-)
09.22.09
I'm the kind of person who balks at people trying to tell me how to live my life. I'm not necessarily rebellious, but I've always been independent and I put a lot of value in figuring things out for myself (even if it takes longer).
I really don't believe that anyone -- whether they've known me for my entire life or we've just met -- knows me better than I know myself, nor can they offer more competent suggestions after superficially evaluating my life than I can come up with on my own.
So, naturally, I'm a bit skeptical of the whole life coach thing. Maybe they're great for some people, but I'm not sure I'll ever see the value in the them.
09.22.09
Andrew - Sounds like you have a knack for helping people! I think what I'm interested in knowing is:
What kind of qualification process is there for Life Coaches, if any?
How do we tell if the person just woke up one day and said "I think I'll coach people on their lives today"?
Cassandra - I tend to agree with you. In high school I was kind of an "if you tell me to do something I'll do the opposite" kind of girl.
I am now the grown up version of that :)
09.22.09
Hi Caitlin! Great to see you here.
Ryan pointed me to your post and I have to say I couldn't agree more with what you've written. I'm a psychologist by training, with a Ph.D. in clinical. After doing psychotherapy for 20 years I became an organizational psychologist and executive coach 20 years ago (hey, I'm an old guy, what can I say?) I find the proliferation of people calling themselves "coaches" nowadays disconcerting. Not because people can't be helpful guides without formal training—they can—but because there are no standards AT ALL by which to separate helpful, well-intentioned people from flat our charlatans. Like Cassandra says, most of the advice that's given by "life coaches" is the outgrowth of very superficial contact. Not only can that advice miss the mark, some of it can be outright dangerous.
I know I sound like an old fuddy-duddy (did I actually just use that phrase??) but I'd be very wary of coaches who lack ANY credentials. Caveat emptor applies in spades to anyone seeking important advice from someone calling her/himself a coach.
09.22.09
This is a really salient post for me.
I know lots of "life coaches" and have often questioned their motives. Many of them are MLM people - not that that is necessarily a bad thing. Some of them though, sell on the work of others and focus primarily on telling people that they can make them rich.
I recently set up a group on Facebook - which basically outlines my involvement in such circles. I tell people explicitly that I don't have any real qualification as to why I should be a Life Coach.
http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=149019150619&topic=10721
I train people in creativity and problem solving skills, and I personally believe that if you have a few problems that you can't quite get over - learning such skills can really help you look at things differently.
I don't tell people what they should do - though, I do occasionally tell people what I have done in similar circumstances (if I've experienced them). I help them look at things in ways they haven't before - and help them develop new skills to continue doing it.
In all honesty, I don't like a lot of the things going on out there - and only know a few people that are any good (and they often focus more on professional / business coaching of some-kind). This is just me pottering about on Facebook, giving an alternative outlook - i.e. life is not about money, so cheer up!
09.22.09
Tom -
I'm really glad to see a life coach weighing in on this topic and even better that you have great credentials. I imagine it's frustrating to see all of the phony life coaches when you are one of the ones with an actual background. It's much the same in the social media field with all of the "experts" around.
You've also confirmed my fear that there are NO standards when it comes to life coaching, what should people look for?
Darren - I'm totally with you on your point that a lot of them are focusing heavily on life coaching/ money making. I feel like a lot of SEO experts are about a month away from being life coaches!
09.22.09
Tom, you're a rarity in a sea of "experts". I think it's very important for people like me to come out with it, and not pretend like we're something special - when clearly we're not. I find that quite often I point people in a direction toward professional qualified help - or the network of services out there that people are just unaware of.
Caitlin, I think your comment about SEO people is hilarious - 'twas a literal LOL this time for once. Mostly because having a web development background, I have seen loads of them. The internet is crawling with them - all more "expert" than the next. Life Coaches, Wealth Engineers, Fulfilment Technicians, SEO Experts or whatever often make guarantees and aim apply one size fits all to everything.
09.22.09
Being a coach myself, I think the hardest thing is trying to explain to people what you do. Because the term "Life Coach" is out there, sometimes I do say I am one just so I have a foundation to explain more in depth what I do. Personally I don't like the term either...
As for the marketing aspect, some people may be trying to sell you a program. For me, it hasn't worked so I've just done it through good 'ol connections. I think after a while you build a reputation for yourself and hopefully you get noticed that way. I do have the credentials, which I think will matter in the future, but for now I think it's all about trust. Do my potential clients trust that I will do what I say I will do?
To me coaching is about a relationship. It's not being the "life expert" but someone who can guide and empower you to make the best decision possible for you!
09.22.09
I think life coaches can sometimes offer you a bit of a guiding light if you've been in a rut/completely lost. It happens to the best of us, where you wake up one day and you have no idea how the eff you got there.
As for the overabundance of life coaches, I couldn't agree more. Every other person is a life coach these days. And frankly, it's just not that necessary. I do totally credit people who really do this type of work, as a profession, with credentials (like our friend, Tom). but I think there is a buyer beware aspect to this as well. Just as we wouldn't give up our credit card numbers to people who offer us the best deals on long distance, we shouldn't put our entire lives in the hands of someone who wouldn't know what to do with it.
09.22.09
Hey Caitlin,
I think you are highlighting an important issue: the fact that anyone can one day wake up and call themselves a Life Coach.
I left my job in Investment Banking a couple of months ago to work full time as a Life Coach. I work mainly with men in their 20's and 30's who are having difficulties in their dating/romantic relationship and/or hate their current job. I also have a credential in Coaching through the Coaches Training Institute (www.thecoaches.com)
The men I work with come to me with a problem and are hungry for change after trying many different things to alleviate the pain. I help them explore/learn about the problem, find their own answers to it, and then take inspired action backed up by my support and accountability.
For me, the key is what Cassandra alluded to above ("I really don't believe that anyone knows me better than I know myself.") In my eyes, a good (aka. trained and experienced) Coach spends very little time 'telling' someone what to do - how would they even know?
Instead, Coaching for me is about supporting my clients through an important change they would like to make in their life. I have seen it create some amazing results in my life (with my own Coach) and in the lives of my clients. The hard part, however, if finding the right one.
Thanks for writing this.
09.23.09
@Andrew - I am glad to hear that. I've gone through different phases of my life where the only thing that made sense was to have someone to bounce things off of that was disconnected from me on a personal level. A good coach doesn't talk, just guides through leading questions. I believe we all have the answers inside of us, it just takes a little prodding to bring it out.
09.26.09
@Jake - Amen, brother! A good listener, outside of my world, who asks powerful questions can make a huge difference in my life - actually he does because he's my Coach! :)
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