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We've all heard the saying, "Be careful what you wish for."
Now we should add a new saying: "Be careful what you look for."
'Cause, more than likely, you're gonna find it (or at least think you have).
Looking for evidence that your spouse isn't doing their share? You'll find it.
Looking for proof that your kids are spoiled brats? You'll find it.
Looking for documentation that your boss is a jerk? You'll find that too.
You can find "evidence" to support just about anything if you believe it and ask yourself questions that support that belief. Or, you can choose to ask yourself questions about whether that belief is accurate in the first place.
Next time you face a challenge, instead of drumming up reasons why those around you are subpar, ask yourself these five problem-solving questions suggested by Tony Robbins:
- What is great about this problem?
- What is not perfect yet?
- What am I willing to do to make it the way I want it?
- What am I no longer willing to do?
- How can I enjoy the process?
I've been using this approach for two days, but it's already made a huge impact on the way I think, and thus the way I feel. I'm learning there's tremendous power in the questions we ask ourselves. The best achievers train themselves to ask the most empowering and insightful questions and leave the rest out of their mind.
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Comments
09.15.09
In science, this is called "confirmation bias". You tend to pick the evidence that confirms your point of view, and ignore the rest. So scientists go to great lengths to create experiments to combat this tendency.
In our personal lives, we just need to learn to be aware of our biases. I'm not perfect, but I've learned (the hard way) that I'm not always right. So here is what I do to keep myself from falling into the 'confirmation bias' trap.
1. In an argument, avoid words like "never" and "always". Instead use the words "frequently" or "often". Don't ignore the times that things actually went right - you need to focus on those situations to make them happen more often.
2. Accept the possibility that accidents happen, and it's not all about you. When someone does something that annoys you, chances are that they didn't do it on purpose.
3. Always ask the question "What if I'm wrong?" Not only does this force you to look at other sides of an issue, it prepares you for the event when you ARE actually wrong. And then you can react more quickly.
And since I'm not perfect, I don't always follow my rules either, but I try!
09.15.09
I love this!
I will definitely use this thinking to curb my sometimes (I admit) argumentative reactions! This was another great reminder of the importance of taking in all opinions, backgrounds, and viewpoints before jumping to conclusions.
09.15.09
This is great! I'm going to try this the next time I have a bad day. It might keep me from snapping at my husband. (At least I hope so.) :) Thanks!
09.15.09
I like Scott's comment and would add if you are surrounded by "subpar" people then ask why are you there or maybe it's time for some introspection.
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