If you’re you’re unemployed, you know exactly what I’m talking about — sometimes, right after you’ve lost your job, people say things that are supposed to make you feel better, but just end up making you feel worse.

If, for some reason, you do have a job and you’re reading our blog anyway, pay attention.

The time directly following a layoff is a delicate one. Your friend will want your help, but they may not be so receptive to your wise suggestions or burning questions.

The fact of the matter is, being laid off sucks. Your comments come from a good place (of course!), but you might be surprised at how they are construed by someone whose wounds are still fresh from getting shown the door.

“You’re not unemployed, you’re funemployed!”
So cute and yet so out of touch with reality. Sure, unemployment might be fun when you’re 22 and have no real responsibilities. It’s quite a different story when you’re 54, have two kids in college, a mortgage and a chronic health problem. For so many people, being unemployed is not an opportunity to do some volunteer work or self-discovery — it’s a very real and very frightening financial, emotional and professional setback. Cute, trendy sayings aren’t going to change that.

“I can get you a new job!” [and the job is totally inappropriate]
While the sentiment is appreciated, you’re presuming that the person you’re talking to is totally desperate for a job. A former Director of Marketing probably isn’t interested in waiting tables, and a pastry chef probably wouldn’t want to apply for a job in the Human Resources department. While it’s definitely good to keep an eye out for your friends, don’t assume they’ll do just anything for a living. If you want to help, make sure you’re aware of what your friend wants before you start reaching out to contacts.

“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade”
What about when life gives you credit card debt, foreclosure and a few steps back in your career? What should you make then? Lemonade and vodka maybe. It’s nice of you to try and offer your friend a dose of optimism, but realize that cliché catchphrases may be interpreted as insensitive. It’s a lot easier to see the silver lining when you’re still gainfully employed, right? When you’ve just lost your job, sometimes all you want is a shoulder to cry on. Some situations just aren’t good, and there’s no way to spin it.

“Do you know what you did to deserve it?”
Wow, talk about an insensitive comment. Think about it: what if he really did do something? Do you think he really wants to talk about it? It’s not like when someone breaks up with your friend you launch into a huge guilt trip about what he might have done or should have done to prevent it. At the same time, many layoffs come out of the blue to people who were great employees and a valuable resource to the company, so there might not even be an answer in the first place. Unless you’re their direct supervisor, this just isn’t any of your business.

“Everything happens for a reason”
What if the reason is that their boss is a nut job? Or that they are one of the older employees and therefore too expensive to keep on board? Or what if the reason is that they just weren’t great at their job? To the person being laid off, no reason seems like a very good one — and right after a layoff, it’s not easy to adopt a more long term, philosophical approach. Once the layoff has had time to sink in and the layoffee starts taking steps to get back on their feet, they might be able to see the bigger picture. Until then, be sensitive to their grief and understand that the situation is not ideal. End of story.