Hey Lance - thanks for stopping by. I agree that online dating can be good for professionals who have a full life but aren't out there "on the scene." For the first 48 hours, it felt really nice to have so many prospects (until it quickly became overwhelming).

You also make a good point about my profile - one friend gave me feedback that I was coming across as too laid-back, which positions me more as a friend than a serious dating candidate to be "courted." The whole science of it still weirds me out. It's just me! I'm going to go check out Evan's blog - thanks for the recommendation!

From a married guy (10 years and going strong!):

Don't do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.

Don't do anything that your single girlfriends tell you to do. They're single for a reason.

Do meet new people, and hang out with exiting acquaintances. Go to parties, social events, etc. Again, nothing that makes you feel uncomfortable.

You will attract people only inasmuch as you are attractive. I don't mean only physically, because in reality, that only counts for very little. I don't say it doesn't count at all, so do dress well and exercise, but really it's about you being yourself 110% and continually changing/pushing yourself to be a better person.

See http://stackoverflow.com/questions/79884/best-place-to-meet-female-progr... for some dating advice I gave for geek types to meet women, but I think you and others might find it interesting.

Also, see http://christophermahan.com/writ/sharinspoem.html , a little poem I wrote for a lady friend in your situation. She happens to like poetry, and that might not be your thing, but she liked it a lot.

In any case, don't worry about what future husband will see/read/uncover about you on the web. It won't matter at all.

Again: don't do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.

As a guy who has been in one of two relationships for more than 6 years running, I will say this: listen to Christopher.

As a creative and expressive person, there WILL be a guy you will connect with, without having to sacrifice any of your ideals. It may take a little time and some luck, but there are guys out there who still believe in fleeting glances from across the room. This is from the guy who's current relationship (coming up on 3 years) started with a piano being played across a crowded dorm lounge.

Just like Akshay said, you do have to play a few hands- you have to make yourself available and keep an open mind. And you will undoubtedly go on some crappy dates (although from the car comment, it sounds like that ship has already sailed), but they'll all be worth it once you find that couch-cuddler who loves how open and honest you are.

One final piece of advice: never settle. If you compromise what you're looking for, it will only lead to disapointment and resentment, which is unfair to you and the guy you settle for. You deserve to have the guy you want as much as that guy is out there looking for you.

Good luck out there.

Amen sisters!
and yes, I totally agree with Christopher on this one. I think it's perfectly fine to have standards as well and I too believe in the if-it's-meant-to-be approach like Dianna. Sometimes forcing the hand of fate doesn't help. But there's nothing wrong with helping yourself along!

I got out of a long-term relationship in April and I gave myself a few months before even thinking about dating. I've only been on one first date so far and, while it was OK, I suppose neither of us were interested enough to pursue it.

The online dating scene is messed up. I use Plenty of Freaks (not the real name, but if you use the site you know what I'm talking about) sometimes, but mostly I get boring messages from guys who a) are unemployed, b) have children or c) are looking for a one-night stand. It was exciting for about a week, max.

I think you should definitely stay picky. Meet people, see what's out there, but never settle if you don't feel absolutely taken. We're young and there are plenty of fish (and freaks, unfortunately) in the sea.

Going back to the question in the headline, I always recommend going for QUANTITY, and looking for the diamonds in the rough, so to speak. Obviously, its *safer* for me to do that as a guy, but I think women can date around a lot, still be safe, and gain a lot of insight and perspective from having experienced a lot of different guys and their love styles. Also, I don't see a compelling reasons to be alone when you don't have to!

I'm late to the discussion - but then again I only am here because I just read your fantastic post-triathlon life lessons entry. So, if I may, I'll add my two cents to this particular comment thread.

In my opinion what you're doing by pursuing your passions, challenging yourself and focusing on your life checklist is really the best approach to finding someone you can go on more than a few dates with and hopefully a FH. At least that's my strategy in seeking a FW: focus on meaningful personal and professional goals and lead a fulfilling life. Sooner or later you'll meet someone during your endeavors that you think is fantastic, who in turn thinks you're equally amazing.

Online dating hasn't worked for me either...I think it's because I don't want "get in a relationships" to be an item on my to-do list. In terms finding a date, I've had better luck with a professional match-making service in that the quality of dates has been better. The downside is that it's considerably more expensive than the online DIY sites. The shortcoming is still the same for me though. It still feels like I'm working on a "to do" item. Any tips on how to get around that would be appreciated, by the way. In the meantime, I think focusing on living a full life and following your intuition is the best approach. The challenge as I see it then becomes being able to maintain a great deal of self-awareness so as to avoid becoming too set in your ways.

I agree with Lance- when it comes to quantity I'm not saying go on a date with everyone that asks, but sometimes bad dates become more than that- they teach you lessons and become a very enriching expierience that you'll be telling at cocktail parties for years to come.