Already a member?
Welcome to Brazen Careerist!
Emily Ma is using Brazen Careerist to share ideas. Join now to become a member and start networking with Emily Ma and other professionals just like you. Learn more.
Brazen careerist
Where ambitious young professionals connect and grow
Email
Print
Confidence. It’s a funny thing. It is not black or white, something I have or I don’t. I want to proclaim I am confident as a rock! Sturdy to the core! Regardless of my circumstances! But in reality, my confidence is more fluid; a state of mind that fluctuates based on the circumstances of my life, situations I am in, and the people I am surrounded by. And for reasons unclear to me, my confidence tank sprung a leak this year. A big one.
I distinctly remember, in ninth grade, making the conscious decision to be more confident. “Love yourself – you’re all you’ve got” was my mantra. It felt great. As cliche and Seventeen-magazine as it sounds, I realized I had a choice: I could either love and accept myself…or not. And given such a choice, why on earth would I choose the latter? I was born with a certain set of physical and mental traits – and I knew at the time that if I didn’t put my foot down and decide to love those qualities, particularly the ones that would never change, I was setting myself up for a life of misery. Plus, who was I to shrug off all the blessings I’d been given by moping about what I was missing? Despite the melodrama of high school, confidence seemed to come easier back then.
Fast-forward to today. I’ve got a lot going for me, and objectively – on paper – I know that. But as I hit my quarter-life crisis this year (man, I thought somehow I’d be an exception to that rule), my confidence seemed to sneak out of the house while I wasn’t looking. Love yourself – you’re all you’ve got? Pffft! Love yourself IF you are successful, productive, in-shape, and in a relationship. Somehow those became the new conditions. Confidence became something I rationed to myself – little baits and switches if I did something WORTHY of it. Lose ten pounds – feel great! Gain ten pounds? Banished from love; punishable by self-loathing. This wasn’t just about looks – it was about my overall state of self-worth, which had somehow become contingent on external measures.
So here I am now, re-committing to loving myself unconditionally again. Confidence hangs out on a sliding scale with its cohorts self-esteem, self-worth and self-efficacy (hover over the links for definitions), and this year while my self-efficacy remained high, my overall confidence hit a major low. Am I confident in my ability to be resourceful and achieve my goals? No question. But am I confident that I deserve love – unconditional, unqualified love, from myself and others? I’ve been typing and erasing different answers for the last ten minutes. The ONLY answer should be YES. Because I know that I am worth it. See? Progress already.
For more timely, relevant, and engaging articles,
subscribe to Brazen Careerist.
- A New Kind of Business Mover and Shaker
- Why You Might Be Better Off Without a Job After College
- Continuing Education: Extending Learning Beyond Your Campus Years
- How To Find a Writing Partner Who Can Help You Achieve Your Goals and Make More Money
- The Anti-Stalker’s Guide for Converting Online Contact into Real World Collaboration
Comments
08.19.09
Jenny,
Lot's of self-awareness in this post, which is one of the best by-products of going through a quarter life crisis. As tough as it seems in the moment, it makes you reevaluate everything in your life.
We can't avoid the societal expectations that surround us and get replayed in the media over and over again. Stepping out is not easy because you're choosing not to belong.
There's a burgeoning community of quarter-lifers though that helps ease the process and your post is a great addition to that.
08.19.09
I understand where you are and where you are going. I have felt this many times throughout my life. In general, I love confidence and I feel good being me. Self-love is so important. It saddens me when somehow, I don't feel self love (for whatever reason).
On another note, I have this frustration when a friend I haven't seen in a while or a relative asks me (right away), "So are you dating anyone? Do you have a boyfriend?" Is that really what equates my success or happiness? My answer is clearly no, and I don't think that I should feel bad because of it. I mean, I don't. However, I can't help but feel the pressure from our society. Maybe you feel the same...
Either way, it's good to be honest and maybe share with others. I'm sure you will be feeling in the comments others feel similar. Thanks for sharing Jenny :)
08.19.09
@Akshay - Thanks so much for your comment - self-awareness can be a blessing and a curse sometimes! It's so true that media and pressures exist all around us - perhaps the key is recognizing what pressure we are putting on ourselves (unnecessarily) and not expecting the external pressure to disappear. Perhaps getting older and wiser is about learning how to deal with it more effectively :D
@Grace - YES! For, oh, a year and six months now I've been getting that question. My favorite version is "Don't you meet anyone at Google?" IF I DID I'D BE DATING THEM!!! We definitely shouldn't feel bad about being single. In some ways, I feel like I am dating my blog - LOL. Friday nights with a cup of coffee and my laptop...can't say I don't enjoy them tremendously. :) I am just thankful for the extra time to reflect, have fun and meet new people. Cheers to the single life!
Got Something To Say?
Got Something To Say?
Not a Member? Brazen Careerist is a career management tool for next-generation professionals. Set up a free account today to comment on this post and start sharing your ideas. Learn more.
Login to view your networks!
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
