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On Bragging Versus Confidence
I am not the kind of person who brags. I rarely talk about myself unless asked because I absolutely hate coming across as the kind of person who must be the center of attention. You know who I'm talking about, the fast talkers, the loud talkers, or the incessant talkers who miraculously never get to the point of anything. I find there is a fine line between bragging and confidence.
Don't get me wrong, I know people who are great talkers, entertaining and informative talkers, always adding something to the conversation. They will most likely be getting you think about what they are saying, and will be interested to hear what you have to say back. This is the most pleasant kind of person to talk to. I met someone like this today.
So, how do you become the latter? I find that as I aim to expand my small business, it is critical for me to tell people what I'm about, but this is the part of my work I dread most. I feel like I can be a mouthpiece for other people rather easily. But when it comes to talking about myself and my abilities I really cannot stand the experience, and I have to pretend as if I'm an actress on a stage with mock confidence. I do not possess it naturally.
As the words leave my mouth all I can think is, "This person is probably bored to death by me, why in the world would they want to hear about my life/business/marriage/dog?" Makes sense I'm a blogger, because of the blissful anonymity of it all. I don't know who reads what or when. I can't get my feelings hurt because someone clicks on my page and clicks away in disgust once they learn x, y, or z about me.
But back to the issue at hand. I already know that I lack self-confidence, so I suppose there is little danger in me going overboard in face to face conversations. Perhaps that is just what I need, to go overboard with what I would consider "bragging" and that might be just enough "confidence?"
A parallel I've seen work successfully is in my work as a voice teacher. From time to time, I'll get a timid singer. They will sing quietly and without much expression. They are afraid of looking or sounding stupid. I will encourage them to sing in a way they might think is too loud, too obnoxious, too showy. Often, they end up with just the right amount of sound and energetic presentation because they are predisposed to holding everything in.
I wonder if this is the same with me? What about my readers? Do you have any advice or insights? Do talkers bug you, and do you see a difference between confidence and/or bragging?
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Comments
08.18.09
First of all great profile picture, 2nd good idea.
By trying to be overboard (just once) & you might find a new level of comfort level that strikes the balance between bragging & confidence
... Another I found to show confidence is when I am able to rely on examples/stories from my experience & knowledge to explain how something works or a solution ... confidence with be shown without much bragging. (or at least non-intentional bragging)
Good Luck
08.18.09
Milena,
Great topic you have started! I am also not a fan of people who are one-way communicators, basically actors on their own stage, always talking about them-this or them-that.Although, they appear very confident,the truth is they won't get much traction neither in professional nor in personal/social arena.Likable people are people who one can converse with, have a deeper dialog.From my observation and practice, I find that asking questions is very effective.Perhaps, you should first ask yourself, what is the purpose of this communication? If you want to start talking to a potential customer, start asking them questions; i.e. what they do? their business, their goals/vision, their personal passions etc. The more you know about your chat-partner(active listening), the more customized is your pitch. Moreover, when someone feels you are interested in them, you are more likable.People like when other people are interested in them. Once you get an idea of the profile of your chat-partner, the right words will come to you naturally.And not only will they hit the target, you will appear (and in fact you are)more qualified and sounding like you know what you are talking about.This is a universal rule IMHO for both social/professional networking.Also agree illustration,examples,stories are a better way to communicate your qualifications.
08.18.09
Two thoughts and a conclusion come to mind reading the title:
"Bragging isn't bragging if you can back it up."
"Is she REALLY that good, or is she just a legend in his own mind?"
And the conclusion is:
"Show me what you've got, and I'll decide if you're for real!"
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