Why Every Guy Needs A Girl...Friend

Seems awfully mercenary

Ah, such a good post Elisa!

I have a "rule" that is sort of loose, but it originated with When Harry Met Sally where Harry says, "Guys and girls can't be friends." Now, I have to add a disclaimer saying that I have MANY guy friends and I'm usually the Girl...friend. However, there are three caveats.

1) Guys and Girls being friends, usually best friends, can end up dating (best friends make a perfect match) it happened to me and my best guy friend, we dated for three years. We're not close friends again, but that took time after we broke up.

2) Inevitably, SOMEONE ends up liking the other. It doesn't have to be reciprocated, but I really feel it's human nature to get close with someone, and then feelings slip in. Doesn't mean friendships can ensue and you get over it, but at some point, the male or female likes the other. QUITE often people don't even realize this...or may never admit it.

3) You end up hooking up, occasionally kissing, etc. Nothing comes of it, but sometimes that slips and you still can remain friends.

There are a few times when my close guy friends are dating or have dated a very close girlfriend of minen, so the line never slips. The other aspect is when neither of you are attracted to each other, so nothing grows besides a friendship. There's a lot here, but even as a girl with more guy friends than most, I have to admit I see this so often from both sides. Interesting :)

Grace - When Harry Met Sally became a quick point of discussion in talking to folks. Like you, I am generally the Girl...Friend, so I see that side (if I had a nickel for everytime I got the "Elisa, you're such a great friend" line I'd be able to quit this day gig and sip fruity umbrella drinks on an island somewhere!)

I especially like your second point. It's true, when you get close to a person you can become attracted to them. Let's face it, most of us double take on looks but fall for a person's personality. The closeness of friendship depends on one's ability to move beyond the feelings into a place where it isn't a factor in the friendship. I will say that I believe very few friendships can make this leap.

Rebecca - I don't think it's possible with everyone. In fact even I have some guy friends that I am not as close to cause I am very cautious around them knowing they harbor some "feelings/urges" towards me. But I do think it CAN be possible, just very difficult and very rare.

As someone brought up to me, how do siblings of the opposite sex maintain close relationships but not cross the line (icky, I know, but an example nonetheless)

I agree with a lot of people on here in thinking that it's hard to get TOO close to a person of the opposite sex for a long enough time and maintain a platonic friendship. Keeping an arms length can be effective, but intimacy and "best friends" are never far apart in my eyes... or there's just a lot of un-reciprocated hurt feelings.

Whenever gender relations are brought up, it's always a thin line to tread between observations and generalizations.

While I agree that it helps to have a friend that one can talk to about anything, I disagree that it has to be someone of the opposite sex. When men are comfortable with their sexuality (and believe it or not, many are), a lot of those time-honored stereotypes of masculinity come crashing down. If you have a true friend that you feel comfortable around, it doesn't matter what sex or gender they are.

I'll admit that for me, my best friend happens to be a girl. She also happens to be my GirlFriend of nearly three years. There is no one that I've ever felt closer to, and we discuss just about everything.

However, I have a small cadre of male friends, there are 4-5 if I'm really vulnerable- that I feel absolutely comfortable bearing my soul to. I've seen some of these guys at their lowest points: crying, sputtering messes. Do I question their masculinity and pat them on the arm? No- I'm a human being that has a fundamental respect for other people's dignity.

I would add that many girls need a Guy...Friend. With the cut-throat and volatile nature of some(not all, again I'm not a big fan of generalizations) inter-female relationships [watch Mean Girls if you fail to follow], it helps to have some of the less passive aggressive, more direct perspective that is often associated with males.

Sorry if this comes off as critical, I really did enjoy the post. I just suppose that as a guy who has always resented the image of the stereo-typical male(sex-craved, fart-joke telling, testosterone-fueled meat-head) I feel the need to speak out on behalf of the rest of us.

And that's why I married mine. :)

I can't read the post either! :( BUT from the conversation, I will say that, like Rebecca, I used to think guys and girls could be friends, but I'm more cautious now that I'm with the guy I want to marry, so I feel it's my responsibility to be more wary of boundaries, giving the wrong impressions, and making my boyfriend uncomfortable. Also, I don't feel I need any more male influence, as my boyfriend's friends and colleagues are adequate... I don't necessarily need close male friends! I think too, that as a recent college grad, it's far more acceptable for guys and girls to be friends in a college environment, as you tend to have more friends in general and hang out in large groups more often. Everything changes in the "real world" though, and the rules are totally different, so you need to make adjustments. These adjustments usually occur naturally anyway, just due to the nature of professional relationships and the development of adult personal ones.

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