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I am so guilty of it. I convince myself that certain things matter when they don’t. I put intense pressure on myself for minute tasks.
I write this blog for free. I have no editors to answer to and no one relying on me to produce. But the day I got my first subscriber – and each day that has proceeded that – I’ve felt that I have you relying on me. You took the step to subscribe or revisit and I feel that it’s my duty to create value for you.
That’s where the trouble begins
I’ve now created unnecessary pressure on myself. I’ve now created a scenario where I feel that I owe you something. I’ve replaced writing for pleasure with writing under duress.
But there I go taking myself too seriously, thinking that of the 10’s, 100’s, 1000’s of blogs you read that you are waiting there, with bated breathe, for my next musing. I know, get real.
I love my readers but for god’s sakes, I write for me and I need to remember that. No one cares as much as I do.
But I wonder, why do we elevate our own importance? What does it do for our Self?
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Comments
08.03.09
Thanks for sharing your raw feelings with us. =) I think all of us want to feel important and important to people. It is a psychological need. However, when you allow your self-worth to become wrapped up in this need, that is where trouble begins.
08.03.09
Huh. I do this same exact thing too. Why do we do it? I don't know. I mean, in one way it feels wonderful to have the feedback and to feel like our efforts are meaningful (and how better to fulfill that then by receiving comments that say exactly this). But yes, the number one recipient of the benefits of writing are our own selves.
Maybe a blog skirts the fine line between a conversation and an inner dialogue. When we talk to ourselves and know no one's listening, we can do a different type of introspection. But when we open up our thoughts in a public forum, it then becomes a conversation that allows us to broaden and continue even our inner dialogue. So I guess there's good points and bad points.
What's the biggest pressure you feel in this regard? For me, it's a sense of timeliness to present a post. But good (subscribed - lol) readers and good content will be appreciated even if not regularly. At least that's what I think, but I'm not a statistics maven... ;)
08.11.09
@Marcos
Great point - when your self-worth is reflected in the approval of others, that is where the real trouble begins. I hope I am not fooling myself but stating that I don't think I am in trouble;)
08.11.09
@spleeness
You got it. It's being timely with my posts. It's balancing the part of me who says "you don't feel like writing" or "you have nothing to say" with the part that says "it's good for you, you love it, you need to express" and "keep it up". It's a responsibility that sometimes (and only sometimes) I wish I had not created for myself. C'est la vie.
08.11.09
Call me crazy, but I really like blogs where I can tell that the writer is writing primarily for him or herself. Those blogs seem the most honest; concerned more with the quality of ideas rather than the quantity of readers. A part of me is always a little bit sad when I can tell that a blogger is trying especially hard to promote his or her blog.
I began writing my own blog to provide a way to grapple with big ideas and work through lessons I've learned. Though I'm speaking in a way that addresses other people and sometimes offers advice, it is always based on my own need to work something out, or get down a thought-- and I'm always kind of amazed (in a way) when I get new subscribers or when a post is picked up by Brazen-- so I totally know where you're coming from.
I'm glad that you're being true to yourself in this post and in your blog. Best of luck in keeping it up! I look forward to reading future posts.
08.11.09
I have often struggled with following my analytics rather than my own true voice. Instead of writing from my own voice, I try to write what will bring in the most traffic. Doesn't work:)
08.12.09
@Colleen
Thanks so much, one for the support and two for sharing your thoughts on writing for pleasure vs. for others. I agree with you that blogs connect much deeper when they are written authentically, in that the writing is for the author, not the readers. I like how you use your blog to work through things -- I think that is what I love best about blogging - thinking aloud.
08.13.09
@Jonathan -- So true, doesn't work. I think we are both better bloggers for understanding the truth.
01.22.10
Why do we do that? I think that's because there are two kinds of bloggers, and we always want to belong to the first kind: that by elevating ourselves in the eyes of our readers, we take confidence from that feeling and write better articles; but some people end up in the second group - they take confidence from that feeling alright, but eventually end up believing that everyone will read WHATEVER they write. When that happens, the readership gradually falls and the eventual blame is faced upon "writing under duress". Writing under duress is fine IMHO, it's how you deal with it that matters.
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