Agreed! The people who push themselves outside of their comfort zone are the ones who will have quicker and better results throughout their career. Thanks for the thought-provoking post A.J.

Kelsey,

I had a similar experience when I moved to Kansas City, MO for a summer associateship with a law firm there. I had no ties to the city or friends there.

I found one of the best resources where co-workers and roommates. We'd go to events and then you just begin expanding your circle. Which is pretty much what I would tell people, that they were cool, interesting, etc., I was new to town, and looking to expand my circle.

//A.J.

Going to social events solo can be very intimidating at first. After having to go it alone several times, I now make it a game for myself. I say, "okay, last time you got 2 business cards and this time you'll get 4".I know it sounds weird but it kind of psyches me up. BTW, don't forget the liquid courage! Wine is kind in tough social situations-as long as you don't have too much.

AJ, this is some scary business, and I applaud your ability to put yourself out there. I'm with Grace on this one (and some of the other folks above). There is no excuse. So unless you're somehow contagious, it's a good idea to go.
When you go with friends, you often just end up talking to them. Networking sucks. Really. But it's worth doing in the end!

I haven't attended networking events like the one described above, but I've attended social gatherings via Meetup.com. The people I have met are friendly and they always welcome new people, so it's easy to strike up a conversation when you don't have an anchor.

What's amazing is that almost everyone at those things is thinking the same thing, yet we have this social fear of somehow getting rejected (even as just a networking opportunity).

I've found that reminding myself of "what's the worst that can happen?" is helpful. Because there's not much that could go poorly. Of course sometimes I think that the person I'm talking to will laugh at me, get on the PA, make a funny joke at my expense, everyone will mock me, I'll turn into Carrie like that movie and then be the subject of an E! True Hollywood Story... but that has yet to happen.

Alex,

Networks are support mechanisms, with the best networks inward-facing to a degree, to help members develop, but also keeping an eye on new individuals to bring into the fold. They are nepotistic in that information is member exclusive, which I don't believe is a problem.

On attracting new thought and talent, keep in mind effective networks have an attracting effect. Networks are valued based not merely on membership, but on WHO is a part of those networks. Networks WANT people who have the potential to grow it, or they will die. Thus networks, by their nature, MUST bring in new talent and hopefully ideas to stay strong.

Also, keep in mind that certain networks will attract certain types of people. For instance, I have no need to join an IT networking group and so wouldn't be attracted to it.

I think you are confusing professional networks with political type groups, as the former is focused on professional growth more than people not getting them. And the best networks, far from being Luddites, embrace any new technology, ideas, etc., that will advance that network.

Finally, I've found with networking and networks, you get out what you put in.

//A.J.