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You are stuck in this state. You want to leave now. There is nothing to do here. Nowhere to go.
You could be living in the smallest state. (Actually I live in the smallest state) You dream of moving to California, Florida, or New York. Now that is where the fun is. It's ok to see yourself living somewhere else in the future. It gives you something to work towards, and look forward to.
It's not ok to live miserably everyday because you don't enjoy living there.
When we hear that our friends love living where we wish we could live, we get a tad bit frustrated. Your friend got a wonderful job. Your other friend is never bored; there is so much to do. They go on and on about how they could not see themselves living anywhere else. #dropeverythingandmovenow?
Not so fast. You can't move just yet. You have to financially be able to do it. Research the state. Heard about California lately? It has to be a good move.
No state is too boring. You make it boring. I am firm believer that you are as happy as you want to be.
I have lived in Rhode Island since the age of 7. I used to think there was nothing to do here. There is. You just have to look harder. Who would have thought there was skydiving in RI?
I'm not saying I want to stay here for the rest of my life. But I am happy living here right now.
Until you stop hating where you live and accept the circumstances you will never be happy. You will be missing out on meeting great people. You will miss out on the great things happening right in your own backyard.
Are you unhappy where you live?
That is the perfect example of "the grass is greener" syndrome. I live in Florida, and it's hot, sticky, infested with bugs, nearly broke, and has a nice amount of latent racism to give it that down-home country feeling. In other words, it's a wasteland.
But it's home.
This is a money point - No state is too boring. You make it boring.
I have way too many friends that dislke living in an awesome city, but the reality is that they never leave their house, look for new opportunities, try to connect with people or better yet, start their own culture in the city. Wherever you are, you make your mindset. It does't matter if you live on a paradise island, it still comes back down to the people and the moments that you create.
This is a great post, Jenny. And I agree with Andrew in that it's that "the grass is always greener" mentality. When people talk about where they live and what they have, I think it naturally gets the wheels turning. You think "I could be happy there, I could have what they have." But then you wonder -- would you really be happier? Do you really want what they have? Or is it just the idea of that, of being somewhere else?
The fact is, we're all different, and what might work for one person might not work for all. I don't think it's about settling, but rather, as you say, it's about making what you have work for you. Maybe your happiness is entirely dependent you (general "you").
Great post, Jenny!
I used to think I hated Madison, WI ... I don't. I'd just rather be somewhere else if I had the choice. Most of us feel that way to some extent, but we stay where we are because of someone we love, a responsibility, a financial situation, etc.
What I've realized is that you're only as trapped as you allow yourself to be. And the more you let yourself be miserable because of the circumstances that surround you today, the less likely you are to move on to bigger and better places in the future.
When I lived in CA, it was my favorite place. When I lived in HI, it was my favorite place. When lived in VA, it was my favorite place. No matter where I live, I try to make it my favorite place because there is no point in resenting the present, imagining how much better some place else is.
My mother used to say that you find what you look for. So if you look for things about your town that make you unhappy, you'll find them. If you look for things you like, you'll find them, too.
And of course, you'll find both, whichever you're looking for. The question is this: when you look for things that make you happy, are there more of them (or more of them that are important to you) than there are of the things that make you unhappy?
Not every place is for every person, and it's fine to try a new place to see if it's a better overall fit for you. But see what you can make of where you are. It might surprise you.
I am a strong believer of where there is good, there is also bad. For example, I live in Madison and I hate it because of the cold weather during the winter. I think I would be happier if I moved to the desert, but I know I probably would miss Madison if I moved.
I used to live in RI (for about 2 yrs) and loved it. The atmosphere and the countless places to explore & things to do. I now live in NY & hate it b/c it doesn't fit my personality. I didn't even realize that I needed to be somewhere like RI until I lived there and saw my potential and my mindset drastically change b/c of that experience. My next move will be to somewhere that can provide what RI provided when I needed it most.
I've been struggling with being unhappy where I currently live -- and wanting to move to a new state (back home near friends and family). Your entry touched upon all the things that crossed through my mind as I have worked to realize that there is a whole life waiting for me to enjoy right where I live. And when the timing is right, I'll move.
Andrew- I couldn't have said it better myself. "It's Home"
Greg- You are right. It all comes down to the people and the moments that you create. If opportunities aren't everywhere. You must go out and "Create" them.
Susan- Yes. The "I wish...Could I..Should I...Would I... mentality only makes you miss on the great things that you have right now.
Ryan- I loved what you said. "You are only as trapped as you want to be." If we could remember this every time a situation drags us to feeling miserable we could turn that right around.
Jason- Resenting the present only traps you.
Kate- I try to find the good in every situation. Happiness is everywhere but it is up to you to find it.
Melinda- If we keep thinking about how happier we would be somewhere else we would miss on where we are right now.
Tiffany- After so many years of living here I am loving RI more than ever. I am glad I realized this before moving somewhere else.
Brooke- Enjoy the time that you have right where you are. It is better to spend it in happiness than being miserable about it.
I hated where I lived and here's why:
1) It was a stronghold of the KKK, and while the organization is gone, the prevailing attitudes remain.
2) 90% of the wealth and property are concentrated in the hands of 3-5 influential families
3) All but one public office is in the hands of 3-5 influential families
4) Real estate developers have jacked up the price of a single famiy home to an average of $395,000 when the average household income is less than $28,000
5) Police attitudes still come from the 50s and even the US Attorney seems to be swamped by the cases of civil rights violations. They have the highest rate of death of arrestees in custody in the nation.
6) Cops have been regularly indicted for their protection and participation in many of the local meth manufacturing and distribution rings.
7) Promise of a huge biotech research center were dashed when the Chinese-American VP of a major biotech company was harrased by cops, elected officials and citizens on the street to the point where he publicly stated that he wouldn't send his worst enemy there.
My friends left as soon as they could. I couldn't get away from there fast enough (even if I was drafted), and I will never go back, even under threat of arrest.
I didn't appreciate DC until I moved to Savannah for college. Now I love the city and all it has to offer. Of course, so of the prevailing attitudes concerning what you have and what you do instead of who you are still bug me. But, I got over it. There are plenty of opportunities to meet people who aren't like that.
Of course, I won't live here forever. I love NY. But, I'm going to milk DC for all it's worth while I'm here.
So basically then I should stay where I am cos where ever I move to I would feel just the same? I've lived in my home town for 38 years. I hate my job and my house. Have lost all enthusiasm for my life and recently went to visit my favourite place in England. I loved it, I felt alive and invigorated and now being home just makes me miserable. I cry because I want to be in the other place. When do you say enough is enough and move on? Surely you shouldn't live your life being miserable? Listen to your heart cos I think in the end it will tell what is right.
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