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So today on Oprah, they interviewed a mother who got so busy one morning that she forgot that her daughter was in the backseat of her car. She went into her job, went about her day, only to find her daughter had died in the backseat after spending 8 hours strapped in her carseat in 100+ degree heat. This mother was brave enough to come on the show and tell her story so that others can learn. As this mother told her story, she reiterated over and over that she was just so busy trying to be everywhere for everyone that she wasn't ever really present and she feels that lead to this incident.
I cannot tell you how many times I've been running around with my To Do list in hand, thinking about 100 other things other than the thing I am doing. I some days cannot remember driving two and from work, or remember looking into the rear-view mirror and wondering did I just cut that person off or did I just turn in front of someone. Just the other day, I was thinking about an upcoming meeting and put the cereal box in the refrigerator and my keys in with the spoons.
I've been watching this lately in the workplace. My job is mainly women. I watch these women always take on more, always step up to help, always try to keep the peace, and constantly multi-tasking. I'm not saying that the men in my job don't do the same, but I don't see the men I work with carry the same level of stress and self-expectation as us women do and I have to ask myself, is it a gender difference between men and women - this level of ownership and need to "take care of everything" or is it that in the workplace that is majority women, do we allow men to own things as much as we do?
I'll be honest, there are days that I find myself jealous and resentful of some of the men I with whom I work. It seems to me that they keep "normal" business hours, that they are allowed to give their opinion on a project vs. making it right if something is wrong. So, how do I model my work life so that the expectations that are put out there for myself as a woman are equal to that of a man? Do any other women feel the same?
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Comments
06.26.09
This is a tough realization. Somehow, in the workplace men always seem really cool and laid back, whereas the women are always high-stress and worried about their work.
I think part of it is just in our nature. It reminds me of my boyfriend at home. I regularly sweep, vacuum and dust, but I always have to ask him to vacuum the stairs. He actually became annoyed that I would ask him to do this (something about bossing him around?). And I told him; "I like the house clean and if i sweep and dust and vacuum the whole house, except the stairs, its noticeable." His response was that the stairs (and everything else) wasn't that dirty.
So why do I worry about the little bit of dust and regular use that shows around the house and he doesn't? Why do women care so much about their job that it causes them extra stress in life? Yet, it doesn't seem to phase men so much?
I don't think we'll ever know if its society, or just in our nature to worry about the imperfections, to-do lists and taking care of the entire world, but whatever it is, I think men need to take it up a notch. :)
06.26.09
The thing with this is I feel that women make a big deal b/c they feel as if they have to prove themselves over and over again. Men don't feel this way. To them, you get what I give you. Men don't have to be liked, appreciated, etc. Women do. I think its because of the current culture that this behavior is self-imposed.
06.27.09
What makes you think men don't worry about their jobs? Is it possible men are better at managing their emotions? Is it possible they are able to handle the day to day stress of work better than women? To me, it seems women spend a lot of time worring about how they "feel" or how everything effects "them". If it's too hot in the kitchen, maybe it's time to get out?
06.29.09
@Liza - Thanks for your comment! Sounds like you and I are very alike. Being 7 months pregnant right now, I can relate to not being able to not sit still until everything is just right...I'm just chalking it up to nesting. I've noticed how my husband is not bothered by those little things, but I guess that is why we are a good match.
@Tiffany - That proving ourselves over and over is an interesting one. I wonder when comes the time that we can just be content and stop trying to prove ourselves...on the other hand, if we stop trying to prove ourselves, will we be giving the opportunities to advance? Damned if we do and damned if we don't I fear.
@Anonymous - Just the type of passive aggressive comments I would expect from someone who only wants to participate in the discussion behind the veil of "anonymous".
06.30.09
Angie, I was not being passive aggressive, wow, you sound like a really angry person. My point was sometimes people should spend more time doing rather than thinking and wondering if they are doing more than others. And, also the world does not normally revolve around us.
07.01.09
@Lee - not an angry person at all..I just loathe the anonymous post. I agree with your point that some people, and I'll go as far to say many women, spend more time worrying about perception and perfection vs. just getting the job done. Thanks for your comment.
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