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One of the challenges we are all faced with throughout our lives is controlling that little voice inside our head. For some reason, it’s really good at telling you what you don’t want to hear, and tells you what you want to hear sparingly. It’s not uncommon to here a few phrases like the following from that little voice:
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That was stupid
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It’ll probably never happen
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You idiot
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Wow, there you go screwing up again
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What is wrong with you?
Now, the good news is that you can actually put a stop to this and you can get that voice saying things like the below the majority of the time:
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Wow, that was awesome
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You’re a rockstar
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Damn, I did that? I am amazing
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I’m incredible
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I’m funny, smart, charming, etc, etc
I’m not sure how or why I remembered this question, but I found it to be a very useful technique and getting the negative inner voice to give it a rest. Would you let anybody else talk to you like that? Give some thought to that question. Would you ever let anybody else call you stupid, idiot or screw up on a daily basis? Would you stay friends with somebody who constantly criticized you? I certainly hope not. But what’s amazing is we actually are fine with talking to ourselves that way. It sounds ridiculous when you realize what you are doing. Once we realize that we are not that voice and see are ourselves as separate from it, we can start to let it know that we’re done putting up with the way it treats us and tell it to take a hike. So next time that voice starts up, ask yourself “Would you let anybody else talk to you like that?” and detach from the inner voice.
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Comments
06.24.09
Ah yes, that inner voice or inner monologue can really brighten or destroy your day! We talked alot about this in Psychology, particularly with athletes. a game can be destroyed by that inner voice
06.24.09
The problem with your magic sentence is that a lot of us _would_ let others talk to us that way, and have done so all our lives, and that's why the inner voice carries on the theme. Our parents put us down, and we suspect they were right. I see the fallacy in this, but I have never managed to shake the voice or the inner feeling that no, my parents were right, I am worthless. And damn, I eventually married a man who supported this view. OK, I divorced him, but the inner voices carry on unabated. I really don't know a good solution to this. I wish it were as simple as telling myself how great I am, but an intelligent superego can defeat that without even trying: "Ha, who are you kidding? That Californian feel-good self-affirmation drivel isn't gonna fly. You know what a poser you are. etc." I'm not some lone neurotic. I know lots of people hampered with this problem, and it's really, really hard to change. The best I've found so far is just to keep it hidden from the world at large and _pretend_ you think you are awesome. It's a hard charade to keep up, but at least it sidesteps career suicide.
06.24.09
I agree 100% with Nomi--we LEARN those voices somewhere.
I am that super-positive friend that makes everyone laugh with her "life is good" chatter. "Things will work themselves out" and "I always think of something" may sound good in my head when life is melting down around me, but I often know I don't really feel this way. The "I'm so awesome" talk is usually to convince other people I'm okay than to convince me.
What happens to "fake it until you make it" when you still aren't making it--are you left feeling like a fake? Does not feeling as positive as you want to feel become one more thing you don't do well in life that you don't want to let people know about?
06.27.09
Yes, especially the platoon sergeant on his 4th tour in Vietnam, when I did something stupid that could have gotten me or someone else killed.
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