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In the last installment we talked about relationships with coworkers. Now let’s discuss relationships with bosses, supervisors, whatever you want to call them.
You won’t always like your boss. You probably won’t even like half of the bosses you encounter.
In a perfect world your boss would be a kind supportive individual who guides you and allows you to grow. He/she would display all the qualities of a leader. You would look up to him/her and strive to follow in his/her footsteps. You may even be friends; although, some would argue being friends is a bad idea.
The reality is that the boss-subordinate relationship is a forced relationship. Forced does not mean that it is inherently a negative relationship, but that both parties did not mutually agree to the relationship. It’s an arranged marriage of sorts.
That means that you have two individuals who may have very different goals, values, backgrounds, communication styles, ethics, opinions, etc. Differences in these areas can cause conflict. It may be a passive aggressive I’m-going-to-complain-about-you-behind-your-back conflict, but it is still a conflict.
The complaints individuals make about their bosses are always similar. He’s a jerk. She never does any work. He always takes credit for my work. She has mood swings. He’s away from work more than he’s at work. She doesn’t know a thing about XYZ. He’s power hungry.
Some of the complaints may very well be true, but the conflict always comes down to differences in the individuals. If your communication style is vastly different than your boss’s, that will probably cause conflict unless you can learn to mediate the situation.
And that’s what it all comes down to – working together. The good news is that you don’t have to like your boss. It certainly makes things easier if you do but it is not a prerequisite for doing your job well. What you do have to do is learn how to work together. Learn how to avoid having your differences become a disruption. And who knows, maybe you’ll find the next one is worse.
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Comments
06.16.09
Good point! I had a boss that I liked very much (in fact we're still friends years later) but there was just no room for us to work together on the same team. We'd get into raised voice arguments and alpha-male ego clashes a couple times a week.
The minute we put on our coats to leave for the day all of that shut off and we were good friends.
These days with rapid turnaround you don't need to like your boss but you do need to understand him/her. The hope is that you (both) can detach from personal feelings, recognize each others' value and respect it.
But if you're looking for a drinking buddy as a boss you're likely doomed.
06.16.09
This all assumes you actually see your boss one in a while.
06.16.09
You are correct - we don't have to like the boss.
What's interesting is that there are managers - especially new ones - who do want to be liked by their direct reports. The question I ask them is "do you want to be liked or do you want to be respected?" While the answer is not necessarily an "either/or" one, my observation after having worked with thousands of managers at all levels is that the best bosses are the ones that employees respect.
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