Yes!!! SO TRUE! I've started feeling myself *WINCING* sometimes when I go to facebook because I feel myself having those same thoughts. "What!? She's in NY!? No way! He has a baby!"

GOOD MANTRA. Don't judge. Don't compare. Maybe I will get this (temporary) tattooed on my hands.

It sounds like you're addressing this very common issue in a productive way. I'd add that it can help to keep in mind that living the life you want has very little to do with the life someone else is living.

I'm blushing right now; you've called me out on one of my worst habits and I'm embarrassed! It's nice to know I'm not alone in comparing "mine" to "theirs" - "their ______ is nicer/better/cooler/more fun/better-paying/etc. than MY __________" "Why do THEY have _______ and I'm stuck with ______?"

::sigh:: It's frustrating, and as you pointed out, at some point we notice "just how distracting it is worrying about who’s getting married, having babies, buying houses, and getting job offers. Especially since none of my problems are being resolved in the process."

I've realized the comparing game is just as fruitless as the blame game; it's a lot of talk and it ends up making you feel worse than you started. Hopefully as we get older we realize that at some point we need to take responsibility for the life we're leading (after all, it's our choices which brought us to the place we're in now) and what is great for someone else may not be the best thing for us (one man's trash is another man's treasure, right?).

I'm still working on accomplishing this, though. Maybe your breathing exercise will help! Thanks for the advice!

@Kat You make great points. There is always another side of the story that people aren't willing to share with us.

@Dr. John Drozdal I agree. It probably would be very helpful to address the thoughts that lead us to compare ourselves to others. It's important to get to the root of the problem.

@Kate It's true that what other people are doing shouldn't affect our focus on what we want to accomplish in our own lives, but it's easier said than done.

@Tiffany I appreciate that you share your experience on the opposite end of where I'm at. In my life, I find myself envying those who are married with children. It's interesting to hear that as a married woman, there are times when you envy us single gals.

@Meghan You're welcome. And you're right. But I think it's another one, of many, ongoing lessons we must learn.

I once heard a coach (Tonya Williams) say something that really hit home for me:

"When we practice a comparing mind, all thoughts are automatically passed through a judgment filter."

So, I love the "don't judge, don't compare" breathing technique. Seems to be a great centering tool.

Thank you, Akirah:)

That's been the story of my life for two years lol. I graduated in 2007 from a decent liberal arts school in upstate NY with a liberal arts degree.

Did two tv internships, went to seminars, job fairs, sent out resumes to hundreds of employers since graduation, and many interviews later can only get basic customer service jobs.

I saw some of my classmates getting entry level media jobs and learning a lot, they seem to be having fun, they're in major magazines and have company emails and stuff.

I thought we all did the same thing, so why am I not getting a chance? But I had to realize God has a plan for my life....

@JRandom I don't think there's anything wrong with comparing or judging things you see, based on your own life, however, when comparisons and judgments cause you to lose focus on your own life, that's when it gets dangerous. I think many people, particularly females, have this problem.

It didn't click in my mind until I read this post.

Girls are more 'catty' then guys-so often, girls feel like they need to be just as good or better than their friends. In order to feel as though they're doing this they often ruin the friendship; they'll complain about the other girl, when one is successful she becomes jealous and then is rude or mean to her. Or else a girl will flat out make herself look good at another girls expense.

I think if all girls realized why they do they can be such brats and realize this technique, girl world will be so much more peaceful.

:)

Mary, the thing is, that we don't judge our friends, but we do judge other people, our rivals so to speak.
Akirah, I think this is a great strategy to adopt, and I have decided to do so myself.But I find it real hard sometimes(especially the dont judge part)
I thought about shutting Facebook down for a week or so.
^^ Did you? How did you manage to survive without facebook :)

Regards, Tim

Thanks for all the great comments, guys. Yes, I agree, the women I know really struggle with comparing themselves to others. I haven't shut down Facebook completely, but I have monitored the way I process what I see on Facebook. It's so easy to fall into the trap of concerning yourself more with what other people are doing rather than what you're doing.

I'm not interested in what my friends, co-workers, relatives, ex-schoolmates or that guy down the street is earning, doing or getting laid with. Or how many widescreen plasma TVs they own, or whether their kids are going to which private school.

Because at the end of the day, even if I 'beat' them in every aspect of their life, there's no satisfaction. There'll always be somebody better at something, no matter how high you reach.

After all, Bill Gates isn't the world's greatest athlete and Mother Theresa probably can't survive long in a fistfight.

I'd rather focus my time and energy on achieving goals for my own purpose - honing my own skills and talents to a fine point, not because I want to be 'better' than everyone else, but for the sake of personal satisfaction and meaning.