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This isn't going to be about who pays for what on a date and how whoever asks for the date should pay or should the guy pay or logistics like that. This is going to be about check splitting and what that means about your relationship.
I was talking to my new friend Calloway yesterday about this and recalled that this was the 3rd conversation like this I'd had lately about this topic of finance and relationships and what it means.
1) If you are check splitting at the table a few months in, that's not a good sign. This is totally different than one person picking up the check one time and the other person picking it up the next time. I am all for paying half of the expenses for a relationship. Splitting the check at the table though could be indicative of a reluctance to commit. Paying for half of everything when it occurs kind of feels like there may not be a next time. Hence why I generally insist on paying for my way on a first date but not on the tenth.
Calloway puts this much more bluntly than I do - he says you're basically "friends with benefits" if you're doing this.
2) Guys (or girls for that matter) that won't let you pay for anything are going to feel like they need a more macho role in a relationship. Hear me out on this. Control of the finances in a relationship is a big deal. Some people don't want that control so they do very well with a person that wants their hand on the money at all times. I'm not knocking women(or men) that don't want to handle any bills, just that they better be dating someone that wants that responsibility.
As a rule of thumb I like to try to keep things pretty even when it comes to money. I think when you are in your twenties and money flow is less secure that allowing someone to pay for everything can be a major strain on the relationship should someone's financial situation change.
However, if you are still divvying up the check at the restaurant with someone you've been with for months, you might want to take a look at the level of commitment you both have to moving forward.
Funny enough, the bf and I live together and split the rent check. We have different demands on us financially - he'll get utilities, I'll do groceries so it all ends up relatively balanced.
We actually both insist on having our own checking accounts. We do have a joint account that has little to nothing in it, and it's there for the purposes of long absences so that the other person can pay our bills if we're not around to do it ourselves.
We don't split the dinner check either, who ever happens to have more money at the time usually takes it.
What does that say about our relationship? Who knows. It is sorta fun to create a hypothesis though
interesting.
I think with things like rent, we're talking a different ball game.
if we're talking restaurant or activities, i agree...if we're still going dutch after months and splitting the cheque, we've got some contemplating to do.
I'm a big fan of "I'll get the next one"....it reduces pressures on all sides
"I'm a big fan of "I'll get the next one"....it reduces pressures on all sides"
This only works if the person saying it doesn't develope amnesia about the last time they said it.
As for splitting the check, it's still preferable than dealing with deadbeats and freeloaders who say they'll get the next one, but never do.
I don't think there's anything wrong with splitting the check. As long as there's back and forth, who cares? I've been with my boyfriend for over a year and we're both very committed, and yes, we split the check at restaurants - for smaller things (a pitcher of beer, etc.) it's a one off - but meals can get spendy. I don't want to drop $65 on dinner and next time the tab total is $20 - it just makes sense.
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