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After a very long-term, committed relationship came to an end for me recently, I'm now single again. I haven't been single in a very long time, and dating...well, let's just say it isn't my forte. But I love observing human behavior--and I've noticed that my single friends who are very successful daters share a few key principles with highly effective networking and in-person sales. Here are a few keys to success I've noticed--both in the dating world and in the business world.
Don't be too available. If you're in demand, there must be a very good reason--and people are going to assume it boils down to the fact that you're awesome. In both the dating world and the business world, this translates into looking busy. Give the impression that you have a lot going on in your life--personally or professionally--and clients and suitors will flock to you.
Look good. You don't have to be a perfect 10 to make it in the dating world or in the business world, but you do need to put some effort into your appearance. When you're confident in yourself and you look the part of a successful businessperson--nice suit, nice haircut, nice portfolio case--people make assumptions that you've already made it. It makes your work of convincing them to hire you that much easier.
Chemistry is key. The way you make people feel will make a big difference--both in your dating life and in your professional life. I used to think being "businesslike" meant being serious and smart; never not knowing the right answer and never breaking into a smile. Now I realize being professional and being human are one and the same--and the way you relate to people could get you the sale. People would much rather work with people they like and trust.
Desperation kills the sale. Desperation can be smelled a mile away--and it always drives people away, whether you're on a date or on a sales meeting. Remember: there are plenty of fish in the sea. If you don't get this one, you probably weren't a good fit to begin with. Consider each rejection a blessing--it helps you stay out of bad partnerships, which are a nightmare at work and in your personal life.
Courting others isn't easy--whether you're talking romance or your next big client. It's easy to give the advice of projecting an aura of success, not desperation; and not to be afraid to show your personality in a positive way. But in reality, confidence takes practice. The more you meet people--in business and personal situations--the easier the interaction will be.
This is a great post... I have always felt like dating and sales go hand in hand. They also have their ups and downs. There are times I'll make every sale I go after, and times I'll make none. There are also times I will have a lot of dates, and times I will have very few. It's an interesting comparison, and one I think you only understand if you have done sales in the past.
Dan
I think everything up there looks great. I would add that everyone should go one step beyond just giving the impression of being busy or in demand. Go out and actually be in demand. If you take the time to take on different interests and activities, you can spread yourself out doing the things that you want and give yourself the opportunity to be busy with things you want to do. A lot of the time, the activities you can go out and do will give you a chance to hang out with friends or family in a different sense than you might normally do so, especially for those who have been out of college for awhile and can't hang out with friends in classes or social activities like they used to.
In other words, don't look busy - be busy. You never know who you might meet when you find yourself in group activities you enjoy doing as opposed to hanging out at the house.
Wow, it's like you crawled into my head! I have 6 links in my browser at home to write a post this weekend called "Wanna Succeed in Social Media Networking - Try "Dating"" I'm very excited to now have a 7th. :)
Dating is really sales anyways. As you meet new people and try to see if a relationship is in your future you are totally selling yourself (in a mostly legal way!) to your potential partner. For anyone in a business where you sell yourself more than a product, it is even easier to see the leap between the two.
This is a very good post. I can testify that creating a lack of supply of oneself (either real or contrived) works to increase demand. No doubt about it.
Quetion remains, however, that the very skill which allows one to succeed at seeming set and on thier own contradicts the qualities needed to meaningfully and sincerely engage others.
I'm only speaking for myself since that is what I struggle with.
@Dan-- A background in sales gives you a unique perspective on a lot of things--and knowing sound sales principles can help you out in a lot of areas of life that aren't business-related.
@Josh--this is SO true. Until you've GOT that amazing social life or client list, it's definitely to your benefit to fake it--but it's not a good idea to be complacent in doing that without trying to move forward.
@Elisa--you just made me think--a lot of the time in sales, it's easy to distance yourself from things by saying you're just selling a product--rejection isn't personal. But sometimes what you're really doing is selling YOU--so it's that much more important to give off a strong positive personal impression.
@Anon--I'm not sure there has to be a contradiction. In my experience, when I've really WANTED something I'd make the time, after the "courting" process has given me dependable results. Of course, you could say the courting process is never really over...
All great advice. I don't have anything to really add other than on the radio this morning I heard that dating is on the downslope. On average (don't know the source) the radio dj said single people only go on 6 dates per year. I thought this to be a very low number, but maybe its because they aren't counting dates once you're "dating". So it would be like once every 2 months meeting someone new to go on a date with.
I used to be a financial advisor, meeting people in their homes. I once had a woman tell me she felt like me coming over was like going on a blind date. And it's true - blind dates and meeting a new prospect feels about the same. In both situations, there is a fear of rejection and awkwardness due to lack of knowledge about the other person.
Great post!
Stop using your companies pre-printed thank you notes. Hand write a thank you note! Hand writing is much more personal and it shows you care. More...
Josh Swindle to All Fans
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