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In the world of personal branding, the emphasis on branding your name is understandably strong. One of the first steps to branding yourself online is always to snag your name’s URL – or the closest substitute you can find. To market yourself, your brand name, online, your best bet is to write, and comment, under your name as often and as broadly as possible. Online identity calculators can determine how big your brand is, how effectively your name is representing you across a multitude of popular pages.
Name, name, name, of course, is synonymous with “brand” in the personal branding lexicon, so it makes great sense.
Until, of course, you decide to go do something crazy like, say – change your name.
When I started blogging and stumbled into the world of personal branding, I never dreamed all of this would make much difference to me whatsoever, much less impact my real life decision of whether or not to keep my maiden name when I got married nearly a year later. Then, I was struggling with whether or not just to blog under my full name.
But here I am, two years into this, looking back at the strange journey that’s led me to a place where I function under a somewhat lopsided identity, fully functioning under my maiden name for work and online and under my married name “at home” – which really means at church and on holiday cards, I guess, when I really think about it.
It may sound odd, but really, I can’t tell you I’d do anything differently.
It took a long, hard time getting used Monhollon, as a name. I’d finally come around to appreciating its uniqueness, as a writer, and there I was, contemplating leaving it behind.
And let me tell you. I thought about it. We talked about it. Hashed and rehashed it. The great debate. Should I change my name? Hyphenate? Leave it the same? Oh, so many thoughts and worries and unknowns. Concerned looks from confused friends. Awkward introductions.
When I think about it now, it’s when I’m counting syllables on my fingers on the drive home from work. No hyphenated guest expert on NPR has yet to tie my new nine syllables, and I think I’m coming to a place where I can embrace that, too.
That’s the thing about it, I guess. A question that burned so strong in my mind, now seems so simple.
When it comes down to it, your name is your name. However much of it you want to use or keep or change. There’s nothing to fear in embracing it. Now, or ever.
I had to realize that having someone worth thinking about changing my name over also meant being lucky enough to have someone who already accepted all of me.
First name, last name, and whatever I chose to do with the rest.
Your Turn
What do you think about women, personal branding, and the name debate? Single gals, what do you think about the name change tradition in our culture? Guys, could you handle it if your wife didn’t change her name to yours? Anybody know examples of where this has gone well, or horribly wrong?
Men and women, please chime in and share your thoughts in the comments section! I’ll be waiting to talk it out.
This post was originally published in Personal Branding Magazine. You can snag a free sample of the latest edition here.
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Comments
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June 5, 2009 8:31 am
Personally, I don't understand why women change their names after marriage. Technically they are assuming their husband's last name, not legally changing theirs anyway.
In my opinion changing your name after marriage serves no purpose. Why should a woman (who has already accomplished so much in her career and personal life) have to change her identity simply because she got married?
When I got married it wasn't even an issue. If my husband had a problem with it, then I would have questioned a lot about our relationship.
When I was about twelve my grandmother was the one who told me that I didn't have to change my name. She was very forward thinking for her generation and I am very grateful that we had that conversation when I was a child.
June 5, 2009 8:42 am
@ Kimberly - It's interesting, I know people from different cultures who have taken each other's names when they got married. So everyone has a different take on it. The symobolism involved in the gesture is important, culturally, too. But in the end, I think most people make a decision based on their own cultural and personal opinions. It does seem to be a more openly discussed issue at this point, which is good, I think. Because it's a tricky decision, at the least.
You should check out the different comments on my original post at my blog - lots of good thoughts there too: http://tiffanymonhollon.com/blog/
June 5, 2009 10:40 am
Whatever you do, don't hyphenate your name. I hyphenated my as a compromise for my mother-in-law and I've regretted it ever since. Computer systems hate it. Whenever I travel for business, my flight will be under one part of my name, the hotel under the other, and rental car may be a mix of the two. It's incredibly frustrating.
June 5, 2009 11:37 am
From my perspective, my identity has never been tied up in my last name anyhow. I told my fiance that I wanted to take his name; he never brought it up.
One issue I haven't seen mentioned is children. I have friends who did not change their names, but the children were given the father's last names. Now many of those women are having to prove that this differently surnamed child is, in fact, theirs.
I'm not sure the career argument is always valid, either. For example, I changed both my name and my career. And if so many Millenials are regularly changing jobs and careers, I'm not sure how much name consistency is going to matter.
Ultimately, though, I think it's a personal question, and one that shouldn't receive criticism regardless of which decision someone makes. Who cares what someone else's name is, after all, as long as you know what to call him or her?
June 5, 2009 12:09 pm
I already left you a long comment on the original post, but thought I'd add my thoughts here too :) In short, I've always questioned the tradition of women changing their names at marriage and think it's an outdated tradition that needs to go. Of course, it's every woman's personal decision, but my thoughts are: if someone is trying to build a 'personal brand' keeping your name is even more essential; but even regardless of the personal branding concept I think women should keep their own names at marriage. But that's just my 2 cents...I know it's a complicated issue.
June 5, 2009 1:12 pm
@ Kate - The children element is an interesting one. Right now, our plan is for me to legally add his name to mine, so that won't be an issue for us. But it does come up often.
As to your point about changing jobs and careers, I actually see this increasing the importance of your name consistency, so that you have some element of continuity in your professional life.
In the end though, I do think it's a personal question. But hey, it's one worth taking seriously and asking!
@ Nisha - Thanks continuing to add to the discussion!
June 5, 2009 1:51 pm
@Tiffany: And yet since this issue isn't new, it's not as though the workplace is unable to handle a name change. It's a hassle, but people adapt. When you're changing workplaces (and particularly careers, where you probably don't have a lot of name recognition anyhow), the process of adapting isn't that hard.
I made the choice that felt right for me, and I was in my mid-30s when I made it. I know other women who have chosen not to change their names and that's right for them.
Societally, we spent a lot of time judging each other. This seems like one of the most pointless ways to do so. If each person handles this in the way that is best for her (or him--I also know men who have changed their names, although not many), why does it continue to be so hard for so many people to accept it and move on with their lives? If a rose by any other name would smell as sweet, who really cares?
June 5, 2009 3:40 pm
I think the societal expectation is unfair. Some commenters seem to have fairly strong opinions about this topic, but I don't see how you can make the case that, in general, one choice is better than another when it comes to changing or keeping your name. There are benefits and drawbacks to both, and the "right" choice will not be the same for every person.
What is interesting about this issue is that one person's choice to change or keep her name really has no impact on anyone else, yet many people are willing to judge a woman harshly based on the choice she makes. It's sort of like arguing about which color should be everyone's favorite. It doesn't make sense to say that everyone should prefer a certain color.
For me, I know I would be at least a little bit reluctant to change my own name if gender expectations were reversed, so it wouldn't be fair for me to demand that my wife change hers. I don't think it should really be my decision at all, unless she asks for my input.
June 5, 2009 3:49 pm
"What is interesting about this issue is that one person's choice to change or keep her name really has no impact on anyone else, yet many people are willing to judge a woman harshly based on the choice she makes."
@Evan, I don't think I said this nearly as clearly as you did!
June 5, 2009 4:39 pm
I agree that this is an outdated concept that should be done away with.
Throughout history women have never had their own (sur)name, they come in to the world with their father's surname and take their husband's surname upon marriage with no thought to their own wants or feelings.
We are now in a society in which it is not unusual to have career women, and there are many women who choose not to marry, or if they do, keep their maiden name. It is not as if women are meant only to marry, bear children and uphold her husband's honor anymore, it should not matter to the rest of society what she does with her name. Unfortunately, to many people, it does, and judgments pour in from all sides-it is at this point that the woman in question should not let it get to her. It is her life, she is living it as she wants to, so get over it.
June 5, 2009 4:39 pm
Stupid comment length regulation...anyway: It is a self-esteem issue just as assuredly as body size/shape/weight is.
BTW-My surname is my maiden name. I kept it when I was married, and I have it now that I am divorced. I shall continue to keep it unless some huge force convinces me to change it. Not to mention I go by my pen name while writing, my real name (listed above) while as editor, and my Magickal name as a Witch.
June 5, 2009 9:17 pm
Amen, Amy! It's a hassle, imo.
Obviously, I went the hyphen route, and one thing I would really like about sharing a name (and a reason I'm considering going ahead and taking his name) is the sense of being one family or unit. I know that being a family doesn't depend on sharing a last name, but I'm realizing it's something important to me.
@Katenonymous Mothers seriously have had to "prove" they are the parent to a different surnamed child? It just seems like a situation that is too common due to divorce and remarriage to really be an issue. Interesting.
June 5, 2009 10:11 pm
@Marie, that's what I'm told. Seems like an odd thing for them to make up, doesn't it?
June 6, 2009 2:02 pm
I am probably much more conservative in outlook than most of my peers; for reasons of culture and religion I will not think a second beat of changing my name. Granted, I will lead up to the name change with some exciting announcements preparing people to start thinking of me with a different last name. Branding may be a little sticky at first, but the personal rewards are worth it for myself.
In terms of personal branding, I think of it as: new name, new and better things to come! And I would want to people to think that as well.
A way to avoid the name change debate would be to adopt a unique slogan/moniker so that, no *matter* what your name is, you are well known as that.
June 7, 2009 4:13 pm
Some might be interested to know that Muslim women do not change their names upon getting married. It is not allowed in Islam. This is partly so that a woman maintains her own identity and is not regarded as "belonging" to her husband in any way.
June 7, 2009 7:05 pm
So...if someone has changed their name after a marriage and starts blogging/climbing the corporate ladder/building a name for themselves are they not being true to who their own identity is? I'm very intrigued as there seems to be some very adamant opinions on keeping your name. People want to keep their "original" name because its unfair to ask a woman to change her name. Isn't it also unfair to judge a woman who does and make statements like they are "losing their identity?"
That being said, Tiffany, I would say it would pose a problem if you didn't look at it strategically. For someone like yourself where your name is absolutely your brand, it must pose a much larger problem. I'd agree with @Katrina, and if a change is made then saturating all the feeds and markets you are a part of to let them know the change is coming will be a definite step in the right direction!
June 7, 2009 7:12 pm
@Elisa
I never once saw anyone in this thread make such a statement. But for what it is worth, yes it is unfair to go in the other direction. The point is that it is unfair of everyone to expect that a woman change her name and when she doesn't judge her and/or when a woman chooses to do so judge her for doing that. It is societal expectation, not any one person's. We set too high a standard for our women to reach, and on top of that it is a double standard.
June 7, 2009 8:10 pm
@Bonnie, the first comment is where I got the loss of identity. I agree, it IS unfair to EXPECT someone to change their name. However, it is equally unfair and diminishing to view is as some horrible travesty. The expectation is the travesty, the act itself is not. It's similar to the whole "women deserve a career, women should be in the workplace, girl power" theory...where does that leave stay-at-home moms? As women work so much for progress we end up creating our own double standard and looking down on traditions that some people hold close to their heart. Again I iterate, the expectation that women change their name is outdated and unfair...the way women now tend to look down on the act is as well.
June 8, 2009 9:05 am
@ Elisa - Some background on my stance is that I come from a very conservative family. My mother home-schooled myself and my sibilings for the majority of her career (as an educator). A choice I am so honored she made and admire so much - and believe is a choice worth fighting for.
Personally, I never even considered the possibility of not changing my name until I was already neck deep into the one I had, so this is quite honestly a very difficult question for me. And my husband. And my family. By no means do I think the tradition of women taking on thier husbands names is bad or wrong or demeaning. Neither is honoring your husband or your family for the sake of honor and respect itself.
That's why I think I struggled, and still wrestle, with both sides of this so much. I've taken my husband's name in "life" and he supports my decision to work under my maiden name, but I didn't count on the friction this can cause, personally, and that is what I struggle with mostly.
June 8, 2009 9:06 am
@ All - Thanks so much for the thoughtful comments and opinions.
I think in the end, talking these things out from all angles, before and after, pro and con, is important because, hopefully, it will help other women when they face this milestone decision.
June 9, 2009 8:49 am
I think a lot depends on how young you are, how much you've already done, when you get married.
I think that if I had already created a professional reputation, published a book, or had a child before I got married I might have kept my name.
But I graduated college, took a tent-camping tour of the country and got engaged. We got married, moved to a cool new city, and really started our adult lives together as a couple.
My advice to anyone who will listen: figure out who you are, and take time to fall in love. If you're working too hard to have a personal life, you are just working too hard.
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UVA (Darden) MBA Admissions Deadlines for 2010-2011
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The University of Virginia's Darden School of Business recently published its application deadlines for the coming admissions season. Here they are, followed by our comments in italics:
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