
Somehow in between being irrationally impatient and borderline anxious, I have found a calming place. I used to bounce from one idea to the other. Oo! I like scrapbooking, I can be a scrapbooker, woo hoo! I made six pages in a scrapbook and was done.
Then I wanted to sell my own greeting cards. And then letterpress prints on Etsy. And then travel the world and write a book. And then work out of a coffee shop in New York City. And maybe move to Portland. And work for a publishing company (I applied to about twenty a year ago). And then I wanted to work at a tech startup. And, OMG, Jamie, you have ADHD or that adult ADD that they advertise about during The Price is Right. (In between the Depends commercials, you know.)
Then, once I started Shatterboxx Media, I became the most patient person when it comes to career. It was so freeing and whenever I get some whim to start another one of my “hobbies” up, I just push it out of my head. I figured out why, too.
FOCUS. FOCUS. FOCUS. No, don’t focus on what I’m saying. The secret is: FOCUS! I finally found something to focus on and I found that whenever something comes into my brain and it doesn’t fit into the grand scheme of Shatter-frickin’-boxx Media, then it is out. Because building that business is more important than ping-ponging around like a child on Ritalin. (Or, off Ritalin, really.)
Then, the real kicker in my whole theory of staying focused as the key to freedom from impatience (deep breaths, I know, that was very motivational speaker-ish) was when I started getting that super impatient, anxious feeling about my love life.
And, last night it hit me like a whole big ton of bricks. I’m irrationally impatient about my love life because I have not even one effing clue about what I want. Not one. And, the second I think I figure it out, I get all tempted by something else. I’ll say to myself, “Jamie, you only want something special or real this time - stop doing that thing you do where you are one foot out the door always.”
And then I’ll do that thing I do where I’m one foot out the door always, because a situation arose where I could do that. Perfect. Really making progress here. So, I’ll get impatient about my love life not going in the direction I want it to when, in actuality, it’s not going in the right direction because THERE IS NO DIRECTION.
It’s this insane zigzag line that somehow brings itself full circle all the while feeding into my impatience. Oh. My. God. I have to deal with this every day. It’s not pretty.
Basically what I’m trying to say (and probably failing miserably) is that I feel like, for me, freeing myself from the heart-beating, terrible feeling of impatience has to do with knowing what I want and focusing in on that. Teeter-tottering between what I want and then going for the shiniest thing is the worst thing I could do to myself.
So, now, please, for the love of god, tell me some of you understand where I’m coming from.
Getting to the point where you know what you want is a wonderfully freeing thing. Although, really, I don't know that it ever lasts for long or is every fully realized. And it does instill a degree of patience... but I don't know. Patience is one of those funny things. It's like when they say never pray for humility, because you'll always get an answer and it will rarely be what you thought you were asking for.
Ok, maybe that doesn't make any sense. I guess I'm just saying that maybe it's not about ever having the impatience go away. It's just that with time and focus, you can direct your impatience into more - CONSTRUCTIVE things. Like progress, instead of just spinning your wheels anxiously.

I totally get it! I want to be a musician, be a mom, be an executive, be a professor, not be a mom, own a dog, own a cat, live in the mountains, live by the sea, be a free spririt, be religious, be non-religious.
I want to read as many books as possible, be in several bands, run a marathon, travel the world. I want to learn to surf, fly a plane, go skydiving, go shopping....etc.
The list goes on and on. The priorities vary depending on how I feel that day.
Except, what I'm discovering is that life is limited by two things; work and sleep. I work too much in order to pay my bills that I can't experience what I want and just when I get around to checking things off my list I wear myself out.
It's takes a lot of energy.
A father of a friend, who was a minister to a church in the rural South once told me:
"If you are truly impatient, never pray for patience. Because God doesn't just give you more patience. He just sets you in situations where you have to exercise and pump iron with what little patience you already have, in order to build it up."
Truer words were never spoken to me.