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I tell my dog that he's a good boy about a million times a day. I think it makes him happier. But like my dog, whom I'm convinced is just a person in a fur suit, when real people still require that level of constant approval, they too might as well be domesticated house pets stuck on a short leash. The need for positive feedback, what I call "Good Dog Syndrome", can drastically hold us back from ever making any real progress.
So why does everyone, especially Generation Y, constantly seek approval from others about our work? Someone's verbal approval isn't a real indication or gauge of our current and future success. Okay, maybe it's a nice perk of a good work environment, offering a sense of belonging and support. However, I'm afraid this desire has become an addiction for our generation. Some of us feel lost when we don’t hear someone say "good job" -- exclusively relying on others to evaluate our own performance. That’s ridiculous. It’s like we’re looking for a grade from teacher, forgetting how arbitrary we thought grades were when we were in school. All you need to judge your work is to know you're doing your best. Because, if you're anything like me, it's a challenge just to fulfill you own standards. When you're only seeking others approval, you may stop short of your best, satisfying only what they arbitrarily thought warranted a "good job." It’s your responsibility to get the best out of yourself. So stop putting others’ standards before your own.
In breaking out on my own as a freelancer and entrepreneur, I first had trouble without the constant "good job" that I used to hear at work, and feared I wasn't doing a good job when I certainly was. But lacking feedback wasn't the true problem. It was the NEED for the feedback that was the real problem. The NEED was robbing me of my motivation, entrepreneurial spirit, and independence.
Ultimately, Good Dog Syndrome will kill your success, because in its absence you will convince yourself that you're not doing well enough. You may even ask "Am I cut out for this?" It can even make you miss your previous lame job. But why would you sacrifice your dreams for an emotional band-aid? Instead you need the more substantial, long-lasting cure.
What is the cure for Good Dog Syndrome? It's easy: just relax. Stop judging yourself. Believe that your best is not just 'good enough', it's seriously great. Put an end to that need for approval, and you will break free from the bounds of Good Dog Syndrome. You will feel more confident in your work, and value the daily progress you make. Because you have every reason to be proud of yourself when you truly try your best. My guess is you’re your progress will be better than you expected, and definitely better than if you were just seeking a pat on the back.
As for my dog… he’s pretty proud of his daily accomplishments of protecting me from my mailman, peeing in precisely the same spot in the middle of the sidewalk, and finding the most bizarre napping positions… without my approval.
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Comments
05.22.09
I agree.
05.23.09
I disagree. While panting in front of your boss, none in mouth, is excessive, feedback is a vital part of a professional relationship, and the mindset and doing it all on your own will only get you so far. Even entrepreneurs need feedback... And they may be the group that needs it the most, especially to keep relationships going that could generate clients down the road
05.24.09
We are, by our nature, social beings. Without someone else in this world to interact with, we have nothing. For example (this may be stupid but I think it makes the point), if you go to see a movie, you almost always have a strong desire to talk to someone else about it and compare opinions. Whether its subconscious or not, our interaction with other people and the feedback we receive from them is always going to have an impact on our choices and the composition of our personality (especially when we are younger and less-seasoned in our views).
I think the spirit of this article is to take ownership and act on our personal desires, beliefs, and ultimate goals. We are the ones that know our desires the best and we have a tendency to sometimes be discouraged by what others think about our actions as it relates to those desires. For example, when I wanted to become a philosophy major, I talked to a lot of people about it and they all thought I was crazy. If I listened to them, I wouldn't have done it. I was the only one who really knew what would satisfy my desires, and I ended up doing it. Recently I thought about entering into a part-time grad school business program. A lot of people told me not to do it, and I ended up agreeing with them. I'm not sure if this was the right choice or not to this day and sometimes I think I should have just listened to myself. People will almost always judge us on our actions, but they don't really know what led us to take those actions and what our state of mind is.
05.24.09
Very insightful comments. While of course feedback is important for a well-rounded perspective, it's never a good idea to make personal decisions solely based on other peoples' feedback. We've all learned that at some point or another.
No one can truly go it alone, nor do many people want to. Collaboration is the key to success. However, if you need approval from others in order to feel talented or successful, then you're not confident enough to be a great collaborator. Despite what others think, you have to believe in your own skills and potential in order to make progress. It doesn't work to wait until others believe in you to believe in yourself.
06.07.09
This is thought provoking indeed. I agree that excessive craving for feedback and praise is detrimental to long term success, but we cannot deny the importance of feedback to someone like me, who is just starting out on his career. Feedback and praise of your work does carry you a distance both personally and professionally.
I agree with the spirit of the article, which refers to the mentality, but i think clear segregation of the type feedback should be made.
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