I agree that your parents were not jerks, but I don't think you can complain about MOST people being given the world on a silver platter - the whole point of the metaphor is that only applies to an upper eschalon of people. I would fall into the "silver spoon" category, and I'm doing okay now a couple years out, but I agree that most of my fellow grads have no idea how to budget money.

The reason for this may be a shock to you, but instead of complaining about the privileged many, take for granted that you know what you are doing and were given the opportunity to learn - and that you grabbed it responsibly.

Good post!

Jordan

The thing about Paul's post that you quoted here, is that it is said in most graduation speeches, just not that bluntly.

And I completely agree with you, my parents wanted to help, but couldn't. So they did when they could, but for the most part I took responsibility for myself. And now, two years out, I pay for everything in my life.

Its hard to say, "Hey kids, its time to grow up and pay bills like every other adult in the country" without trying to make a metaphor or to make it sound like the best idea ever! But in reality, it sucks. And when your a student that doesn't realize how much of a large paycheck is paid to taxes, its hard to imagine that the world outside of college is all that bad.

As far as parents babying their kids, I think we also need to look at the alternatives. For example; I didn't want to stay a fifth year, and my curriculum kept me too busy to work a job for most of college. So instead, I took out a lot more loans to pay for my expenses. I think that is similar to a silver spoon (although you pay for it later!). Or credit cards, so many of my friends had too many credit cards and didn't care about the balance, but they lived comfortably and didn't have to work their butt off to pay for their expenses. Even though they also will have to pay for it down the road, college was easy for them.

Society as a whole is responsible for the 'upbringing' and maturity of your youth. No matter what your parents did for you or anyone else during college, once you're out that door, society can still show you how to mess it up.

I guess, in the 'real world' a student is always responsible for themselves, they just didn't quite realize it until after graduation.

Just to add to my previous comment, there's a huge chance I"m just bitter because I'm jealous. After all, who wouldn't want that silver spoon?

I worked all through university and paid my own way. I'm not jealous or bitter towards those students who had everything handed to them. I feel that I was better prepared for life after graduation.

I'm also extremely grateful that I was able to finish my education without a student loan.

College is just such a sheltered world, even if you provide for yourself, so that advice is very pertinent. Even though I provided for myself fully for the majority of college, I still experienced a sort of culture shock when I graduated and began working. Life seemed to be all about going to work and paying bills after college.

I personally don't see what's so bad with your parents giving you that silver spoon. I think the problem is not the "silver spoon" but the fact that it wasn't followed with proper education with how to manage money and responsibilities (and you do touch on that). A lot of my college friends, actually a vast majority, had everything given to them, and they are doing great now. They just had an easier start to real life as they didn't have to deal with car and student loans.

My first year in college was fully covered by my parents. After that first year, a drastic change in my family's financial situation forced me to manage everything on my own. I worked, took out loans, could not afford health insurance, and graduated a year early. Now, in fact, I support my family while I live separately from them. Having gone through this experience, I suspect I am a lot more grown-up and a lot more responsible right now if things stayed the same in my family's financial situation. BUT I still don't see whether it really was better to start my life that way.

I'm with Ulyana. It's not just who pays, it's what you learn and are taught about money. My parents paid for my education. But they only paid what they could afford, which means that I also had scholarships and went to a school in their price range. My brother went to a much more expensive school--on an ROTC scholarship.

Long before that, though, they'd used our (small) allowances as a tool to teach us money management. The result was that while I didn't have to pay for college myself, I knew that money had value--and I kept my expenses low so that my parents didn't have to pay more than was necessary. Similarly, my brother paid off his loans for law school in three years, because he lived very carefully and made those payments his priority.

There are plenty of people who never learn this lesson because all of their expenses were covered, but it's not a one-to-one correlation.

I have to agree with Katharine. I have to commend you for paying your way through college, and I understand that it's extremely difficult. I have been pretty lucky and although I have held jobs in college it wasn't like I was paying for everything - a combination of scholarships, and parents help, plus my own work has helped me through college. However I would say that I know many students at my university who are privileged and yet not spoiled, who have many concrete skills and are doing great internships, who are getting into great graduate schools, and who certainly are going to make a good living for themselves after they graduate. I'm not sure your generalization is correct, because although I'm very lucky I wouldn't say that I am going to fail due to my lack of budgeting or financial management skills. It really is a vast generalization.

@Katharine and Akhila: I think you guys are assuming that I think I'm better than the guy next to me. I am not boasting about having paid for everything. I thought I was the only one doing it!

More or less I'm mad that there are parents out there who are providing for their kids and not teaching about responsibility. Clearly you guys don't fall into that category or you wouldn't be here.

I think the silver spoon part is what is really getting people worked up, so let me elaborate on my idea of what the silver spoon entails:

Silver Spoon College Kid: someone who is missing out on valuable life lessons because everything is provided for them and they are given little guidance. The best real life example I can think of is a girl I met at USF. Her education was paid for, her brand new BMW was paid for, rent, utilities, etc, and her dad gave her an amex that she could use and he'd pay it off. Her roommate loved living with her because he never had to pay for anything.

Extreme? Yes.

Like I said in the post, I think most of us are a balance between the two extremes. I guess the real question is, what is your "silver spoon"? Judging by the comments here and the ones actually posted to my blog, it's different for everybody.

I was also handed a silver spoon, and my parents still haven't completely taken it away. I take what's offered so that I can have more for less. I also have a decently paid full-time job and make more than I spend. I'm grateful that my parents paid for my college tuition and living expenses in college because I graduated without student loans or other debt. I now have a sizable savings account.

I think it's fine for parents to provide for their kids if they're willing and able to without too much difficulty to themselves. The working world sucks, and naturally, people want to minimize their time in it.

@Alexander I'm not sure what you mean by "written off". I'm not writing anyone off here, I'm more or less trying to get a feel for what everyone's background is. What is your idea of silver spoon? In my response above I listed what my idea was, and with that idea in mind, the type of student I was referring to in my post.

I have never, and wouldn't ever, claim that I am superior because I'm paying my way. Yes it's great that I have, but I also admire students like Katharine, who didn't have to work, but have learned the skills regardless.

What works me up is the people that are provided for, have little or no guidance, and then can't figure out why they can't support themselves. None of the people participating in this conversation actually fall into that category - which brings me back to the point that what my idea of a silver spoon entails is completely different from you or anyone else participating.

Again, I encourage everyone to think about their silver spoon and what it means to them.

and to build on my last point, I thought I was the only one paying my way, then I thought that there are a ton of people who don't have to... I admitted that Paul's post shed light on a topic I am naive about, hence why I'm here. I'm exploring the issue and I want to learn more about who's doing what and how the issue affects them. :)

@Alexander that is an awesome way of looking at it. I agree! In the last part of my post, I said that the students without a cent of responsibility should get ready. And they should. Spoon or no spoon, big or little, you're right, it doesn't matter. It's the ones that don't learn lessons regardless that I'm worried about. And it seems like more often than not, the ones who aren't learning are the ones who didn't have to learn.

Part of my college tuition was paid with some money I got from my father who passed away when I was in high school. And if I had to bust my ass paying my own way if it meant he was still with us I would do it in a second.

Everyone thinks their situation is the worst, but there's always going to be someone worse off than you. I moved out when I was 17 and have always paid for car insurance, gas, high school expenses, etc. and once I went to college I had the whole gamut to pay for (I lived several years with no health insurance because hey - who can afford that as a full time student?) I've had a part-time job since I was 15. I used to always envy my friends who had their parents' credit cards or even the one who just got their cell phone bill or car insurance paid for - and even though I thought I had it rough, I'd always meet someone who had it way worse than me. And hey, much like you Sydney, providing for myself all these years has made me extremely independent and fiscally responsible, so I can't complain too much...

"And it seems like more often than not, the ones who aren't learning are the ones who didn't have to learn."

I’m just jealous at those who didn’t have to pay for everything, not paying for anything now, and be able sit at their parents' house and blog and defend to the death of their reasons for quitting a job after working a few weeks, all in the name of their “happiness”.
I hated my job, instead of quitting I picked up another part time job I hated to free myself of college debt quicker so I could give myself the time and opportunity to look for something better. This is something I felt I had to do, I would be lying if I said I did it out of pride, or to prove that I can support myself; definitely wish I had a daddy to pay for everything.

I am glad to hear also that I wasn't the only one paying my way through school too! And I know I really wasn't the only one but I certainly was amongst my many many friends in school. I worked throughout college, I paid for my car, I paid for my books and I paid for as much of the tuition as I could afford taking on loans for the rest (of which I am proud to say I kept fairly low considering 4.5 years of schooling). The only thing my parents chipped in was health and car insurance ('cause it was cheaper anyways to keep it on the family plan). Now, I will also say that half of my parents are awesome! My mom and stepdad are in a similar position that they couldn't afford it and I would never ask them in the first place. They helped with the insurance and that was more than generous and I am still very grateful! My dad on the other hand could have easily paid for my tuition. The tires on his car which need to be frequently replaced was almost as much as a single semester of tuition! And throughout high school I always expected him to cover it. I even heard of things like a college fund was supposedly in existence. But I remember the day first semester when it finally came to dealing with the cost and I told him about it and his reaction was as if this measly amount for him was going to be a burden. I turned around and walked out with the bill in my hand. I had no idea how I was going to do it on my own but it was a dream of mine to go to school and I wasn't going to let that not happen. I decided then that I am going to “own” my degree. I struggled to pay the first semester and to this day don't know how I did it actually. But I didn't even take out a loan. And in the second semester through patience with financial aid office (where I think I received $17 in aid) I learned the process of getting loans to cover what I needed and budgeted the rest. But every semester was certainly a battle. There wasn't one semester where I was always trying to figure out how I was going to make it work. I had to buy books based upon when they were needed and when I got my paycheck. The due date for the bill was always stressful and I usually got everything in on time within days if not hours. I even started taking 17 to 18 credit hours a semester so I could graduate quicker than add on the cost of another semester (it still took me 4.5 years with a major change though). The battle also added on heavy stress throughout my college career. It was a constant worry which add that to the stress of school itself... it was definitely a struggle but perhaps the best lesson I ever received through those years but certainly had negative effects including on my grades. At the end of the day though I am proud of what I accomplished. I didn’t allow my issues to not let me enjoy college life as I had a lot of friends and I was active on campus leading three organizations (at the same time for a bit too) and I worked. My life was hectic and busy but it was the best preparation I could have asked for! My days started at 8 and would go to 10 or 11 at night being filled with classes and meetings and homework and my job that actually paid. That kind of schedule makes my current one in the real world with work almost pale in comparison even though I still work a ton and still have to manage my time but it was an easy transition because of what I did in school! Like I said, it actually seems easier now! The other satisfaction I get to have now is that I truly do own my degree. It was more meaningful to actually get that piece of paper than any of my friends! And they know that, often telling me how different it really is for me than for them. A few of them have yet to even receive there’s as they found out they missed a needed class but have since not returned to get it. Not me. I spent way too much, worked way too hard to not get that final result. And now, looking back too, I wouldn’t change a thing! Even with my bills I am still paying cause of school, it was all well worth it! The best lessons came from outside of the classroom and I definitely got my fill of an education! I am much much more stronger for it too! By the way, people hiring also love to hear it too!

Glad my Top Five could help fuel this firestorm of comments:)

Great discussion all around and I truly think this touches on a much deeper cultural issue than just college loans and car payments actually.

Obviously, us, not all but collectively, have not done a very good job as far as smart financial decisions (See economic collapse of 21st Century).

And of course there's many reasons for it, but I think much of it can be equated to entitlement, which runs extremely deep in our collective identity whether mommy or daddy paid for every thing or not.

We need that house. We deserve that car, whether we earned the money used or not. "Credit" can be the same crutch as Dad, just with a slightly higher interest rate :)

We want to look and feel successful. And "stuff" can sometimes be the quick fix way to show every one, "Hey, guess what? I'm doing better than you."

Some have learned better than others, but "Sacrifice" hasn't really been in our collective vocabulary the last decade.

Keep your eye out for my follow up article titled: Five (More) Things You Should Hear at Graduation, But Won't.

I don't know if it will piss off as many people as my first, but you never know :)

Sydney- I admire the fact that you were able to put yourself through school and are fully financially independent- it's definitely a rare thing in our generation.

It's great that you can do what you can, but the truth is some people really aren't cut out for it. Financial instability/failing to stay on a budget is a major recurring issue in people with mental illnesses. Sure there are some lazy and spoiled kids out there who are going to the school of hard knocks but there's also a lot of good people who are struggling in this economy through no fault of their own. Only about 20 percent of 2009 graduates are going to have a job right out of school- so they're going to have little choice but to rely on their parents for a few more years, and I see no problem with it.

Sydney, I appreciate the comments and understand more where you are coming from, but another thing to mention: it depends a LOT on the type of family you come from and the pressures on you from your parents. For instance, I am Indian, and as many other Asian parents mine have always pushed me. Sure, they did take care of me financially, but intelligence and hard work? Those traits were pushed into me by my parents and I am still influenced by it, and thankful too for their emphasis on this. My parents, grandparents, family, everyone always pushed me to do better. Getting a B or even A- is unacceptable, whether in high school or college. Studying a lot, doing extracurriculars, no partying, etc. I may not be pressured financially, but there were other factors that made me the hardworking person I am today.

Moreover, though they have helped me a lot in college, I do have an obligation to repay. When it's retirement time, I'm going to step in and pitch in whatever I can - financially or otherwise - to make sure they are comfortable. So, things don't work the same way in all cultures. Just another point.

@Akhila- Excellent point. A little bit about me. I grew up in Overland Park, Kansas. My parents sacrificed a lot to live in a neighborhood that afforded me an excellent high school education. Everyone around me my entire life was affluent, and our family was not. We weren't poor by any means, but my parents settled for a smaller house in a nice area in order to get my sister and I the best education possible. I hadn't really thought of what family pressures may exist and how they differ between different cultures. Awesome POV on this topic, thank you!

@Paul, the post pretty explicitly states that if a student has help from their parents, the student will either a) stagnate or b) rely on their parents forever, and assumes that anyone who was helped by their parents has a silver spoon in their mouths...or in other words comes from affluence and have been spoiled. That is insulting, not least of all because in many cases, it isn't true.

How would you feel if I argued, "Anyone whose parents didn't fund their child's education clearly didn't make education a priority and/or doesn't love and support their children?" And then when someone whose parents didn't fund their education for completely different reasons gets upset about it, I turn around and say, "Are you sensitive to this because it is true?"

When you make generalizations about people, you can expect backlash from those who feel they have been unfairly stereotyped.

"the lesson here is that no matter where your money comes from, be wise about how you spend it."

@Mehnaz, I think you've summed this up quite nicely here.

I don't know if I fit your definition of silver spoon. I probably do. I grew up in an affluent, sometimes even snobby, suburb filled with doctors, lawyers, and educators (my own parents, professors) where it was the norm to have a lot of things paid for by your parents. Many parents there went out of their way to give their kids everything they wanted or needed. And my parents did pay for the majority of my college expenses, for which I am extremely grateful. Not all, mind you -- I do have some loans to pay off, and my parents never covered what they considered "fun" expenses.

At the same time, I've ALWAYS had a job-- since I was 16 -- and my parents expected me to, because they knew the lessons I would learn from having a job and having to pay for some things myself and learning to manage my money. But at the same time, yes, the vast majority of my college expenses were covered by my parents, and it made my life a lot easier than some of my peers in college who were paying their way through on their own. And I will admit I thought most people were in similar situations when I first entered college; maybe because the suburb I came from, everyone was going to college on their parents' money; it was rare to hear of someone paying their own way. I say this not to boast about the town but to paint a picture of the environment around me growing up.

But as a lot of the other people have already commented who were in my situation, that doesn't mean we didn't learn valuable life lessons. We just came from a different background. I do agree that there are some people who take their parents money for granted and never do learn those lessons -- but that doesn't apply to EVERYONE who had their parents pay for their college; it only applies to the irresponsible and lazy. Ultimately, I think everyone has to learn those lessons on their own, at their own pace.

@Katie, then my question to you is the same. I feel no different because what you said is true -- only my parents didn't have the resources. I smell guilt on your part.

I worked hard to get what others had easy. I am proud of that. Why does that bother you? You seem wounded.

As for generalizations, so what?

I am proud. I am proud. I am proud. And I worked harder than most that I know for the same. For that, I am proud. Someone in your lineage felt the same and wanted you to have what you had -- and delivered. How cool is that?

The question is, why are you so defensive? Maybe that should be the analysis. I don't dislike you because you had a family with resources. Nothing that Sydney said detracts. Please try your hand at acknowledging the privileges you were given instead of acting like you resent people that recognize they didn't.

I am confident you have tremendous value-- probably much greater than mine. I wouldn't have done anything differently than you if I had the same opportunities. I want my kids to have the same as YOU and there's no shame in that. Stop the petty dialogue driven by whatever insecurities arouse your combativeness.

Sydney, you made a great point. I've felt the same way you do.

@Paul, I'm not wounded. I'm annoyed. I worked very hard for my education, and my parents worked very hard to provide that for me. My family was not remotely wealthy, and we all sacrificed not only for my education, but also for my younger brother's, for years in order to make our college educations happen. While I certainly recognize how lucky I am to have my family's financial support, I don't think I'm in the wrong to chafe at an incorrect and insulting stereotype about silver spoons. Not all of us had BMWs. Not all of us had an endless hand-out. Not all of us got to slack off, just because our parents pitched in. Just as I know that not every kid who had to pay for everything themselves (often relying on student loans, instead of hard work) worked as hard as I did.

The problem with generalizations is that when you make them, it's almost impossible not to end up being wrong.

@Paul, actually the original post identifies no middle ground.

@Paul, I'm not offended. I just see what's missing from the post, and how the comments do or do not address that. Huge difference.