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Thank you to Eric for your Top Five Tips that yes, I think it’s safe to say, has never graced a graduation speech before. Eric’s parents had to pick him up for work, so if you have questions you can catch him during his fifteen-minute break at the Starbucks on 34th and Main.
Next up we have from Eileen Reynolds, a thirty-four year old Public Interest Attorney, working at a small firm in San Francisco.
“Thank you. It’s an honor. I know the sun is glaring and all the graduation parties are calling your name, so let’s get right to Five More Things You’ve Never Heard in a Graduation Speech Before, But Definitely Need To.
5. Your Fellow Graduates are not Worried About Your Life.
Look to the person next to you and say, I DO NOT care what you do with your life. Don’t live for me. Live for you.
Every one’s so obsessed with sprucing up their own Facebook profile, they’re not going to worry much about yours. So DO NOT live for the opinions of others.
4. You Don’t Know Jack.
At thirty-four with a law degree, you know what, I don’t know jack either. But the more I know, the more I realize how much I don’t know. Don’t stop reading. Don’t stop asking questions. If you feel scared that you really don’t know jack. Good. Keep learning. A college degree is the beginning of your education.
3. You Will Fail.
It’s inevitable. At some point in the next week, month, year, you will fail and fail big and fail repeatedly. You will fall flat on your face, adding another scar to the collection.
And to failure I say, great. If you never fail, then you’re not risking. You’re living your life not to get hurt. But living a life of self-preservation will get you killed. A slow-death, like a Chinese water torture. So fail. Fail big.
2. You Should Never Fail.
I know what I just said contradicts. But being around truly successful people these last ten years, I’ve learned their secret. They don’t have the best ideas, the most money, or the best looks. Their secret is that when they fail, the refuse to call it a failure. They refuse to go into a six-month, self-pity tailspin. No, successful people never fail. They persevere.
Failing and Persevering, on the outside – the external conditions will look the exact same. The only difference between failing and persevering is your response to those conditions. The difference is your fortitude to continue forward, amidst a backdrop of dead-ends, dreams unfilled - one seemingly un-climbable mountain after another.
The funny thing about our culture is that only we only praise perseverance after someone has completely and officially persevered. But failure is just perseverance in progress.
1. Don’t Change the World, Before You First Change Yourself.
I was just like you. Excited, biting at the bit to go out and do my big part.
But being a leader. Actually transforming systems, structures, fighting against the evil in this world - this is a lonely, painful, heartbreaking journey. It’s a path strewn with the dead bodies of those who started out starry-eyed, ambitious, swearing that the bullets would never kill them.
So if you do not know yourself. If you can’t trust yourself. If you haven’t changed. If your worth is based on good grades, accolades, praise, anything external – than as quickly as love for yourself came from success, hate, just might as easily come from failure.
You will die many times over on this journey to change the world. So the real question is when you die, will you keep going?
This is a good 5 (more) things you don't hear at a graduation. And I fully believe that you do not hear this at graduation or at any point in your life, until after you have finished school and learned it on your own.
I guess I am being "morning grumpy" but..
I find graduation speeches banal. I also find "things you won't hear at graduation" banal considering that this is information people should have received before they graduated? I am thinking maybe in one of those required intro to philosophy classes that each freshman is required to take.
Can't we just let people enjoy their day in the sun (good weather permitting)? :-)
@Dr. Pepper - are you psychic? I was thinking pretty much the same thing.
I have no idea who spoke at my graduation. I think it was somebody from the field of journalism. I certainly don't remember what she said. Of course, this was 20 years ago and I can barely remember what I had for lunch yesterday.
I know, I know - the point of the post is not about graduation speeches per se. It's about real advice to recent graduates.
Here's the deal: everyone is different. Any advice offered at large to a group of people is going to apply to maybe 10% of them. So you take away from it what you want, see what works, and make up your own mind.
And in 20 years you'll be giving advice back to a bunch of 20 year olds who will find it just as uninteresting as you did!
Wow, that last one really hits home. The ceremony I went to had a less than stellar speaker, but I love the advice I just got here. "Fighting against the evil in this world..." makes me step back and evaluate the issues important to me and how my success or failure depends on what I get out of my battle to the death to change the world. I certainly hope when the time presents itself I am one of the ones willing to sacrifice myself and then start over if need be.
Hey Paul, Great article! A good spin on the "when life gives you lemons..." discussion. Keep it up!
Paul,
Fail. Fail often. Fail big, but never fail because failing is giving up. Persevere instead. Those could be two of the biggest secrets to life. Thanks for that reminder.
I think it's OK if you're not willing to fail and therefore not willing to take many chances. It might not lead to an exciting life, but not everyone is looking for that. I fail often, but I probably need to be OK with failing even more because I learn so much when I do.
In the middle of.... ahem... persevering... I can only hope that it does actually change the world. What I, and many other "recent" (within 10 years) graduates need to hear over and over again is #5. It seems like it takes getting killed once or twice before we realize that we can't survive if we think our fellow graduates (or any others not directly dependent on us) care in the way we think they should about our life. They may love, but ESPECIALLY if they do, they will love through the fai... uh, I mean... perseverance. Thanks for the thoughts, Paul.
@Liza: Completely agree that it's hard to hear these things until you've actually lived them out yourself. Wish it wasn't that way. We could "die" a little less painfully if we heeded those who went before.
@Scott and Dr. Pepper: Down with the speech! Great. Agree the graduation speech is outdated and cliche. We could let the grads play one big game of tag for an hour and they'd probably get more out of it than the speech.
@Lauren: Amen! And well said. The fact that you're asking the questions you are, makes me believe you are going to be one of these rare people who figuratively "dies but keeps living".
@Joe and Jason: I hate failing. Hate it. So I began realizing I only allowed myself to undertake challenges I had a high chance of succeeding in. Unfortunately this meant not taking on many challenges. Fear was really at the base root of my decisions. Is it good to let fear make the final call?
@Mike W: Thanks for the honest thoughts. Perse-failing..ha..it's not as fun as advertised. Oh wait, it's never advertised...
Dr. Pepper and Scott- I'm curious- what type of colleges did you attend? Universities or liberal arts colleges? I wonder if it makes a difference in how you view Paul's "graduation speech?"
I went to a Liberal Arts College, and while I now feel very prepared for my career, it took me about five years to start figuring things out. Paul, your funny look at graduation reminds me of all the things I wish I knew years ago.
Failure sucks. Especially if you've never failed.
good list going here. and yes, I think that you're the music maker here. what you put in, is probably what's going to come out.
Real life is weird isn't it? not at ALL like school.
Terrific post. In helping people relearn how to "work and play well with others" two critical leadership attributes are resilience and perseverance. You advice around failure is spot on!
@Lesley: I went to a University - the Universtiy of North Texas (Although when I went there it was North Texas State University).
My comments were more about graduation speeches in general, rather than Paul's suggestions. But general advice just never clicked with me. Part of it is my personality and part of it is my chosen profession - computer programming. I'm very specific and task oriented. If you can't give me any specific information about the task at hand, then it's just noise. General information that I might be able to apply to something concrete would be helpful, but you better give an example that means something to me, otherwise, it's just noise.
Hence my opinion on advice. But it seems to work for others!
I went to a smaller university (that used to be a state college a few decades back). I've also been to a boatload of graduations for work and I know that the information they give you is just banal period. Each year, same idea, different words.
My comments were more about not wasting 5 hours of your life for unimportant (and banal) speeches. Paul's information is good, but it's not graduation information. It's information that people should get before they graduate :-)
I love all these, but 5 got my attention. It's so true that no one is paying attention to you, so chill out!
Paul, these are seriously the best I've heard in awhile. After reading, I felt truly inspired to keep persevering in my job, which can be incredibly challenging (and easy to fail in). I work a job that is commission only in an industry where more have failed than can be remembered- finance. More than anything your article has helped me to firm my resolve today. Thank you for the advice, or just for the reminder. KEEP WRITING!!
I did not know graduation speech is too important.
May be cause I am not from North America :) I think this article is not for me, a different audience, I guess :(
It is so funny what context or the history of a person can perceive reality so different. I found the article pessimist in my own eyes. Cultural barriers may be?
Be more blessed!
:)
Send my love to Naomi!
Well done! I like the emphasis on failing and persevering-yes they may look the same at first but results will differ greatly!
Hi Catherine! Thanks for commenting on the article. Sorry it didn't fit your style. However, I don't think you understood the article. If you read it more closely, I believe you would realize that it is not pessimistic. Basically, this is what each point meant-
1. Don't worry about other people's opinion about you.
2. Never stop learning and reading.
3. You will make mistakes in life, but keep taking big risks if you want to achieve great things.
4. You should see failing as a chance to practice perseverance.
5. Change yourself before you change the world.
Again, I'm not sure where you see the pessimism. But thank you again for sharing your opinion.
Be blessed and be a blessing.
@ Leslie - I wish I knew this info five years ago too. Honestly, I wish I knew this info better now, and I just wrote it!
@ Mehnaz - Yes, the real world is weird. I think most of us were groomed not to ever fail. So when it happens, we either go into denial or shock. At least I know I want to.
@ Dr. John - Thanks for the encouragement and wisdom. Checked out your blog. You're doing some really good stuff there.
@ Dr. Pepper (1st and 2nd comments) - Man I should've been hanging out with you and the Super-Philosophizing-Freshman you rolled with in college :) because now at 25 years old now, I am definitely still learning this stuff. Call me slow, I guess...
@ Marie - It was freeing for me when I stopped worrying that my friends were secretly planning an intervention for me because my life wasn't exactly the peaches and cream I hoped for.
@ Jessie - Finance industry! I'm so sorry. My wife is there too, so I know how many doses of perseverance you need daily. Thanks for the kudos. I'll keep writing. You keep financing!
I love the article Paul! Very inspirational! After being laid off recently and trying to walk down a new road in life, I paused one day and came to the realization of the things you speak about in your article. Keep on writing!
This was a really great addition to the original! Everything really hit home. I haven't graduated from college yet and have never heard a graduation speech but I can imagine the unrelativeness they have on life after academia. Either way, this is great life advice for anyone who is trying to live a "successful" life and somehow make a difference somewhere.
thank you paul for telling the truth. For not sugar coating it. For being real I thank you!
This is an amazing article Paul Angone. I'm fifteen years old so i haven't graduated but I hope I can benefit from this. I would love to have a career as a psychologist or anything in that field as long as I'm out on my own and out of this short leash, haha. I may not be paying attention to the things you are trying to point out but this does inspire me to persue my goals and change. Best of luck in whatever you may need it and STAY SWEET!!!
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