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A recent article from the New York Times reported incidents of female bullying at work. Mickey Meece has pinpointed one of the biggest problems that modern women face (in case we’ve forgotten over the past century): men are not the only ones to blame for “holding women back”; women are capable of behaving in ways that undermine other women as well.
The article raises two big questions: 1) Are women really bullying women, or is there a double standard for professional behavior? 2) Why do women feel pressure to compete with other women in the work force?
The first question is one that concerns all women in leadership positions, and one that was recently brought to attention by Hilary Clinton’s political campaign for presidency. It seems that if a female leader is too nice, she’s prescribing to traditional gender roles and is therefore a pushover. One tiny step in the other direction, however, and both women and men will denounce her as a world class bitch. Women in high-powered positions have to walk a very thin line, and unlike the benefit of the doubt that their male counterparts enjoy, any outward sign of toughness can be easily misinterpreted as aggression.
The second question concerns competition among women in general. It is women who comment on other women’s appearance and behavior. Women constantly regulate themselves, perhaps to a higher degree than men. Even at a personal non-professional level there is a high degree of competition among women (maybe that’s why we have specific adjectives like “catty” for socially spiteful women). This level of inter-female competitiveness extends to the workplace, and some women feel the need to beat down other women in order to succeed. Especially with increased financial pressures reigning down on Americans in top positions, a competitive edge has emerged to the surface of journalistic discourse.
This competition should not be viewed not as an inherent female trait but as symptomatic of the fact that women still occupy very limited roles in society. At the same time, within the limited spheres of influence that women have, there is a push and desire for higher achievement, higher pay, and higher-ranking jobs. Perhaps it is because women seem to be so limited in their own social realms that they must compete for the opportunities that are available to them, that is to say the rather limited opportunities that are also available to other women as well. It’s a crazy, scary cycle where women who have lost a sense of agency compete with other women for that sense of agency in a world that is still unequal. The individual woman is a victim of inequality, and one of the limited ways that she can regain some sense of equality, some control over her professional and social influence, is to compete with her biggest competitor for influence: her fellow woman.
I'm against bullying of any kind and don't see it often in the industries I been employed in.
That having been said I'm not convinced by the research they cited, but either way I am not sure why women who are bullies would exclude women from their bullying, though it seems rather cowardice to take the easy way out by bullying their female counterparts exclusively, I'm not sure why women should out of hand exclude women from whatever it is they are doing to try to get to the top. Making it all good between women just because they are women doesn't seem likely to work, and may in the end by just another condescension.
Women are just figuring how to get the power, that their way to it includes bullying others, the majority of them women, is just how it is working at this point in time. It's unfortunate and speaks of a desperateness that might not be necessary, but this too will pass.
I can't say I've really had a problem with this. I have noticed that Boomer women do not want to mentor other women and often seem to feel that there can only be 1 woman in the board room. But working with Xer women, I haven't had that problem. And have witnessed Xer women trying to mentor each other as well as younger workers.
As @generationxpert says, it might have to do with generations. Fifty years ago, you proved your value by being the only one who could do something. Now, Xers and Yers are much more collaborative, and your ability to work in groups is much more valuable. There's an older receptionist I know who is a gatekeeper for the executive she works with. No one sees him. It gets to the point where she keeps people away who had been requested by the executive. She sees her value in being this high and mighty gatekeeper. She also sees all women are beneath her, and treats anyone under the age of 30 as if they are her own daughters. Sure, she could be an extreme example, but I've seen similar behavior with other Boomer women, and it gets worse if they're leaders.
I was president of our Women in Business group in an undergraduate business program, and the reason I took on that position was to make sure women weren't fighting against other women. I truly believe the only way women (or any other "minority" group) are going to dissolve inequalities is by working side by side, not against each other.
In my personal college experience, though, I've seen men and women fighting tooth and nail for grades, internships, job offers, and any other limited resource regardless of gender. The job world for Yers is competitive beyond gender roles right now.
Emily - sounds like we work at the same place! :)
Miles, I think you, Emily, and I could work in the same place, or at least with that "gatekeeper."
I suspect this is generational, but in a slightly different way than one might think. I don't think there's something inherent in the later generations that makes this less common (at least in my experience). I think it's that women are more common at higher levels in the workplace, and we're accepted more.
That's due, in large part, to the efforts of Baby Boomers and women who came before them. Part of why they fight is because they always had to, and I don't think you just turn that off like a switch. We don't have to, and as a result we don't have or understand that impulse--at least, not on the same scale.
As a result, many of us now find that our office interactions depend on the emotional health of the work environment. Dysfunctional environment? Dysfunctional interactions, regardless of gender. Collaborative, supportive environment? Collaborative, supportive environment--again, regardless of gender.
That's not to say all things are equal. They definitely aren't. But they're less unequal than they used to be.
Bullying only works if you can be intimidated, and there are some women who just can't be intimidated worth a damn.
My wife is one of them. After being one of the first women in her field, and fighting against the guys who tried to cut off her career, (to include getting her then husband to beat her up repeatedly, until she pulled his gun on him), there's no way she's going to be intimidated or bullied by any woman.
Either she's laugh and taunt the "little girl", or if they're really obnoxius, she'll invite her into the alley for a frank and open discussion. Ten minutes later, she'll come in to ice her bruised knuckles.
Sad to say, this is true. Thankfully, I am not experiencing it on my job now. I work with a pretty good bunch. But, I have heard it happens elsewhere. I am not surprised at hearing about women acting this way. I see how certain women behave on public transport. I can only imagine how they treat other women on a job.
I too read this article & was not convinced by its research or opinions of how to correct it. But I have witnessed and been victim to women who like to bully people. At one job, my coworker who really was not over me in position felt the need to reprimand me in a way that was not necessary. I noticed that since the morning she was a little upset and after she had lunch it seemed to have gotten worse. She brought her personal issues to work and used it as a catalyst. Ever since that day my attitude towards her changed and the fact that I had to work with her every day didn't help. But I didn't lash back at her or continue to make things difficult. I did however plan my escape and got out before the end of the year. It is sad when women feel the need to walk over others to prove themselves or get what they want. I have gotten ahead at times at work and needed no one to be put down or moved aside for me to get that spot. My talent and drive got me there alone. Why women and men don't see it this way is beyond me.
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