In the Wizard of Oz, people who have requests must ask a big, intimidating, talking head. It’s such an unpleasant experience that they only do it if they are truly desperate. Despite this, they are completely at the will of this talking head to grant their request or dismiss them empty-handed. Meanwhile, the talking head is actually being controlled by an ordinary guy hidden behind a curtain.

Does this remind you of asking for a raise, a bonus or a promotion? Too often it’s completely unclear who has decision making power over your career and what metrics they’re going to use to decide. Even in a structured environment with paperwork and processes, asking for something still feels like a crapshoot. In order to take charge of your career, you have to cut through this ambiguity to identify the power players and what they want. Here’s how:

1. Who is the man behind the curtain?

The most obvious answer is either the business owner or the highest level of management you come in contact with. That’s sometimes true, but not always. While these people have the power to grant your request, they may either be persuaded by someone else or have delegated the decision making power to someone else.

As one example, when I worked in a small business, the owner officially made the decisions. However, another smaller player both knew the inside scoop and also was able to have influence over these decisions. Since I was friendly with this person, this was helpful for me. I saw other people dismiss this person as unimportant and suffered the consequences.

2. What do they really want from you?

The answer to this is a very long list, right? Everything. Everything is not a good answer, though, since no one is going to give them that anyways. That turned out to be a useless answer, so let’s discard it and start again.

Find a few things that seem to be extra important to them. These are things that only some people have that really get them going. Sometimes these are little things like being on time or working well with the other department or whatever. Find out what the problems are that they are facing. These are the things you’ll need to fix to have any bargaining power.

3. Now start a a conversation

You might have found yourself already able to get through steps 1 and 2, but then still get stuck at the request part. The reason why is because the whole formal request scenario still turns you into a little guy standing in front of a big talking head.

You want to get a huge raise and a big promotion. They want to give you … nothing or very little. There’s nothing inherently wrong with this situation; it’s just business.

So if you use a request-response model, it goes something like this: you ask for a huge raise or big promotion. They might say yes. You don’t know the odds because you’re not inside their head. Crapshoot. Then, if they say no you end up getting … nothing or very little.

The alternative is a conversation model. This is going to sound a little different based on who it is and who you’re having it with. People’s conversational styles differ versus the request-response which is one-size-fits-all. The best conversations will span months and even be continuous versus the request-response which is a one-time thing.

It might start with a chat in the coffee room about how Client X is wavering on continuing their contract. You offer to step in and build a custom solution to secure their contract. This is more of a roundabout method that requires time to build up. A more direct conversation might sound like “What are the biggest problems you need tackled right now?” or even “What would I need to contribute to the company to recieve a $10K raise next fall?”.

You are offering before you are expecting to recieve. You are asking questions like “how I can help?” rather than “can I have this?” You’re also asking open ended questions instead of yes-no questions. Of course, you have to be prepared to follow through on some or all of the answers.

Sometimes you may get shut down. This can happen temporarily for a variety of reasons. If it continues permanently, most likely your conversation tactic isn’t appropriate for that person or you were starting the conversation with the wrong person.

The time to start being good isn’t when you’re writing the letter to Santa; you’d already be on the naughty list. The time to start the conversation is now.