In this world, some of us actively pursue happiness, while others do not. The ones who do are the ones buying the self-help books, the ones watching warm and fuzzy inspirational movies, and the ones spending money on retreats, seminars, and life coaches. As the author of this blog, I am obviously one of those people.

Here’s a question for everyone who has ever actively pursued happiness,

“Are you afraid of happiness?”

And by happiness, I mean that in the broadest sense possible -- utility, happiness, success, fulfillment, achievement, positive mood, security, winning, tranquility, well-being, wealth, good health, etc.

A few years ago, someone much wiser than me asked, “I know that you constantly strive for happiness, but do you think that you are a bit afraid of it? And do you think that prevents you from actually achieving happiness?”

This struck me as a very odd question. “Why would I be afraid of happiness? Why would anyone be afraid of happiness?”

He responded, “Well, lots of people try to bring successful people down. Many people say hurtful things about successful people and criticize them harshly. When they see smiling and happy people, they just want to destroy that.”

Hm, I never thought about it that way, but it’s true. Many people don’t like those who are successful, happy, and fulfilled, because it makes them feel bad about themselves. Seeing those smiling faces highlights the unhappiness and the failures of their own life in comparison. And being insecure with their own lives, they seek to bring down those who are secure. They try to marginalize the successful and judge them as undeserving.

Upon further reflection, I realized that yes, a part of me is afraid of achieving happiness. And it’s not even a new fear; it’s one that I learned many years ago without ever realizing it.

Early on in my childhood, I learned early on to not reveal my high test scores. Revealing my perfect score a test only brought on feelings of bitterness from my peers. My academic achievements were not celebrated. They were hidden from my peers at school and treated as standard expectations at home. On the one hand, you might say that I was humble. I became very conscious of making sure that I didn’t make other people feel bad by keeping quiet about my successes and achievements. In general, I like to think of myself as considerate and sensitive. Surely, these aren’t bad traits. On the other hand, a lifetime of suppressing my own happiness about achievements has a cost. I internalized the insignificance of my own achievements. But why shouldn’t I be happy for myself? It’s a tradeoff between my own feelings and the feelings of other people. It must be possible to be happy for myself while being considerate of others at the same time. I don’t do sports, but I imagine that this balance must be the essence of good sportsmanship.

What do you think? Is there a good balance between celebrating your own happiness and being considerate of others? Is it better to just be happy without regard for others? To say, that their unhappiness is their own problem, not yours. Does the fear of happiness prevent you from achieving it?