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I know that the purpose of my blog is to promote social networking, which clearly requires communicating with others. Duh. But I think it’s also important to know how to spend quality time with yourself. And I am not talking about the weekly appointment you have with your TV to watch Gossip Girl, but rather actually going out there and doing stuff solo; stuff that you would normally do with your BF, or BFF, or even your dog.
Yes, it’s scary…
Social stigma has much influence over HOW we perceive “acceptable” behavior. Notice that I am not saying “WHAT we perceive as acceptable behavior,” because behavior can be socially acceptable and yet still be perceived as bizarre. Just like eating lunch by yourself in High School was for losers, being your own best company is just … odd.
Well, I think people should do stuff solo more often. In my opinion, this type of “disinteraction” allows you to learn about your personal preferences and form individual opinions sans the social “noise,” which sometimes makes it difficult to differentiate between the opinions you form and the opinions you adopt from others.
With that said, I encourage everyone to try one of these:
Eat Out Alone
How often do you walk into a restaurant and say “Party of one, please”? That’s what I thought… Why is it that people rarely eat out alone? Is it that the food tastes better when you have someone to share it with? Why not pick a new place, order a house special and a glass of wine, whoop out a great novel (or even better – the latest issue of Glamour), and enjoy your dinner without feeling the pressure to discuss ANYTHING with ANYONE.
Go to the Movies with Yourself
If you can’t find anyone to watch the latest chick/man flick with, then do it alone. Trust me, the only awkward part about this is buying the ticket, plus all you are doing is staring at the screen anyway…
Go to Networking Events… Alone
Forget your wing-person and check out one of these organizations in your area:
Meetup.com. I think this one speaks for itself. Find an interesting, local group and just go…!
French Tuesdays is geared towards young professionals. The events are exclusive but always fun. And you will not be the only one going solo.
Net Party is coming to San Francisco soon. I haven’t been to this one yet, but am looking forward to the launch party!
Get ONE Ticket to a Local Performance
Ballet, opera, musicals, symphony, concerts, museums… Shall I continue?
I was actually forced to test this one out last Saturday when a friend flaked on a Red Poppy Art House performance that we planned to attend (no, I’m not mad). I made a last minute attempt to invite someone else. Denied. So I thought this would be a great opportunity to follow my own advice and go alone. And I did. Did I meet anyone new? No. But it was still awesome!
Go for a Not-so-Lonely Hike
A while back, I posted an ad on craigslist for free dog walking services. To my own surprise, I got 2 responses IMMEDIATELY. People love free stuff! So I got to enjoy the city weather for a couple of weekends with a cute Jack Russell Terrier while feeling really good about helping someone out.
So stop being so dependent on others to provide you with entertainment, get out of your bubble, and do it ALONE! Trust me, you will be really proud of yourself afterwards. Just don’t overdo it. Let’s revolutionize the typical one step at a time.
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Comments
05.07.09
When I was single I used to do all of these (well, except for the networking part... kinda defeats the purpose of being alone).
Of course now that I'm married I with a kid, I'm too busy to do any of these things, alone or not!
Except during my lunch hours.
I love going out to eat lunch alone! It's the only time I get to read any of the dozen-or-so magazines I subscribe to, not to mention the dozen-or-so unread books that I have stacked up at home.
For people that are uncomfortable eating alone, I would recommend eating at the bar at the restaurant. You can usually get a seat faster too! Sitting at the bar allows you to meet other people if you choose. Or you can bring reading material and forgo social interaction. And since most of the people at the bar are there by themselves, there is no social stigma.
05.07.09
I enjoy doing things alone, and can go for weeks without any social interaction (although I come out of it in a pretty weird state).
Although I never eat out or watch a movie by myself. To me, dining out is a social event - the food isn't the focus. If I'm eating alone, I usually just grab some takeaway or fried chicken.
05.07.09
These are great things to do!
I once ended up at a movie all by myself. It was actually a really cool experience.
I haven't eaten out by myself but I love grabbing a cup of coffee at a local cafe and reading by myself. it's nice to do :)
05.07.09
@Scott, I enjoy eating lunch alone as well. Gives me time to catch up on my news and plan the rest of my day/week. And I agree that networking events are not for you if you are looking for a solitary moment, but I was trying to make a point that you don't need a friend/wing-person to attend those. You still need to socialize though :)
@Mike, I think the concept of "social dining" is something the society has created but it really does not have to be that way. Maybe the food SHOULD be the focus once in a while...
@Mehnaz, totally with you! I go to coffee shops to read almost every weekend and sometimes during the week. Always meet new, interesting people and get SO MUCH done!
Thanks for all the comments!
05.07.09
I'm so glad you've mentioned these things. As outgoing as I may be, I still find that it's pretty difficult to push myself and DO IT. I'm happy to say that to-date, I have eaten dinner out alone, gone to a networking event alone (I moved to Boulder alone and had to make it happen), went to a concert by myself (it was amazing, fulfilling and such a unique experience), and have hiked alone (very quiet and relaxing).
It's such a taboo and social stigma, but I am happy that I did each of them (and continue to) because I always learn something new and the best part, you surprise yourself!
05.07.09
Once sitting inside a coffee house I saw this young lady listening to her mp3 player and I was thinking - with all the gadgets and devices for entertainment and amusement are we disassociating ourselves from the social network. We all have an invisible bubble - we get irritated if a person stand too close to us in the elevator but then we are uncomfortable if we have to ride the elevator all alone.
I dont want to sit all alone in a coffee shop but then I dont want to start chatting with someone either... we indeed are human.
05.07.09
Great post! Before college, I was completely okay with being by myself and eating alone. But then freshman year, all the crazy college kids always had to eat with each other. I bought into the frenzy and got unused to being alone. Now I cherish all my alone moments and do not really want to plan out my weekends. I just want to sit in a coffee shop, by myself and work on my own little projects.
Although what would be even better is sitting in a coffee shop with a friend, each doing his/her own think and not talking. Awesome.
05.07.09
@Grace Boyle, I am so glad you are trying out all those things! More people should do it... you learn so much about yourself when you are not surrounded by people that you know. It really pushes you to get out of your bubble and I think that's the first step to being more confident in your shoes.
@RahulC, I know what you mean. I wish there was a happy median where you can be antisocial while still having a sense of social support.
@Irina, I think you've found that median! I've done this before (;-)) and it worked out really well. I felt like I had the time to myself but was comforted by the thought that I could be with someone if I really wanted to!
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